No help can help...

[1David1]

Not sure where I'm going with this thread but I've seriously had it. I have no idea what the hell I'm waiting for. I won't magically wake up and just feel good. I read an article about depression and one can be diagnosed with depression after feeling down for TWO WEEKS. Are you kidding me? I've been like this for years now and recently I've been even more dull. I'm not slitting my wrist as I'm typing this or anything but I am honestly living for nothing. I wake up feeling so deeply sad. Then I don't fall asleep and only get 2-3 hours of sleep, sometimes none. Which makes me feel even more anxious. I'm tired of people asking me what's wrong. I'm even more tired of people who use that against me. My only friend disappeared when I told him I was gay. My family has made it clear that they wouldn't accept me.

I don't get it. I can't turn to friends or family with my problems. My therapist doesn't help - I understand myself and I know what should technically be done but it doesn't matter when I lack any motivation. That's the thing. I used to want to change things so much but now I don't even have energy and motivation to make any effort. I don't care but yet I care when I feel bad.

It's just helpless. I wanted to make this thread about anti-depressants at first but I changed my mind because I'm against them. I think I let myself get too far with my depression, I've just become someone else and no meds can change that. I have so much to type all of a sudden but I have to go. Had to get it off my chest although somehow it didn't make me feel better this time...I feel completely helpless. I guess stories about depression would be welcome.

 

[ByronMc]

I am all for therapy, anti-despressants and whatever medical help may be needed. But the best therapy is to volunteer to help others...gives you some perspective and something other than yourself to think about. Surely there is a hospital, church, school, library, food pantry, shelter in your community who could really use your help. You willl not only help someone else but yourself too. I know. I have been there.

 

[Richardodessa]

I used to be depressed all the time for years, sometimes in bed for 4 days straight only getting up to pee. Then I had a breakdown that lasted 18 days and I bawled the whole time. After I recovered from that I came out. I have never been that depressed again.

 

[backpacker]

Disbelieving that any medication can help lift depression forms part of the disease of depression.

Well said!

Why not give the medication a chance? What do you have to lose? Give it a try and if you don't notice a difference you can stop (with supervision of your doctor - stopping all at once can be dangerous). Please keep in mind that some of the medications require two or three weeks to build up before you see results. Also, keep in mind that there are many different kinds of medication. Some work for some people, but not for others. The point being that you may have to try two or three before finding the right one. Some people need to take them temporarily to get back on track and others have a chemical imbalance that require on-going use. From what you have described, I think you are a good candidate for this type of treatment. I sure hope you will give it a shot.

Other than medication, the suggestion about volunteering is a good one. The busier you stay, the less depressed you will be.

 

[G-Lexington]

At the risk of telling Noelie he's wrong...

Noelie, you're wrong.

I can only speak for my case. I was put on medication back in April. And it didn't "take control away". Quite the opposite. I was utterly unable to control the negative thoughts that surrounded me before I was put on the medication, and once the meds kicked in (it took about five days), I could start controling them again. I could stop obsessing about horrible ad negative images, and focus on things like work and loved ones. There were some very mild side effects - ringing in my right ear for a bit soon after taking it, and an occasional feeling of "vagueness" for about an hour, which was similar to something you might feel after having an alcoholic drink. But that's it. The pills actually DID let me take control back. I've since weaned myself off of them, and I'm back to normal.

Lex

 

[Gomaki]

Well here's the thing, you kind of have to determine what kind of depression you have.

Major Depression (some people may call this clinical or typical depression) comes in waves called depressive episodes. This means that you feel normal sometimes, and depressed at other times. Pretty much if you have recurrent episodes that last at least 2 weeks at a time, you could have depression.

If you have a continual feeling of "dullness" that doesn't go away, and which you feel is your base emotional level, you might have something called dysthymia, which is a constant low-grade depression.

This isn't the worst thing in the world, but if you couple dysthymia with clinical/typical/atypical depression, it's called double depression, and can cause your base emotional level to drop even further, which is a big problem.

I really hope you try approaching outside resources to deal with this, especially a psychologist or psychiatrist. Not only will they be able to truly diagnose whats going on, but they should be able to help you deal with it. A lot of people just do the medication thing, but studies don't show good long term results for drugs. What seems to be most effective is coupling drug therapy with psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy isn't necessarily easy, especially when compared to just popping a pill, but if you give it your all, it can really flip around your way of thinking. I'm doing my honours research on effects of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and the results are very interesting. Mind you, i'm studying the effect on criminal re-offending, not depression, but what I've learned, it also have promising results on patients with depression, amongst many other populations.

I guess the take home message is this:
1.) Find yourself a good therapist who deals with gay issues (typically a therapist will list their areas of expertise and interest, which gay issues may appear).
and MOST IMPORTANTLY
2.) Stick to the program that your doctor prescribed! Your doctor can't force you to do anything, so it's up to you. The changes won't be overnight and you'll need to stick with it for a while to notice the effect. But there will be one, and it will change your life! JUST DON'T BE DISCOURAGED!
3.) Good luck! Even if it doesn't look great right now, there is always a brighter tomorrow if you know how to find it.

 

[mantikohr]

May I ask why you are against anti-depressants?

Anti-depressants make the naturally occurring chemicals in your brain function properly and as for being "dependent" on pills for the rest of your life...so what? If you had diabetes you would take insulin. I take prozac and it is $4 for a month's prescription.

I struggled with low self-worth and long depressive episodes since I was thirteen and I waited until I was twenty-three to start taking medication. It was the best thing I've ever done. Everything I do is more enjoyable and though I still get blue on occasion, it only lasts for a day or two not weeks.

Plus getting on the antidepressant motivated me to start working out, and working out in turn made me feel even better . I'd say try it, and if the first pill you take has side effects you don't like, tell your doctor. He or she can work with you to find the right pill/dose.

 

[mantikohr]

I was asking David.

 

[1David1]

Wow, this post was embarassing. I typed it after being up for over 30 hours, that's why it sounds so off. I do appreciate the replies I got, though.

I'm not sure what type of depression I have. I'm gueesing it's clinical because I feel down all of the time. Sometimes it gets really extreme and I'm crazy about it but I don't think it's manic. Wouldn't I have to have serious highs for it to be manic?

As for anti-depressants, there are a few reasons why I'm against them. I think it will hurt my self esteem to depend on something like that to be like everyone else. I'm already bitter and can't stand many people. I might feel better but I'd still have the same way of thinking. The common side effects are bad for me: sex drive/erection problems (I already feel like I could be asexual with my low sex drive) and feeling dull (that's how I feel most of the time when I don't feel psycho). I'm also ashamed of asking my doctor because he knows my family.

I think that if someone feels down for a short period of time and then uses anti-depressants, it's different. If I used drugs to get me through this and I magically snapped out of it, what personality would I have? I'd still be boring. I've already BECOME that person. I've been depressed and let it go on for way too long. That's the worst part of it all. I was depressed growing up so all the traits I got will stick.

G-Lexington, how long were you depressed until you were put on medication?

I know exercise and diet are important but I can't do it. I try to exercise and I just stop because I don't have the energy and drive to do it. My mind is always filled with thoughts to the worst extent. That's what I meant with no help can help. I know what things should be done, that's why I don't need to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, there's nothing they can enlighten me with. As for voulenterring, noelie explained that well enough for me.

1.) Find yourself a good therapist who deals with gay issues (typically a therapist will list their areas of expertise and interest, which gay issues may appear).

I did. But I ended up not going to the session.

 

[backpacker]

The problem with depression is that you may intellectually have an idea of what is going on and what to do, but you can't do the things necessary to change. That's exactly what you are describing. You should setup another appointment with the therapist.

Your description of anti-depressants and there side effects is far from accurate. Sure some of them have those side effects in some people, but that's why it is important to find the one that works for you. They don't make you asexual or dull. The fact is that they help you from being dull and that will probably lead to a much better sex life.

You need to realize all your rationalizations are just another symptom of depression. I can almost guarantee you that if you get professional help, things will get much better. Please give it a shot.

 

[orem244]

As someone who has heavily studied the physiology of antidepressants and taken them on and off, I have to say I HIGHLY recommend you go on them.

They are extremely effective for most people, very low risk, and relatively low on side effects. Even though they obviously won't magically cure all your problems are most effective when coupled with psychotherapy, they can be the first step of many toward getting your life back in shape. Going on antidepressants helps you to get the motivation and energy to follow through with the changes in your life that will make it better. And once you're at that point, you can then reevaluate whether or not you want to stay on the medication.

Seriously, there's virtually no drawbacks to giving them a try. They're completely non-addictive and non-dependence forming, and don't cause any medical problems. They take 3 or so weeks to kick into effect, but if you stick through with it you'll be very happy you took that first step.

 

[backpacker]

That is just not true backpacker. There are numerous threads/posts here on JUB alone where people have stated that anti-depressants have killed their sex drive. Do you take any yourself?

Seroxat/Lexapro has been linked to suicidal feelings - to name just one severe side-effect.

As I said, by all means try different meds BUT be aware that not all work, some have serious side effects and for some people none work at all. I'm in the latter category.

No I haven't taken them, but I know a few people who have and it's made a world of difference for them. I did note that there is a potential for side effects, but if somebody encounters unreasonable side effects, they should try a different med. My understanding is that for a small number of people, very serious side effects can occur. Of course that's true with a lot of medicines for various conditions. Doctors typically will start with the meds with fewer side effects. If those don't work, they may suggest meds that have an increased risk side effects. Obviously neither you nor I are professionals in this fields and not in a position to offer truly meaningful guidance. My advice is for the OP to seek professional help and keep an open mind to meds if the professionals believe they are appropriate.

PS - I am sorry that they didn't help you. Unfortunately there is no one size fits all solution to deal with depression. I hope you are doing well.

 

[storm-0]

1David1 - I've suffered from depression since I was a kid, because I'm gay and live in a boring bible belt city. I never knew any one gay growing up (friends were few to none), and high school was HELL!!

In January 2007 I got really depressed. I hated my job! I had planned to find another a better job, but in Feb. 2007 I have an allergic reaction to something, so a doctor prescribed an steroid antibiotic (Prednisone - spelling?), I have never heard of it before! The most meds I've ever taken were over the counter - for headaches ,colds or poison ivy. So I took the Prednisone, which really screwed me up bad!!!!!!! It took seven antibiotics to wash that crap out of my system. After a brief hospital stay (two days) I was walking on cloud nine for three months!! Talk about the happiest guy on Earth. I felt so weird being that happy. It felt great, but like I was walking in a fog.

Then one day the bottom dropped out. First, my dog got really sick, she almost died (I was a nervous wreck), my uncle found out I was gay (told everyone, but my immediate family, they already sort of knew)- he's totally homophobic, then I later found out one of my co-workers was spreading gossip on the other side of my family. I really hate living in such a small city!!!!! I only moved back because my day got sick, (he died in 2002, so I stayed to be close to my mom and sisters). With all the stupid-assed drama going on, I started having mood swings: deep depression, crying, quick tempered, and still having trouble sleeping (a side effect from the prednisone), then the panic attacks started. Not to mention I worked with the most backward Southern, homophobes (I'm talking about people that jumped to conclusions about everything - people that would stab you in the back for their own jolly. There were a few good people there, but mostly everyone followed the bible thumping dumb-asses, I mostly steered clear of them. Scary thing is, many of them know my extended family, which I come from a very large, well-known family.

Long story short: My depression returned (even worst than before), I started having panic attacks, could sleep, and the worst part my co-workers became the biggest pain in my ass. I went through therapy, took Lexapro (which made me feel so me-lite), and meds for the panic attacks. But the depression remained. I really didn't start feeling better till I quit my job -- a painful bad decision, but I really had to. My co-workers got worst!! I did come out to my mom (luckily my dad was dead, because he was homophobic), and I stop taking all of the meds. Of course, I still go through periods of depression, sometimes it hurts to get out of bed. And I've lost two of three of my oldest college friends, and the last friendship is hanging by a thread. This has been a really long slow recovery for me. Changing my diet has helped a lot, and exercise (still working on this one). After I lost my insurance good bye therapy, thank God my mom and sisters have been a blessing!

I still haven't found another job (in the wonderful economy!) My late night rambling. I hope it ease up for you.

Maybe a change in diet, a new job in a new city might help you. I wish you the best of luck!!!!!!!!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>G-Lexington, how long were you depressed until you were put on medication?

Tough to say.

I've had two bouts of depression. One was in 1994, the other was this year. The first one I battled alone - no medication, two trips to a therapist (to work on some "coping skills" during the worst times). For the second one, I went to see the doctor. I was pretty sure the problem was chemical rather than psychological - I loved my partner, my parents, my friends, my job, pretty much everything about my life. I just was obsessed with negative thoughts much of the time.

It's tough to say how long I was depressed before I went to see the doctor. I can't speak for you (or anyone else), but for me, there wasn't really a definite "start" to it all. It wasn't like I was wonderful one day, but depressed the next. It was a gradual thing that sort of built up over time. I do know I mentioned feeling bad/depressed to my partner in mid-March or so, so by that point, I had certainly been feeling something for at least two or three weeks. Also, by looking back at my old blog entries, I read the one about wanting a camera back in late February. At that point, I wasn't too bad in, but I know I was hoping "scratching my creative itch" would help get me out of my funk, so I must have at least been slipping in by then. I saw the doctor in mid-April, we discussed various options, and she decided that a mild anti-depressant might be ideal for me. So I was probably depressed for at least six weeks, and probably at least two months, before I started the drug therapy.

Because it was a mild anti-depressant, it did take about four or five days before I saw any effect. (I was warned that that might be the case.) And I did have to continue taking them for over six months, and then wean myself off of them. I PERSONALLY didn't have much problem with that part of it, and from what I've heard, this particular pill isn't too difficult to come off of. Instead of two a day, I did one a day for a week, and then I was done. And no - no sexual side effects. I actually was hornier on the pill than I was before I took it, since my mind was freer to enjoy sexual thoughts.

Lex

 

[orem244]

Antidepressants don't cause suicide- the association is due to the fact that people who are depressed are often too unmotivated to do anything, including take the steps to kill themselves. It is very rare though, and honestly not a reason not to take them (it is, however, a good reason to monitor the medication closely and see a psychotherapist regularly).

The other side effects specific to anti depressants are mostly specific to the older drugs. The newer drugs are designed to produce the beneficial effects without the side effects because they work on different mechanisms. Yes, some side effects do exist, but none of them are life-threatening or very dangerous (other than the aforementioned suicide risk). The only common side effect is lack of sexual drive, but it is generally mild and far preferable to being so miserable that you can't even experience life. If you experience side effects, you can always reevaluate your treatment.

I find it tragic that 1David1 is probably going to listen to the histrionic and uninformed sob stories regarding antidepressants that reaffirm what he wants to believe over heavily established statistical evidence. Oh well...

 

[Eagle653]

Guys...this is a NO FLAME ZONE!

We are watching this thread very carefully. Please tote the line. I hate to get nasty at Christmas.

I'm leaving what's been written because, while I think things on both sides of the anti-depressants issue could have been said more tactfully, they don't rise to the level of "flame" (yet).

Thanks, in advance, for stepping back, taking a deep breath, and responding civilly.

 

[Luka]

Personally I am very against Anti-Depressants and therapy. You can be a self healer if you really try. You need to go out into the world and discover who you are as a person, experience some new things, take some chances. Depression is cured through your actions, if you take drugs it will just supress your feelings until you cant take it any more and eventually kill yourself (that is one side effect of using them, read it online)

So good luck and i hope you take my advice

 

[orem244]

Um, I agreed with you when you said that SSRI's increased suicide risk. No need to link a million articles that say the same thing. All I'm saying is it's rare, and the benefits outweigh the risks to a large extent (but, as I said before, it is something that should be watched for).

And while there are undoubtedly be a couple cases of studies that have found SSRIs to not work in certain instances, there's a VERY extensive scientific literature that proves it's effectiveness that you seem to have conveniently skipped over in your review. I don't care enough to take the time to post studies, but feel free to google/pubmed it yourself.

 

[KaraBulut]

The problem is that not all depression is the same. It is a symptom that has multiple causes. That is why different things work for different people and what works one time may not work another time.

Antidepressants are where most people start. They can be quite effective for those who have an underlying pathology like seasonal affect disorder. But too often, antidepressants are prescribed to treat the symptom but the emotional cause is never addressed.

In this forum, you can offer support, advice or talk about your own experience. Several of the posts have gone beyond that and it is not helpful to the needs of OP.

The important thing is that OP needs to see his physician and talk about his options.

 

[Luka]

The important thing is that OP needs to see his physician and talk about his options.

For the record i think thats a bad idea, physicians are one of the biggest problems we have, they get all their money from drug companies, dont trust them on mental issues. If you start having pains in ur chest, go or something physical, other than that u can do it on ur own.