Nonimus Says: "Hav A Mrry Xmas!"

[james1200]

The Chavivity

There's this bird, right, called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (whatever
that is). She ain't married nor nuffink, but she's livin wiv this
bloke, Joe, innit, in a crib dahn Nazaref. He does woodwork an that.

an Gabriel just goes "You got one up the duff, you ave." Mary's totally
gobsmacked! She gives it to im large "Stop dissin me yeah? I ain't no
Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!"

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six mumfs gone erself.
Liz is largin it. She's filled wiv spirits, Barcardi-Breezers an
that. She's like "Oarright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me belly
and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an
that we iz

gonna get." Mary goes "Yeah, s'pose you're right."

Mary n Joe ain't got no money so they has to ponse a donkey, an go
dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this boozer an Mary wants to stop,
yeah? To have her bay-bee an that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an Joe break n
enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an sheep
an that.

Then these free geezers turn up, looking propper blingin, wiv crahns
on their eads. They're like "Reespec, bay-bee Jesus", an say they're
wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: "If you're so wise, wotchoo doin wiv this Frankenstein an
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?"

It's all about to kick off, when Gabriel turns up again an sez he's
got another message, from this Lord geezer. He's like "The filf is
comin an they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to
Egypt." Joe goes "You must be monged if you think I'm goin dahn Egypt
on that minging donkey" Gabriel sez "Suit yerself, pal. But it's your
look out if you stay." So, they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped
killin the first-borns an it's safe an that. Then Joe and Mary and
Jesus go back to Nazaref, an Jesus turns water
into Tennants Super.

The End

HAPPY CRIMBO

 

[treanir]

Oh. My. God. That's just bloody wonderful!

 

[trawler69]

On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me,
twelve chavvers chavving,
eleven prammers pushing,
ten lads joy-riding,
nine ladies drinking,
eight midriffs showing,
seven scallies stealing,
six teens a-laying,
fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs,
four stolen phones,
three navel studs,
two tracksuit tops
and a pikey in Burberry

 

[Pringle]

Bravo - Encore - This thread is too funny. MORE!

 

[james1200]

this is from answers.com...

Do Chav`s celebrate Christmas if so how?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Haha, good question! So many ways....

Drinking too much Lambrini, screwing their best mates boyf / brother / etc and getting up the duff (their New Years are spent filling in forms to scrounge off the social) ;O)
Giving each other sovereigns, Elizabeth Duke jewellery, Burberry caps, white sh*t, tracksuits (only duh wuns wiv wun leg shor'er than de uvver doh innit???!!) etc etc, all wrapped up in tasteful Burberry paper and put under the tree they hacked out of the park
Screaming at Beyonce-Kylie, Chardonney-Porche and Brintney-Biana (Kids aged 3, 'Mums aged 15, natch)

and generally acting like the scum of the earth that they are!!! ;O)

 

[trawler69]

Here is who visits Noni on Chavmas eve.

 

[Nonimus]

Jeeze, I walk into town for 20 minutes to collect my welfare cheque, pausing momentarily to knock back 10 cans of Carling and the JUB crowd cyber-lynches me!

I unno if that's from Nonimus, I mean I didn't see " n' shit" anywhere in that story.

Anyone got a spare ciggy? n'shit?

 

[james1200]

LOL nonimus...i wish we had those generous european welfare programs here...i'm sick of working.

personally, i love you chavs cause really you're just the british version of my dad's side of the family but i'm seeing a lot of hatred for chavs online like the article below...there doesn't seem to be the equivalent hatred for "white trash" or wannabes here...what's up wit that? i mean the whole chavscum thing...and all these sites dedicated to hating on them...is it just a class thing or something else?? personally i think the assholes are just jealous of the tracksuits.

http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2153
Sutton in Ashfield Chav Welfare Scum
_POSTEDON by Popacap
[ Edit | Delete ]

ChavTowns (non-geographic) Popacap _WRITES "
Sutton in Ashfield boasts many things....

Second from last in the education league tables, one of the countries highest rates of teenage pregnancy & and sexualy transmitted desease, and double the national average of welfare spongers. Not to mention the town's famous 'scab miners' in the 80's.

I have yet to see a local male 30 years or below without a cap, blue 'trackies' and prison whites. They also sport the classic chav face, mouth always open and bottom lip sagging yet protruding. This look has taken years of inbreeding and lack of education to perfect.

The local accent is almost is almost impossible to understand, it is sounds like a gutteral version of a 'honking' seal. This is never done at a reasonable volume every noise must be shouted as loud as possible. The volume is especially loud when swearing-most of the time!

Children are taught to swear before they've eaten their first microchip. The single mothers while away hours in Asda swearing at their children and piling up the trolleys with processed filth and vodka WKDs.

Local pastimes include, sponging, swearing, smoking & drinking. The parents do the same!

My previous neighbour, single mother Shazza could hardly contain her, joy when 12 year old Kylie finally became pregnant by 38year old glue sniffer Baz. Extra benefits all round, they might be able to afford that staffy puppy at last. Then they've made it.

My latest neighbour doesn't send her son to school, he's nine years old. She can't be arsed to get up that early. Anyway the 'little twat' has ADD. She also couldn't see why she should give up smoking and drinking just because she was pregnant! When boyfriend Gaz comes around the 'little bastard' has to go to his room and listen to his Crazy Frog CD. He's got to 'get off his face' have an arguement and then beat up the girlfriend because shes been 'shagging around'.

These are actualy real people. What is worse the whole town consists of more of the same. They are loud, rude, foul mouthed and stupid. Hell, they are even officialy stupid! They are proud of their stupidity.

They are an utterly despicable breed with no aspirations whatsoever...aside from 'getting off their face'.

Why do they bother existing?








Remember, all tracksuits are flammable!

 

[james1200]

elvin, this isn't supposed to be funny. this is damn serious!

rudolph the red nosed reindeer
had some very shiny bling
and if you ever saw him
you saw him eat a chicken wing

all of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him chav
they never let poor rudolph
join the well-paid reindeer staff

then one bloody christmas eve
santa came to say
rudolph with your bling so bright
sod off or i will start a fight

then all the reindeer kicked him
as they shouted out with glee
rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
go back to sodding cant'bury

 

[Nonimus]

[quote=james1200;1985936]
Sutton in Ashfield Chav Welfare Scum
_POSTEDON by Popacap
[ Edit | Delete ]

ChavTowns (non-geographic) Popacap _WRITES "
Sutton in Ashfield boasts many things....

Second from last in the education league tables, one of the countries highest rates of teenage pregnancy & and sexualy transmitted desease, and double the national average of welfare spongers. Not to mention the town's famous 'scab miners' in the 80's.

I have yet to see a local male 30 years or below without a cap, blue 'trackies' and prison whites. They also sport the classic chav face, mouth always open and bottom lip sagging yet protruding. This look has taken years of inbreeding and lack of education to perfect.

The local accent is almost is almost impossible to understand, it is sounds like a gutteral version of a 'honking' seal. This is never done at a reasonable volume every noise must be shouted as loud as possible. The volume is especially loud when swearing-most of the time!

Children are taught to swear before they've eaten their first microchip. The single mothers while away hours in Asda swearing at their children and piling up the trolleys with processed filth and vodka WKDs.

Local pastimes include, sponging, swearing, smoking & drinking. The parents do the same!

My previous neighbour, single mother Shazza could hardly contain her, joy when 12 year old Kylie finally became pregnant by 38year old glue sniffer Baz. Extra benefits all round, they might be able to afford that staffy puppy at last. Then they've made it.

My latest neighbour doesn't send her son to school, he's nine years old. She can't be arsed to get up that early. Anyway the 'little twat' has ADD. She also couldn't see why she should give up smoking and drinking just because she was pregnant! When boyfriend Gaz comes around the 'little bastard' has to go to his room and listen to his Crazy Frog CD. He's got to 'get off his face' have an arguement and then beat up the girlfriend because shes been 'shagging around'.

These are actualy real people. What is worse the whole town consists of more of the same. They are loud, rude, foul mouthed and stupid. Hell, they are even officialy stupid! They are proud of their stupidity.

They are an utterly despicable breed with no aspirations whatsoever...aside from 'getting off their face'.

Why do they bother existing?


Remember, all tracksuits are flammable!


[/quote]

Meh, that sounds about right.

Loving the Rudolf Carol, I always get teary-eyed at Xmas