Not given the chance

[global01]

So I've been chatting to this guy online for a while, I've seen him out a couple of times and we caught up once off the cuff - nothing happened, it was just chatting and getting to know each other. There were a couple of moments where I would have jumped him there and then but thought that might not be the best idea straight up! He's very cute, has a good job, sense of humor similar to mine, close in age etc - basically everything you'd look for at the start of something to potentially develop into more.

We're both fairly busy so a lot of communication has been through the dreaded text messaging. There has been a lot of conversation, a lot of flirting and the occasional more adult kind of chat.

We finally set a time for an actual official date which I've been really looking forward to - and then the night before he messaged me to say he couldn't see us being anything more than friends. This obviously came completely out of left field.

Do guys just change their mind like this? I understand that attraction needs to be there but personally if I didn't see something going down a potential dating path I would tell them upfront and not keep up the conversation of something different. I guess I just can't help but feel like I did something wrong, and never got given the chance to prove myself?

 

[maxpowr9]

If he wanted to be friends, he would still meet up with you. So my take is he blew you off and you should just move on.

Yes, I have gone on dates with guys and realized there was no "chemistry" but on a personal level we got along.

 

[Rolyo85]

Sometimes you just know it's not gonna get anywhere, and it's not changing your mind. It's build-up from interaction. What seems exciting and promising at first, stops being so way too quickly, and you're no longer interested. Sucks when it's one-sided, but it's not really being fickle.

 

[AstareGod]

That seems odd to me how he went from conversation and flirting, and even planning a date, to just wanting to be friends. That's very low of him to just cancel on you the night before. Guys like that shouldn't deserve your attention.

That said, perhaps this is for the best for you. Things with him may not have worked out down the road. Take this as a chance to put yourself back out there again and find some other guys who are more deserving of your time.

 

[bruce379]

Still, give it a chance. Go on a date. Become friends. It's still something.
I like what Dan Savage said: "There is no THE ONE. The ONE does not exist. There's only the 0.78, 0.64... and then you round it up to the 1. Because you have to realize you aren't THE ONE for him either."
Check out his clips on YouTube. Damn funny but so on point about relationships and stuff.

 

[Seasoned]

Drop it and move on. Initially, there ought be no "work" and no "drama." That part is when you're "rounding up to one" as described above.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, you had a cyber flirtation, he met you - realized there was no chemistry then didn't have the nads to tell you upfront. SO he played status quo, all the while freaking behind the scenes until he finally got backed into a corner and HAD to say something.

In your dating journey, this is a common woodland creature.


NEVER place your self worth in the hands of someone else. That is something YOU do TO yourself for which he is not responsible. Ask yourself in good faith if you were perhaps expecting too much (maybe yes maybe no) all the while reminding yourself that there is no blame to attach, just experience to be gained.

 

[darden]

could really be a bunch of different things... cold feet, you were one of multiple guys he was talking with and things worked out better with someone else, lost interest, boyfriend came back from vacation early, etc.

I wouldn't give it too much thought, just move on to the next guy that catches your eye.

if the guy actually makes moves to indicate that he's interested in striking up a friendship (eg: if he still says he's interested in meeting up, just not as potential dates/hookups), I'd take him at his word -- but if he doesn't make the first move, I'd assume "friends" is code for "I'm not into you but don't want to be blunt about it"

 

[hylas]

- Maybe he met someone else in the meantime.
- Maybe he wasn't really into you, but didn't have the stones to tell you to your face.
- Maybe he was just kind of into you, but not really, and he finally decided that it's not worth it.
- Maybe he got cold feet for whatever reason.

It sucks to be in your situation, but it happens. Move on.

 

[KaraBulut]

Do guys just change their mind like this? I understand that attraction needs to be there but personally if I didn't see something going down a potential dating path I would tell them upfront and not keep up the conversation of something different. I guess I just can't help but feel like I did something wrong, and never got given the chance to prove myself?

Guys do change their mind. Guys do get cold feet. Guys do forget to mention that they're in a relationship with someone else.

Whatever the reason, be glad you it ended before you got more involved.