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Not really sure what I am

ryan2010

ryan2010

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Hi all, I'm Ryan. I'm 19 and I just joined JUB recently. First, wanted to say all the people on here seem great and I was excited to join.

I wanted to ask for a little advice. I know I'm attracted to men, for sure. But I'm also attracted to women. However, it's harder for me to get aroused (aka a boner) with a woman than it is with a man. Let me first say that I haven't ever had sex. With guys, the closest I've been is, well, hugging haha - and I've gotten erections from that. With girls, I've made out many times, and undressed with once (we both still had our underwear on) - and at that time, I was hard but not fully erect, and that was when she was on top of me and we were kissing. I'm into both types of porn, but gay more.

I've had a girlfriend once, but it didn't last very long. I get horny when I see both guys and girls, but the majority of the time it's guys. Whenever I imagine myself in the future though, it's usually married with a girl, with kids. That may be wishful thinking or something, I don't know, but I have no problem with homosexuality and I come from a very liberal area. My dad does though, but that doesn't bother me because he's out of touch with reality in a LOT of ways.

So, I think I may be gay, but I am still attracted to girls. I don't know where this leaves me, and I was wondering if anyone could share a story or similar experience. Sorry for the long post, and thanks for any replies!
 
If you ever do marry, make sure that you tell her before hand that you like men too.
 
Sometimes you just need to go with your "gut" feelings. At 19 it is too early, in my opinion, as to your orientation. Why get hung up with it. Do what feels right to you and enjoy. Just play safe.

I didn't fully become comfortable with being with guys till I was in my 30's. I never married and always felt something was lacking when with a girl.

I am now partnered and have been for almost 14-years and they have been the happiest times of my life.

Ryan, you are young. Experiment and don't feel you have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Like I said before, have fun and be safe.
 
A friend of mine has a similar experience. And you know what he decided to do? he decided to be stay a virgin (even though he went to 3rd base with a guy, but not with a girl) and wait until he's 30. If he happens to be still single, he will marry this girl best friend (apparently they made a pact).

Let me just say, that's just a pathetic decision but it's his decision so I just stay his friend and support him. I just hope you won't reach to a similar decision down the road like my friend.

In all honesty, I don't see how you can see having a family with a girl is in your future if your more instinctive attraction is to men. Physical attraction, in most examples, is the first spark to dating => relationship => family. I mean you can certainly and probably will meet a girl that you care A LOT for but don't get mistaken that for love.

I guess at the moment, you can classify yourself as bisexual. I certainly don't see that as a crutch, I think it just means you have more options. That said, it does not mean you can cheat on a girl with a guy or vice versa and use the excuse: "well I'm bi, you should understand. Right?" oh Hell no!!

Just understand who you are, be in tune with yourself and go search for both men and women equally. Down the road, I'm sure you will meet a guy or a girl that will turns your head, turns your stomach up side down. Then get to know that person and go from there....it's not that hard.
 
I have to agree with the other posters. If you are not sure sure about what you want, experiment, on both sides. Very few of us have the luxury of knowing with absolute certainty what we want out of our love lives. Just don't panic and play safe.
 
You're bi and men are more a turn-on than women. Do you think yourself more as a Top or a bottom?
Many men(and many women too) marry and have children only to realize sooner or later that it's a dead-end.
 
Your story is EXACTLY like mine, except i have never had a girlfriend or had sex. I too got erections from hugging my male friends and just thinking about doing anything sexually with them gets me aroused. I too feel I am attracted to both men and women but as of right now idk. I think i am more physically attracted to men and emotionally to women. I am just living life at the age of 20 and i don't know if experimenting is right for me at this time.

If you have any other questions feel free to PM me.
 
Hmm, that sounds like me till i just stop worrying about the whole matter and just let go. I consider myself Bi-without any outlook for anything in particular when I see it I want it.
 
Hey, I wish I could have responded earlier but I've been traveling a lot recently! Haven't had access to a computer in forever.

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone for the comments they left and the suggestions. I suppose the main reason I'm asking this is because of the whole coming out thing; while on the one hand I don't really feel the personal need to come out as gay or bi with a tendency towards guys to everyone, on the other I feel like I have a responsibility to my closest friends and especially family.

So I'd like to pose another question...if I came out as, well, not 100% straight to my family, I believe my mom would be fine with it, but my dad on the other hand, as religious as he is, would very much not be (and possibly kick me out or something, I don't know). I could be wrong, but personally I don't think it's worth it to greatly upset him and risk both of us never really interacting for the rest of my life, in exchange for, I guess, the "good" feeling of getting that off my chest. So, I was just wondering what other people would do in a situation like this? I understand the whole argument that it's not my fault if someone else is ignorant and decides to respond cruelly, but at the same time, people from my father's foreign culture have basically no chance of changing, and homosexuality/bisexuality is purely "sinful" to them. So, I get that that's ignorant, but on the other side I think it would be better to not come out to him because that would create more strife than there would be with me hiding it from him.

Sorry for the long post, and I know it sounds like I have a huge bias/am answering my own question, but was just thinking maybe there are some people who'd have some good comments to add to this. Thanks in advance & to all the people who responded to my first post!
 
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