Not sure if I should be bothered

[deathbylemons]

So... lately I have been facing a certain problem. I don't know much about how people would receive it, but my family advices against telling others about it cause it might make them view me differently. So I'm just going to clam up for now. But I'm feeling a little detached from my friends, since I can't talk to them about it. And because of that I feel a little lonely and might be slightly depressed though I'm not that depressed that I need medicine and stuff. I can still stuff it down deep inside and smother it if I have to. But this is not the point of this thread, just wanted to give a little background.

Anyway, there was this guy, we're friends. I really like him (as a friend), and consider him like one of the person I trust most and am most comfortable talking to. So I came to him with my dilemma. He was alright when we talked about it and offered support and all. But when the time came when I needed to talk to him... I couldn't reach him. I called him but couldn't get him, and he didn't reply any of my texts. So by then I gotten really worried and was wondering if something had happened to him. I wanted to text his boyfriend and ask if he was alright... and then I saw that went online and posted some stuff. So obviously he has access to internet and his phone.

So I waited to see if he would reply me. Nothing. That really made me feel betrayed and kind of like... abandoned. Someone I had trust so much, just leaving me alone in the time when I needed him the most.

I know he isn't my boyfriend or anything and i don't have any intention of getting with him. But he makes me laugh even when I was feeling down, and I could be myself around him without him judging me like most of my friends. I really like him, as a friend. So it pains me to have him ignore me like that...

So the thing is... should I try to contact him again? Give him a chance to see if there was anything that actually happened that prevented him from contacting me? I'm just a little confused about everything right now. Oh and it's been about a month since the time I tried to reach him.

Sorry about the long post. And I'm not sure if this should be here.. but friendships are relationships as well... right?

 

[aaggii]

Of course you can still ask him about everything, just to make sure, even though (from the outside looking in, as the song says) it seems pretty clear that he got tired of your ¨friendship¨. I´ve been in the situation where one of my best friends cut me off in an instant without saying why. She even made someone call me pretending it´s her, because she didn´t have the guts to end the friendship herself. Later, she realized she did wrong and chased me quite to the point of online and almost real life stalking, just to be friends again, but I said no.

If he treated you like this once, he will do it again, if your friendship continues. My advice is to meet people, you never know where your next best friend might come from.

 

[Seasoned]

This is absolutely the correct forum. Let me call him names so you don't have to. He's acted like a douche towards you. Healthy adults are able to put closure to things they wish end. Unfortunately, this guy was unable or unwilling to do so.

The lesson we can all take away from this is to not do this. When moving on we all ought to have the guts to tell the person we are doing so and hopefully why. But it's not a perfect world and when someone drops us we need to move on as well.

Without calling him names, you could write or text to let him know how you feel. To remain healthy that's the most you can do. After that work on forgiving him. Both of those actions will free up your emotions so that you're not trying to function with that stuff bottled up.

We all have the capability to stuff things and bury them deep, but it's emotionally and sometimes physically unhealthy to do so with issues that linger. The trick is to get that garbage out of ourselves without making things worse. Most cultures do not teach us how to do this and until we know better we respond in a passive or aggressive manner. Stuffing it is passive; yelling, threatening and bullying is aggressive. Assertiveness is what's called for. Being calm, stating our feelings without accusations, avoiding the use of "never" and "always," using "I" statements, etc. is the way to go. This is the basis of "fair fighting" and you can find more info in line.

As mentioned already, having a circle of friends takes away some of the sting.

The key now is to decide if you need to let him know your feelings as in, "I felt (feel) ______ when you ______." Getting an answer is not important. What is important if you chose this route is to let go. Do not stalk him online, etc.

It's tough losing someone and not knowing why. Best wishes.

 

[sixthson]

First, I would probably not try contacting him again. It sounds like you have done enough of that. Secondly, your friend let you down. Friends do that sometimes. And sometimes when this happens, we find out they were never friends.
Some people, for whatever reason, don't handle confessions well. Perhaps, they cannot get it out of their minds and it colors how they see you. Or maybe they don't have what it takes to help you deal with the issues.

Start by not hating him. As Seasoned said, it's okay to admit he has been a jerk, but then forgive him. That brings release for you, too.

Good luck and let us know if anything happens.

 

[hylas]

I understand that you're hurt by his behaviour, but I also symathize with your friend and I feel like I've been in his shoes many times. People with depression can be very draining to their friends sometimes. And I say that while symapthizing with your situation, and without judgment, because I've dealt with drepression myself in the past.

What I suspect happened here is that you were just too much for your friend, and he needed some space. Ideally, he would have said that openly instead of just ignoring you, but that can sometimes be difficult as well. It's probably not helping that you have only few people to talk to about your issue. Your friend probably feels a lot of pressure, being your only (?) confidant outside your family. That pressure probably contributed to driving him away.

I would not contact him until he contacts you again, or a lot of time has passed. If you're still interested in being friends with him then, you can tell him that you were hurt by him ignoring you, and see what he sais.

Btw: "I really like him (as a friend)", "I know he isn't my boyfriend or anything and i don't have any intention of getting with him."... are you sure you're not into him? Because it seems to me that you're protesting a little too much on that front, and one-sided romantic attraction is another factor that can drive friends away.

 

[deathbylemons]

I think I would let him know how his ignoring me has affected me and see how it goes from there. If he doesn't reply, well I'll just probably forget about it.

And hylas, I don't have depression. This is the first time that I've dropped an issue on him. There were many times when I was there for him, included the time when his grandfather passed away, drove him to the clinic when he was sick and when he needed someone to talk/vent I would always listen to him. I did share some stuff with him about my private life as well, but I don't think that any of those were too much of a burden. I was always there for him when he needed me, I just thought that he would do the same when I needed him. Probably I might have been too much as you said, but I'm not sure if it was. Though it is a good perspective to look at. Things would be different now if that were to be the case.

Definitely no romantic feelings at all I am sure. I was just clarifying that in case anyone would read it and assume that I had some kind of feelings for him. Because I said that it had hurt me when he didn't reply, I just didn't want anyone to mistaken that I felt hurt because I had feelings for him.

Oh an update, I received a message from him earlier today, initially I was thinking he had finally replied... but it turned out to be a stupid game invite... that kind of ticked me off.

 

[brokegayguy]

I think I would let him know how his ignoring me has affected me and see how it goes from there.

NO!!!

He doesn't give a shit about you.

You said he hasn't spoken to you in a month. That is NOT something any "friend" ever does, it doesn't matter if your relationship is platonic or romantic.

Also, you said you have been there for him before, but now you're in a time of need and he's not there. Do you even realize how shady that is? Maybe I'm just a cynic, but I've met too many punks who treat their "friends" like they're disposable. The way you describe this whole thing, he sounds like one of them.

Even if you rekindled things, why would you? You're always going to have that fear of being ignored in the back of your mind. Believe me, people who do things once are liable to do them again. Your "friendship" has already been forever tainted by this and has a very high probability of further heartbreak.

Forget him.