Not sure I'm doing the right thing...

[1David1]

Right now I'm trying to get laid to get my mind off the last experience a YEAR ago (not rape or anything, erectile dysfunction issue on my part), because I kinda let that last time turn me off of sex. Plus all the stress I'm under doesn't help my sex drive.

Now, I haven't had sex before and I'm nervous which is bad. I'm sure that what I'm doing is right, but I'm not sure I chose the right person for that. I know what I'm doing is totally stupid and fucked up but so is life.

I've only talked to him online a bit and we're basically complete opposites. I'm on the more depressing, sad, introverted side and he's... well let's say I'm Norah Jones and he's Paris Hilton. I've been through a lot of shit, I'm still doing pretty bad, and he seems completely empty and bland. He's still into me (my pictures, anyway). It probably won't be a relationship anyway, but should it matter that I think he's potentially obnoxious as a person (hmm, he asked about my dick size before he asked what my name was)? I'm only looking for a quick sex experience so I shouldn't be too picky but still. I don't want a total failure cause my self esteem really isn't that high.

 

[1David1]

I also want to hear gay views on this...what do you think about being a bottom on a one night stand? I find that so humiliating, unlike doing oral or topping. (I'm not considering doing that with him, but there's another less obnoxious person who's a top).

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

I don't know, if this is the "right" thing. Make sure you used a condom. Either put it on him, or watch and feel to make sure it is on. Most people advise to meet in a neutral place, like a coffee shop before going to do the deed. There are a lot of nuts out there.

I see nothing wrong in having sex just for sex.

 

[Georgiadude]

I don't think you should do this. At least with this person. I don't have a problem with having sex, that's not the point. Find someone that your more compatable with. I guarantee this guy is going to do what he needs to get off, not really give a dam about you and leave. You already have low selfesteem by your own admission. I promise somebody "using" you will not help it. I don't have a problem with hookups. Hell, I've had several, but I find someone that will at least be civil. This guy sounds like a complete ass.

 

[swerve]

Why would you want to have sex with someone that you ALREADY know you DON'T LIKE???

AND...

Why do you feel that bottoming on a "one night stand" is humiliating???

I don't get it...

Why don't you find someone that you are INTO -- and HAVE FUN!!!

Sounds like the most REASONABLE path to follow -- for me anyways...

Be safe dude...

 

[morgaes]

If you find bottoming to be humiliating, then perhaps it's not for you. I don't think shouldn't matter whether it's a one-night-stand or not.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm only looking for a quick sex experience so I shouldn't be too picky but still. I don't want a total failure cause my self esteem really isn't that high.

All the reasons you've listed are disastrous reasons for having a one-night stand.

You can do better.

 

[1David1]

Yeah I'm not going to do it, at least not with him. I'm not that type of person at all and I'm almost sorry about it. I'm more anxious to do it for the sake of doing it, I'm 21 and I feel so behind. I'm not even that horny at all. I'm not into clubs at all and online hookups sound pretty awful... I also don't think the pic I have represents me very well. It's 6 months old and I look worse now. I lost 10 pounds in the past month without trying all because of stress. I look pale and have very dark circles under my eyes.

So all in all, I just feel like I'm behind and desperate to change it. I might go for another guy but I think that even for a one night stand, there should be SOME chemistry. That guy has such a disgusting attitude, I'd probably get mad for doing it with him if he says/does something I don't like.

Why do you feel that bottoming on a "one night stand" is humiliating???

Just because guys like him tend to be trashy as hell and might see it that way themselves. Kind of like how it's "cooler" for guys to get women to have sex with them not the other way around. I also come from a family where being gay is horrible so maybe bottoming is a complex I should I get over. I'd actually like to try everything but I always overthink everything which sucks the fun out of anything.

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, this has mistake written all over it. That's like reaching for the first food available because the last meal sucked. Maybe go find yourself a quality meal instead?

>>>maybe bottoming is a complex I should I get over.

Bingo. Bottoms just know what they like in bed. It doesn't matter what part goes where. It doesn't make them any less a "man". One might argue it makes them more so - they know what they fuck they want, and they go get it.

Lex

 

[1David1]

Maybe go find yourself a quality meal instead?

Well that's the problem. I'm not that outgoing, I hate clubs, I'm so busy with work. Waiting for a quality meal has made me an inexperienced 21 year old. That's why I consider online hookups - if I give that up, what else do I have left? It's not like I have to calm my sex drive or something, I just feel that my life is so boring.

It doesn't make them any less a "man". One might argue it makes them more so - they know what they fuck they want, and they go get it.

I totally get that. I hope no one was offended. It's just my own personal complex and I'll get over it like I got over trying to find a girl. Bottoming in a relationship is fine anyway, just as a one night stand it makes my head do some overthinking.

 

[3nipples]

I suggest you go to a few gay saunas, not for sex but to check out the scene and learn to relax in a gay place. If someone approaches you that you rather didn't, just move away from him; there is no obligation on your part. Basically just move around and enjoy the facilities.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Well that's the problem. I'm not that outgoing, I hate clubs, I'm so busy with work. Waiting for a quality meal has made me an inexperienced 21 year old. That's why I consider online hookups - if I give that up, what else do I have left? It's not like I have to calm my sex drive or something, I just feel that my life is so boring.

By whose standards? People need to live our lives by own yardsticks, not the ones of their neighbors. Believe it or not, you don't HAVE to get laid at all times. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with hooking up with whoever, but you gotta do it because you WANT to do it. Because it sounds fun and exciting to you. If it doesn't, then fuck it - stay home. Work on expanding your social circle, and on meeting some gay guys you can actually form relationships with.

Lex

 

[swerve]

WOW!!! I'm impressed with your decision making capabilities!!!!

I just wanted to clarify that there is NOTHING WRONG with online hook ups -- it just sounds like the one you were PLANNING on meeting was a total DICK!!!

I would recommend just screening them a little bit more...

I STILL don't get the bottoming thing -- but hey -- I'm not that COMPLEX of a guy!!!

GET COMFORTABLE in your OWN SKIN -- and you'll be a total catch for ANYONE!!!

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe go find yourself a quality meal instead?

Well that's the problem. I'm not that outgoing, I hate clubs, I'm so busy with work. Waiting for a quality meal has made me an inexperienced 21 year old. That's why I consider online hookups - if I give that up, what else do I have left? It's not like I have to calm my sex drive or something, I just feel that my life is so boring.

There's a distinction that you're missing.

There's lots of nice guys out there looking for someone to date and have monkeysex with.

Are you going to find them on online hookup sites? Maybe, but the odds are against it.

Online dating sites are the Walmart of gay sex. There's lots of merchandise there but most of what you get there is going to be cheap, low quality and isn't going to last. If you want something better made and that is going to last, you're going to have to pay a little more- and probably you'll need to shop at better venues than Walmart.

And the same is true of relationships.

 

[Georgiadude]

I'm happy you have decided not to meet up with the guy. I'm sure he is going to keep trying to get with you. Don't let him talk you into it. He's only interested in getting in your pants. You can do better.

Please stop thinking you need to "catch up". You by far are not the only 21 year old that hasn't had sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and anyone that tells you different is an idiot. The media, movies and our peers like to make it sound like everyone is running around getting busy every day. That simply is not true. Everyone is different and when the time is right for YOU then act on it. If you have sex just to "catch up" I guarantee you will be disappointed. Take your time, find someone that deserves to be with you. Someone that will be patient and respect you. Not treat you like a piece of meat. Like I said before. I am not against hook ups. Just hook up because you want to enjoy the experience, not to get rid of your virginity. There are a lot of good guys out there looking. Be patient, be careful and it will happen.

 

[Eagle653]

Having even casual sex with this guy with do nothing for your self-esteem. You basically find him repulsive, at least emotionally. Hooking up with him will only make you feel worse about yourself. You really can do better. Hang in there.