Not trying to label myself, but curious as to what my feeling mean....

[bma1983]

I have to ask the OP (and to other bi men who say they have no or can't form emotional attachements to men), why are you having sex with men? Why? What's the point? You say their smell turns you off and you don't even enjoy kissing them. Is it just to get your rocks off and that's it? Scenarios like this always leave me full of questions.

 

[KaraBulut]

REALLY enjoyed the sex, but not feeling any kind of romance or emotional feelings for these guys aside from the same thing I feel for my buddies. kinda "bro-mance" thing.
with women I'll get that emotional, lovey-dovey type thing where I cant wait to kiss and cuddle and be near the chick, with the guys is purely a sexual thing and honestly I dont enjoy the kissing part.
am I alone in this? is this something anyone else has experienced? all three of these guys know exactly how I feel so I'm not leading anyone on, but we still have fun.

You're still pretty new to this. You've probably had relationships (physical and emotional) with women for a decade. You've had casual encounters with guys for a year.

This is where you are today. It could change tomorrow. You could meet a woman and fall in love. You could meet a guy and fall in love which will change the game again.

Too much time and energy is wasted on labels. As long as you're happy, you're playing safe, you're open to the possibilities but being honest with partners about your current limitations, it's not unusual or a problem.

 

[TX-Beau]

Too much time and energy is wasted on trying to convince oneself and other people that "labels," don't matter, when in fact it seems the only labels that don't matter are the ones requiring some guy to admit he wants to fuck other guys.

Right.

Seems to me that all that wasted time and energy starts going somewhere positive when the guy truly doesn't give a fuck about being called gay, 'cause he has no more issues with it.

 

[Rolyo85]

Being gay doesn't make you incapable of appreciating femininity or female beauty. It just means you don't have chemistry with women or the physical desire for them. I would also have sex with a girl just out of curiosity... If the middle management would cooperate. But it doesn't.

 

[Rolyo85]

Nanana, it's just that I wouldn't want to be disingenuous. I wouldn't want to tell someone I'm gay, then have that person notice me salivating over a pretty girl, then say, "hey, you lied to me. I thought you were gay." And then I would have to go into this long explanation about how I find girls visually stimulating, but I just don't feel anything when I'm actually talking to one.

No, I don't really think I ought to have sex with one. I just actually find them, visually, very attractive. It's when I start talking to them that it seems...well, like I'd rather be friends with them. It's not that I stop thinking they are pretty, but I just don't get the, uh, heat. I feel like having sex with them would be like having sex with my sister, even though my sister might be more attractive than a guy I actually would have sex with.

So I would say that I am, without a doubt, as gay as it's possible to be. However, I am sort of bi-curious. I have thoughts occasionally about what it might be like to actually sleep with a girl. I think a lot more gay guys have these kinds of thoughts than would admit it, too. I don't think it means I'm not gay, but I just have a sort of feline curiosity about the "what's on the other side." I doubt I'll ever act on it.

Yes, you're clearly and undeniably gay. Just because you entertain thoughts of women doesn't make you not gay, and there is nothing disingenuous about calling yourself gay. Unless of course, that's not the problem at all

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, I called myself straight until I admitted I was gay - THAT was deception, if you thought you were gay, and it turned out you were bi, I wouldn't call that the same thing.

I slept with women to prove my heterosexuality - turns out that's as gay as it comes.

Hmmm... I thought in CO&R, we addressed the OP's experience...?

 

[bankside]

There are lots of straight guys who sleep with women using the "fuck and run" method. Some people don't feel any great emotional connection whether they're fucking a man or a woman.

 

[Rolyo85]

Why would you try to convince yourself it isn't happening?

 

[Rolyo85]

Even by dick?

Ok, I'm gonna stop now ^_^

 

[Kyanimal]

My own Fascination with SEX was because it was Naughty AND Fun! I was also Lucky enough to have my teens, and twenties, perfectly coincide with the 60s and 70s! "Free Love", "Flower Power", and all that other "Hippie" stuff!

SEX, for the mere experience of SEX, was Awesome! And, it didn't matter, all that much, if I was Playing with a Guy, or a Girl, or any combination thereof!

I was fortunate enough to get to find out what "stuff" was like on both sides of the fence. And, though I KNEW what I really preferred, ALL of that time, I am truly Grateful that I got to participate in all the ranges of Sexuality that I did!

LIFE is not all "Black and White". In my view, Label restrictions are meant to be broken, and explored. You'll never really KNOW until you've Tried it!

What you may finally decide on is Totally up to YOU! I eventually went Completely GAY, butt that doesn't mean that others will follow My choices.

Don't let "Social Expectations" (Labels) define YOU! You're the only one that can figure out, and decide that, for YOU!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[MorrisseyX]

Does the OP have sexual fantasies about other men? Does the OP look at another man and have a sexual attraction? I think the OP only had sex with three guys so he should give himself more time before he labels himself. The OP enjoys having sex with men and that is good.


I am not bisexual but I do believe bisexuality exists. Sexuality isn't black or white it is a shade of gray. I like looking at straight porn and lesbian porn and it is a turn on for me. But I haven't gotten to the point where I feel the urge to have sex with a woman.

The OP has the urge to have sex with other men and he enjoys it. And I think especially in the gay male community there is a lot of biphobia. Society seems to accept female bisexuality and people say it is fluid. So why can't a man be bisexual? Seems to me the OP could potentially be bisexual. I have heard of men who have sex with other men but cannot form an emotional attachment to another man. Like for instance, those guys who go to the bathhouses to get a blow job by gay men but do not identify as gay. Or the married man that goes to gay websites and cruises but is never going to date another men those guys are bisexual I think.

 

[LemonMonk]

Oh you're like me! I can sleep with guys, enjoy it a lot, but I have only had emotional relationships with women. You're not alone, I intend on being in a same-sex relationship soon, just to make sure of what I am. For me, almost all sexual fantasies are about men, but if I am imagining my ideal partner, I can see it's a her, not a him. I class myself as curious at the moment here, but I don't think there is a title around that does whatever I am justice. "hetero-romantice" was mentioned, but it goes further for me. With a woman I have feelings for I can perform sexually, for a man who I find attractive, I can perform regardless of emotions, right now I've never been with a guy romantically, think I need to give that a go before ruling anything out.

Feel free to PM me or whatever if you want to assertain how similarly we see things.

 

[newbored]

Hey guys, first post so please forgive me if I'm doing something incorrectly here.

29 year old white guy, been "curious" my whole life, recently within the last year began to explore my curiosities.
managed to find 3 guys in the last year whom I felt comfortable enough with to be intimate.
always very strict about safety and wanted to make sure these guys were as well, also talked to them for a couple weeks before we met up, wanted to be sure they were sane and had some common sense. had a handfull of experiences with all three, some as a top, some as a bottom, some verse stuff. REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed the sex, but not feeling any kind of romance or emotional feelings for these guys aside from the same thing I feel for my buddies. kinda "bro-mance" thing.
with women I'll get that emotional, lovey-dovey type thing where I cant wait to kiss and cuddle and be near the chick, with the guys is purely a sexual thing and honestly I dont enjoy the kissing part.
am I alone in this? is this something anyone else has experienced? all three of these guys know exactly how I feel so I'm not leading anyone on, but we still have fun.

I'd love to hear from the JUB crowd.

So, I'm late to this but I just wanna say how fucking great it is that there are some many people who refuse to label themselves. Labels can so so stupid and restricting. Human beings were not made to fit into labels. How refreshing to see people who really want to live their lives the way the fucking please to. Obviously, there will always be ideologues who will always judge, criticize and try to shame people over the life decisions they make, especially in a place like this. Too bad, but they just don't really matter.

 

[Rolyo85]

So, I'm late to this but I just wanna say how fucking great it is that there are some many people who refuse to label themselves. Labels can so so stupid and restricting. Human beings were not made to fit into labels. How refreshing to see people who really want to live their lives the way the fucking please to. Obviously, there will always be ideologues who will always judge, criticize and try to shame people over the life decisions they make, especially in a place like this. Too bad, but they just don't really matter.

I am curious to learn how labels "restrict".