G'day menotme123,
Mate the title of your thread "not your normal am I gay question" holds a lot of answers for you here... and its the first place you've got to start.
Your question is the same question, your situation is the same situation faced by thousands of guys - some right now, some yesterday, some tomorrow. There are thousands of great guys struggling with thier own thoughts and emotions, their own turmoil and guilt right now, as you read this.
And thats the very first thing you have to realise. You are normal in that regard. You are not alone. You are struggling with a battle thats been fought and won for as long as men have been men. You are asking the same questions that most of us have asked...some at 19, some at 45, some at 14. You are not alone, your are not a freak, your not some crazy guilt ridden fool.
You are an individual, one with enormous potential, strength and courage, with wisdom enough to seek answers and ask questions, you care and love and you laugh and cry. You are you. You are the guy that your family and friends hold dear to their hearts...and always will.
But you are also a guy learning to love and accept himself. And thats a process that can take some time... but its a process that you need to go through. Just as you would help a friend or loved one accept major change in their lives you need to grant yourself the same time and effort here.
So many of us, so many of the guys who post here asking for help or who reply offering help have been where you are menotme. At some stage or another we have questioned our sexuality, struggled with how we thought we were supposed to be...married, wife, kids, house and dog...only to realise that its not who we are. It can be hard to let go of others and our own expectations of what our lives should look like. It can be hard to let go of the guilt that comes with a pleasure that part of us still thinks is wrong.
So many of us went through parts of our lives where we enjoyed the fantasies of being with guys and then being washed with guilt.
Menotme....this is struggle is won when you love yourself. Value yourself. Give yourself the freedom and honesty that you deserve.
There is no typical gay guy. We are all different. We all love and value different things...spend some time here at JUB and take a look at some of the guys who post here. Its just another false impression that we are all clothes slaves, fashion junkies, queenie types. Thats what makes you so important. Yes there are those guys...and then there are the guys like me and you who like cars, getting our hands dirty, watching the footy with mates... our diversity is our strength.
You being gay or bi doesnt change you. It doesnt mean you have to become someone your not. Thats the last thing you should ever do...but its what you;re struggling with now... its a fight within you thats being fought as you realise that the inside and outside are different...but it doesnt matter. It makes you whole... and truly they are the same. You are still you. Accepting that you are an amazing guy that has great morales and integrity, but is also someone who likes guys, is what makes you happy. Its what gets rid of the guilt and fear.
Learn to love yourself for who you are. Let yourself accept that you may be gay or bi...you dont have to say it right now... but you need to accept that possibility.
And most of all you have to realise that you will always be you. The same great guy that we all see now. Nothing will change when you accept yourself for who you are, you will always be you. An individual who conforms to no stereotype who loves the way he knows how and the one who will take his own path through life.
Theres no right or wrong way to be...whether you;re straight gay or bi. But there is a right way to be you. And thats where you love yourself for the guy you are and you let yourself be happy... you let yourself live your life with the freedom you deserve.
Just take it one day at a time menotme. And realise that no matter who you are you will always be loved and you'll never be alone. Ever.
