Note to self: don't hug him again.

[just a guy]

Judging by your pictures, which are nice, I take it your in the Military. If so is he and could that be a problem?

From the way you describe your relationship its sounds like your close enough to just ask him what the problem is.

 

[8591paul]

Sounds like a good friendship to me...The man buys you little gifts, includes you in his life....maybe he enjoys your company and friendship and since you have started to make moves on him he feels he doesnt know how to react or tell you we are just friends...dont push it...back down from the hugs and such...if it is to be a relationship it will happen....you dont want to lose a friend like him...Now everyone else feel free to disagree!

 

[trawler69]

Some people are not so good with the touchy feely, doesn't mean they aren't into you, all his other actions indicate otherwise. As you are obviously good friends I too think you should be able to talk to him about it. I kinda know where he is coming from as I was dragged up in a family where physical shows of affection affection were just not done.

Don't read into it what may not be there.

 

[KaraBulut]

One thing that you didn't mention was how old the other guy is.

It's a little odd to be "going out" for 3 months but not sure whether you're friends or dating.

You need to talk with him about this.

 

[rareboy]

I suspect he's just going out while you're dating.

Hugging in public sometimes even creeps me out because I just am not feeling the need for that kind of closeness.

Three months and you haven't fucked one another yet?

Platonic, sounds like to me.

 

[G-Lexington]

Let me pull out this card from the decks of Lex again.

Ask him.
Not us.
Him.

If you're buying each other gifts and whatnot, you should be to the point where you can talk to each other. So do it already. "I like hanging out with you - it's a lot of fun. But I don't want us to be working at cross-purposes here. Are you hoping we'll be just friends, or something more? I think I'd like to try for 'something more', if you're up for it. If not, that's cool - I just need to know."

Lex

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

How'd you meet?

 

[Lewis1]

hey u

i just read this whole thread lol you need to say hello to your new best bud
at least untill he acts otherwise

i mean a close relationship with another gay male sounds nice to me
thats what i want (but i always fall for em lmao) but if ou push to hard you may end up damaging your good friendship

i want a update lol

 

[Lewis1]

oh and i love to hug guys lol its as good as sex to me ahhhh

 

[Giovanni]

Some people don't like physical contact from other people. I'm one of them. I get very uncomfortable when someone hugs me.

 

[gabriel1]

Keep away from me with that toucky feely stuff too. Even if you would be my other, I just don't like it.

 

[Alberto_15]

You are going to wish you would have told him something when another boy comes along and steals him away from you!

I know, I'm so positive but it is a posibility!

 

[slnattak]

Sounds like there's no real physical attraction here and you are forcing things too much most likely. Sounds like you feel a deeper kind of brotherly love for him that idealistically, we want to mix with sexual love... not to sound incestuous, just because we are human and straight people do the same thing.

I know what that's like. I am crazy about a lot of men... in such this deep way but when it comes to actual sex, I don't know. I hope I'm not one of those annoying guys that views sex as this dirty nasty thing so I can only sleep with men that I hate, but there obviously seems to be an attraction in that sort of ... uh intrigue I'll put in it.

If we want people to touch us back in that way, sometimes there has to be a conflict involved or you have to rouse up a feeling of hate in him or passion, not just hate but something other than liking him, cause he already knows that. You gotta try to ruffle his feathers somehow and not just go with the flow. I mean he seems to get off on acting like this distant teenage girl in many ways (you described him as cute I'm sorry but that's not a word you should be using to describe a MAN) .... so I think the only way to really rile him up is to act like that bad-ass mean straight boy that juvenile gay boys eat up. But it's sad that you can't seem to be yourself with him eh? You clearly want to work on this more than he does.

By really expressing yourself in a group setting for gay guys you might have unfortunately created a sense of awkwardness that snuffed out all erotica between you too, that is it's kinda hard to find something interesting and sexy when you tell them so much about yourself in a group theory place, but it's extremely understandable because we as gay men, most of us have felt depraved of this kind of interactions in life.

It's not an easy solution, at any rate.

But why not be telling him all this? Sounds like he has his own issues to work out really and if he's not responding to you HUGGING him how in the world would you guys actually penetrate one another? You probably wouldn't that's the thing. It's a buddy-buddy thing that you two have and you might have to accept that. He might feel just like you do and you BOTH have that kind of thing you do where you want to meet guys not just for the 'meat men' thing so any kind of touching makes him uncomfortable because like a straight woman he has put you in his "nice guy, just a friend" box. Want him to be all over you? Don't be the nice guy, just a friend. Be a man and go out of your way to show your epic gay anger to him, tease him more, play with his little teenage girl emotions like he's doing yours... etc.

 

[youngnihilist]

I'm not much of a hugger but I noticed gay guys love to hug. Which is fine, it's cute, it's sweet. Whenever I meet a gay guy and it's time to say bye they always give me a hug (while straight guys never do, and girls even far less). Nice boys.

 

[Giovanni]

Giovanni;
I was one of those people like you for some time til I just could not get away from it and begin to melt down in his arms- he's totally str8. Now that I am many miles away from him; I really missed those hugs. One day, I turned the tables on him and gave him a prolonged bear hugs and he didn't try to break it- he hugged me even harder than usual. I know him too well- he is and will always be str8, and I love him dearly as a friend that he can trust. hugging is a universal language- it isn't a gay thing. It's Cultural in many parts of the world.

not saying it's a gay thing. I don't like hugs from my family either

 

[GBirdie]

Lol, talking about hugs, I just came back from getting a hug for the first time from one of my best friends. He's straight and was gonna be leaving for further studies.... I really wished I could give him a hug or smth, but it just didn't feel right coz we had some other friends around, I wasn't expecting it, but he somehow came and gave me a hug..... Though it was a short one..... but well..... I can't explain it in words.....


Back to the topic, I think having been with another guy more than 3 months..... I think that's quite a long time for Just 'Dating' for guys. (As I know, gay relationships proceed much faster compared to straight ones.... I guess its coz of the sex drive, lol)

I think its high time you tried asking him whats wrong, or like what the others have suggested.... I understand it is hard.... in fact I've experienced similar situations.... and the best thing is.... to not think so much about it, and just blurt out your question, or whatever you have to say.

And in my opinion.... I think your friend is just 'shy' or doesn't know how to advance, and probably the hugs were a little too much for him as starters. Maybe its just up to you...

 

[Lewis1]

Well, I only used the word "dating" because I didn't know what else to call it in a casual context (outings, hanging out, trips, get-togethers? etc). Meaning they're not REAL dates...just two guys hanging out/going out as friends. Nothing official, as far as I know. I met him around February or March, and we started hanging out more towards April. The months just kinda flew by, so it hasn't really felt like that long (to me anyway). I'm not the type to rush things.

It's been over a month now since I hugged him, so it's probably not even worth mentioning anymore. We still get along fine. I'm over the initial shock of it.

Part of me feels like I shouldn't force the issue by having "the talk" too soon, but instead, just let things evolve naturally over time. We already seem to be friends, so why fix what isn't broken? But on the other hand, I'm still infatuated, so the friends status kinda sucks for now (until I get used to it). I know it's my own fault, and I know I'm pathetic. I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but I'll be fine.

Sorry for wasting everyone's time. I really do appreciate all the advice/feedback (even if I seem resistant at times).

(tyra banks) we were alll rooting for you. Lmao I think youve done the best thing by letting it just play out. Alot of us feel the way you do when it comes to friendships that could possibly be more. You want things to progress naturally but then again you wanna be upfront with how you feel but then you may risk losing your friend (well if he truly ya friend it shouldnt matter) but you know what i mean

its no time waste we love hearing about this stuff

 

[backpacker]

I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I'll avoid the cliches as requested. I hope you are doing OK.