Now I'm confused

[ivyguy24]

So, I met this guy at a neighboring college and have gone on a couple dates with him. He's everything I thought I was looking for....he's really athletic, good looking, smart, funny...Last weekend we ended up back at his place, lots of making out and oral...

I consider myself bi, but I'm not experienced with men at all...and have been exclusively with women up until this point. Before this I messed around with a guy in highschool once, but nothing serious. this was my first time doing anything with a guy since I've been sexually active (at least with the opposite sex).

He was great to hang out with, but when we went back to his place I hard time "getting into it"...

like physically he gave really good head (it's true, guys do give a better blowjob)...but I went for the longest time without cumming (he must have asked me like 5 times if I was close), and there were points I had to help myself out just to stay aroused, and to top things off I couldn't help but think of women when I climaxed. I mean the head was nice, but in the end the whole experience wasn't very satisfying.

So, now this guy is hinting at a relationship...and I don't know what to do. I keep trying convince myself I was just uncomfortable, but I really felt at ease with him. And I really don't understand why I feel this way, I mean there really isn't anything not to like about him.

I don't want to keep leading him on if I don't even know how I feel....and I feel if things keep going and things don't work out, I'm just going to end up hurting him...which in in turn hurts me pretty badly too, because I would really feel awful. I'm just so confused about what I'm feeling, and at this point I feel like it would be selfish of me to take things further....

advice from anyone would be great. If there are any bi guys out there, that would be awesome too...I've never actually met any bisexual guys....(well, besides one guy I know who used it as a stepping stone and came out as gay a couple months later)... and I'm really not sure how to deal with it...are my fears reasonable? or am I blowing things out of proportion?

 

[martin6]

Well even though I'm definitely gay, I had a similar experience my first time with a guy. In fact, you pretty much described my time (without me thinking of girls). I think it was just me worried about my inexperience and nervousness about it being the first time because the guy I was with was gorgeous and athletic. Actually I thought he was out of my league which may be why I was sort of uncomfortable. Could be the same for you, too. Or maybe not, it's just a thought! My second time with a guy went much better, so I think it's not something to be totally worried about. And ya know, there's no rush into a relationship that you don't seem to be all that ready for...

 

[Homoerectus]

Go out again. Tell him it is all new to you and you are a little uncomfortable, not with him, but with the experience. Tell him you are really into him and you hope he will help you through you anxiety.

 

[ivyguy24]

cool, I'm defintitely going to talk to him about it and go from there.

Yeah, I keep trying to tell myself it was just nerves...but I felt pretty relaxed, and overall pretty comfortable with the situation, but maybe I just think that in retrospect...idk.

 

[Something Else]

well i'll share my experiences, perhaps they may help you--or not, lol.

i've only dealt with men recently (14months now). and there were periods of which i had thought of women, while in the presence of the man i was interested in bedding. A lot of that was due to the fact that was my reference point sexually. I never had any men to refer to prior, so it wasn't unusual--in hindsight--that my mind would take me back to the last time i had sex, even if it was with the opposite sex.

The other thing of note, that i should add is:

my last relationship with a woman was one that i was madly in love with. So I realized that emotionally i've had grown so intimate to her that even when i wasn't with her i thought about her.

for example, in my first bf relationship...I had thought about her while topping for the first time. It was soo weird, because it's totally different in soo many ways (which i won't go into detail, but just trust me on this, lol). I was wondering if i could ever be into guys like the way i was with her.

I usually take a long time to cum, unfortunately, as well. I cum a lot quicker/faster when i'm into someone--otherwise, i find myself literally goin at it forever. The interesting thing is that i cummed much quicker with my gf--which was due to my emotional state for her. I truly loved her so it was very easy & simple to feel that way, and feel that way quicker.

Well, until my emotions for my first bf developed and became of a deeper level...it took a while to cum--which he was frustrated at times, cuz sometimes i just couldn't cum at all. But i told him--what i just told you. and in the long run, when it came down to it...when my emotional state reached the point that i truly cared for him deeply and was fallin for him...that was when i began having orgasms quicker.

So when my emotions for him reached the point that i truly loved him, it was very similar to my last gf.

I'd imagine that if i were to have sex with either a guy/girl now that it'd take me a long time just the same. And i probably might be thinking of my ex bf--as he was the last person i've loved like that.

For me, i realize that a connection/chemistry must be cemented before I can really get truly *into* someone.

perhaps, for you, it's an emotional state that needs to be reached. A comfort level between the two of you, where you aren't concerned with anything and just "in the moment" as they say.

as i said initially, this may or may not be describing your temperament. Just thought it would provide another perspective, nonetheless.

 

[G-Lexington]

I've said it elsewhere, and I'll say it here - there's nothing wrong with having trouble getting to orgasm. And that goes double when you're with someone for the first time. After all, he doesn't know exactly what you like, and vice versa. If you're feeling like it's taking too long, and you just can't get there, ask him to move down to your balls, and finish yourself off. If you're the one giving head, feel free to make that offer as well.

Should you go out with him again? Sure, why not? I'd make sure he knows you're unsure about "relationship" status just yet, though.

Lex

 

[looseliam]

Well I always thought of guys when I was with a girl, so I can't help in this department.

My first bf was as inexperienced as I was. We were each other's first. Well, in our sense that is.

The first couple times he wasn't able to get hard even though he was mentally into it.

When I got my first blow job many moons ago, I went limp.

Don't worry about it. If you're into him, give it another shot. Don't over analyse, just go with the flow. Thinking of women? So what.

 

[tonyboy]

So, I met this guy at a neighboring college and have gone on a couple dates with him. He's everything I thought I was looking for....he's really athletic, good looking, smart, funny...Last weekend we ended up back at his place, lots of making out and oral...

I consider myself bi, but I'm not experienced with men at all...and have been exclusively with women up until this point. Before this I messed around with a guy in highschool once, but nothing serious. this was my first time doing anything with a guy since I've been sexually active (at least with the opposite sex).

He was great to hang out with, but when we went back to his place I hard time "getting into it"...

like physically he gave really good head (it's true, guys do give a better blowjob)...but I went for the longest time without cumming (he must have asked me like 5 times if I was close), and there were points I had to help myself out just to stay aroused, and to top things off I couldn't help but think of women when I climaxed. I mean the head was nice, but in the end the whole experience wasn't very satisfying.

So, now this guy is hinting at a relationship...and I don't know what to do. I keep trying convince myself I was just uncomfortable, but I really felt at ease with him. And I really don't understand why I feel this way, I mean there really isn't anything not to like about him.

I don't want to keep leading him on if I don't even know how I feel....and I feel if things keep going and things don't work out, I'm just going to end up hurting him...which in in turn hurts me pretty badly too, because I would really feel awful. I'm just so confused about what I'm feeling, and at this point I feel like it would be selfish of me to take things further....

advice from anyone would be great. If there are any bi guys out there, that would be awesome too...I've never actually met any bisexual guys....(well, besides one guy I know who used it as a stepping stone and came out as gay a couple months later)... and I'm really not sure how to deal with it...are my fears reasonable? or am I blowing things out of proportion?

Well man your friend seems pretty much a gay guy, and you are not so sure of yourself. So I'd stay away from him... at least as far as sexual stuff goes. If you want to remain friends with him fine.... go bowling or our out for lunch of somethng. But since he seems to be pretty much into guys, and you don't... I'd leave him alone sexually.
It's not fair to him man, if he is trying to date a gay guy then let him do it. If you haven't figured out if you are gay, then just keep him as a nonsexual buddy.

Yes, it is very flattering that you can attact a gay guy man.... you must be a pretty good looking guy but think of the guy that is attracted to you. If you don't want to date him or have sex with him... well man leave him be. Go out and find yourself a g/f.... and if you still want to be friends with this fine guy let him know that you just want to be friends. What sense does it make to let him suck your dick if you are not into it.... and why waste the time of either of you.
Up to you man.... you've should decide where you want to be. And if you can't decide just now (and nothing wrong with that, it takes some guys lot's of time to figure out where they are sexually).... don't lead this guy on. Not fair to him or you.

 

[sebastian-k]

it was probably nerves 'cause u are not used to be with him, just relax, if you're comfortable with him in any other situation you we be through this in a flash! next time try to think about nothing, just let u go.

 

[ivyguy24]

for example, in my first bf relationship...I had thought about her while topping for the first time. It was soo weird, because it's totally different in soo many ways (which i won't go into detail, but just trust me on this, lol). I was wondering if i could ever be into guys like the way i was with her.

Your senario sounds most similar....I should have mentioned, but the girl I thought about was my ex.

Things sound like they worked for you, so that's encouraging...thanks.

 

[Ninja108]

It is largely nerves. My bf is bi and it took him time to get used to dating another man. Give yourself time, let him know that you're new to this and that in time you'll feel more comfortable. If he udnerstands and truly wants a relationship, he'll allow yourself the time, if not, there are more people out there to date.