Oh I would never date a druggie...

[recuerdeme]

But here I am falling hard for a guy hooked on reefer.

We've been dating for a about 5 months and he tried to stop at one point for obvious reasons but he started back up.

I guess it hasn't really affected anything but still hmm good idea or bad idea?

 

[Jerry]

If he's a good guy and everything else is good, I say go for it.

If the pot is getting to be a problem to his job or relationship with you, then you'll have known ahead of time that it was a possibility.

Hopefully you guys can work it out and get him past the weed

 

[TX-Beau]

Ex Party boy here. The last thing I want to do is be sober and hang out with someone intoxicated. That sucks. Now if I'm there with them OK, but I don't like to go there much these days so I'd have to agree that dating some who's high a lot would be and issue.

Mind, this isn't a value judgment. I have no more problems with recreational drugs than I do with our national favorite recreational drug.

 

[JB3]

If it gets to the point where you two care enough about each other, he'll quit if it means a lot to you. But, if it really bothers you now, tell him.

 

[thisisinteresting]

Yeah, druggie is a rather intense word for someone who smokes pot. Then again, there's people who smoke pot, and people who are high all day every day.

It all depends on how much of a 'problem' he has with it. Does he blow off responsbilities to get stoned? Does everything he does involve getting stoned first? Or does he just like to smoke pot now and again?

If he's not a total burnout it... shouldn't be too much of a problem? I mean you've already been dating five months.

 

[craig15]

I wouldn't mind dating someone that smoked pot because i do occasionally but not a guy that smokes everyday.

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe you're focusing on the symptom and not the cause?

Define "hooked on reefer"... how much pot does he smoke, how often and why do you think he was unable to quit?

Any other issues?

 

[jayxx2]

guess i can relate to the going out with a pot-smoker problem. and despite all the yelling and denying, it is addictive and it ain't good for you. for the guy i went out with, it was the ultimate de-motivator. he didn't want to do a fucking thing (no pun intended), just sit all day and smoke pot. didn't clean up his apartment, look after his pets, look after himself, shower, anything. it was sick to watch. all his $ went to pot and that's pretty much all he was focused on. he was 90% unreliable cause he would forget or skip appointments, sleep through them, or be too high to care to go. total waste of time.

 

[StlKj]

Maybe you're focusing on the symptom and not the cause?

Define "hooked on reefer"... how much pot does he smoke, how often and why do you think he was unable to quit?

Any other issues?

Bingo.

Anyone "hooked" on any kind of illegal substance might have other things you need to be watching out for.

 

[TX-Beau]

Bingo.

Anyone "hooked" on any kind of illegal substance might have other things you need to be watching out for.

OK anyone addicted to any substance might have other issues. Alcohol is in a lot of ways worse that pot.

But none of us in here would have an issue dating someone who likes a little wine with dinner and goes out on the weekends. Alcohol is an addictive drug, the only difference is that one is socially acceptable and the other is not.

The issue is uncontrollable usage. Addiction. Someone who smokes pot recreationally in the same amounts and situations as someone who drinks recreationally is not more inclined to have "other things you need to watch out for."

Someone who drinks all the time and someone who's high all the time have a lot of the same problems, save that the drinker is far more likely to get violent than the stoner.

 

[StlKj]

OK anyone addicted to any substance might have other issues. Alcohol is in a lot of ways worse that pot.

But none of us in here would have an issue dating someone who likes a little wine with dinner and goes out on the weekends. Alcohol is an addictive drug, the only difference is that one is socially acceptable and the other is not.

The issue is uncontrollable usage. Addiction. Someone who smokes pot recreationally in the same amounts and situations as someone who drinks recreationally is not more inclined to have "other things you need to watch out for."

Someone who drinks all the time and someone who's high all the time have a lot of the same problems, save that the drinker is far more likely to get violent than the stoner.

We're not talking about alcohol, are we? We're talking about an illegal substance, and the OP used the word "hooked." I didn't originate that word. He's talking about his boyfriend as if he is addicted to a drug. If that's the case, then I stand by my statement that he "MIGHT have other things" to watch out for.

And for the record, if I was still in the early stages of a relationship and saw big signs that he was "hooked" on alcohol and could not quit, that relationship would go no farther until I saw that his drinking was not a problem.

 

[TX-Beau]

We're not talking about alcohol, are we? We're talking about an illegal substance, and the OP used the word "hooked." I didn't originate that word. He's talking about his boyfriend as if he is addicted to a drug. If that's the case, then I stand by my statement that he "MIGHT have other things" to watch out for.

He also said it hadn't caused and problems.

I guess it hasn't really affected anything but still hmm good idea or bad idea?

Oh please you made a snap judgment and are now trying to justify it.

Addictive drugs are addictive drugs.

 

[StlKj]

He also said it hadn't caused and problems.



Oh please you made a snap judgment and are now trying to justify it.

Addictive drugs are addictive drugs.

Yes, they are. And just because someone's addiction to one hasn't caused any problems yet doesn't mean it won't.

I stand by my assessment--an addiction to any drug, but especially an illegal one, is a major red flag for any relationship.

 

[stiletto]

It's pretty hard to be legitimately 'hooked' on weed if you have the smallest amount of self control.

I should know, I have practically no self control, and quitting weed was remarkably easy for me.

It's really more of a habit than an addiction (unless he's using it to self medicate depression or something). It can be a little difficult to get rid of old habits, no matter what that habit is, but that difficulty is essentially gone after the first one or two days.

It's practically nothing like smoking or alcoholism, where you can still have cravings weeks or months after quitting.

 

[cardshark]

The marijuana debate aside, I find smoking disgusting, cigarettes, cigars, pot, whatever. I hate that you can taste it when you kiss them - its just gross to me. With people who smoke often, I find you can taste it even after they brushed or haven't smoked in a while.

So its a turn off for me.

Back to the pot, assume he isn't going to change for you (pretty common knowledge that its very hard to change a person), so decide if you can live with him as he is now or not. Some people can, some people can't. Personally, I could handle a once in a while pot user, but never someone who does it every day or even every weekend.

 

[KaraBulut]

The issue is uncontrollable usage. Addiction. Someone who smokes pot recreationally in the same amounts and situations as someone who drinks recreationally is not more inclined to have "other things you need to watch out for."

Not always.

People who work with people in recovery will tell you that substance use (not necessarily abuse) often starts as an attempt to self-medicate.

The "drug of choice" can be pot, alcohol, meth, cocaine... or exercise, food, sex ... anything that gives the person a "high" and makes them feel better for a short period of time.

Once they get clean and start dealing with their issues, they realize that that their using was the problem- it was the symptom. The true problem may be simple depression or a they may be bipolar.

 

[spencer]

does this person have an addictive personality?

 

[stiletto]

The marijuana debate aside, I find smoking disgusting, cigarettes, cigars, pot, whatever. I hate that you can taste it when you kiss them - its just gross to me. With people who smoke often, I find you can taste it even after they brushed or haven't smoked in a while.

So its a turn off for me.

They have these fancy things called 'vaporizers' now, where they heat the plant material only to the temperature required to vaporized the active chemicals... No combustion required. When I was toking on the regular, I'd only use one of those. So much better for pulmonary health (and smell in general). It actually tastes almost kind of minty/perfume-y when you use one of those.

Back to the pot, assume he isn't going to change for you (pretty common knowledge that its very hard to change a person), so decide if you can live with him as he is now or not. Some people can, some people can't. Personally, I could handle a once in a while pot user, but never someone who does it every day or even every weekend.

I agree with this. Trying to change him will only drive him away (at least up to a certain point in the relationship). When I'm first getting to know someone the last thing I want them doing is shaming me in areas of my life I'm perfectly comfortable/satisfied in. Pedagogical relationships are wack.

 

[TX-Beau]

Not always.

People who work with people in recovery will tell you that substance use (not necessarily abuse) often starts as an attempt to self-medicate.

The "drug of choice" can be pot, alcohol, meth, cocaine... or exercise, food, sex ... anything that gives the person a "high" and makes them feel better for a short period of time.

Once they get clean and start dealing with their issues, they realize that that their using was the problem- it was the symptom. The true problem may be simple depression or a they may be bipolar.

Sure, alcohol, pot, the chance of other issues remains the same.