The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Oh, what do I do now...?

H

HexualCirce

Virgin
Joined
Mar 12, 2007
Posts
34
Reaction score
0
Points
6
Location
NYC
So, Let's start at the beginning. When I was 21 I moved from a small Texas town to a new glittering world called Manhattan. I started going to a small school and lived here happily for 3 and a half years. Well, relatively happy. In that time the "relationships" that I had been involved in were nothing short of disastrous. The two men I grew closest to ended up getting married. To women. And one actually wanted me to take him back to my place two weeks after the wedding. And because of that I decided to swear off men for the time being. I then moved back home for 2 years. I had always had a husky build but in those two years I gained quite a bit of weight. So now I'm back in NYC and ready to get back into the dating world with a clean slate. But being a chub is difficult. I joined a Chub/Chaser site but most of the guys there are mostly looking for sex. And the ones who seem to have actual personalities don't give me the time of day. I don't think I'm an unattractive person (if you don't consider the weight issue). Is there any advice that you all can give me? And please don't let it be, "Well, lose the weight!" because I am trying but it's difficult for me. I also don't have very many friends here since most of them have moved away in the past two years. A big thanks to any one who can help.
 
Well.. All I can say is..

-Work on keeping a healthy diet (trim down a bit)
-Start looking for people in different places.
-It's not hard to find someone who will accept you being heavy, but you may have to lower YOUR standards in order for that to happen. It's rare to find a hotty open to the chubs.
-Just keep trying. Don't give up. You'll find someone.
 
As I said in my post I look for personality. The personality of some one greatly affects how attractive I find them. I may meet an Adonis but if he's an ass then I will not find him physically attractive. And I may meet some one who I don't find attractive at first but fall for them after I get to know them and how great they are. I never said I was in search of a "hotty" and I can't help but feel a little insulted by that.
 
Look, I was being nice. If you're gonna feel insulted, then whatever. That's not my problem.

I don't know you as a person. I was just throwing out general tips. Take em or leave em.
 
If you live in NYC you may be familiar with LGBT community center, http://www.gaycenter.org. There are literally hundreds of organizations that meet there. There are organizations for almost any interest. I used to belong to the New York Bankers' Groups, Latino Gay Men of New York, Men of All Colors Together, and Latinos and Latinas de Ambiente. Their is a group for southerners. There recovery groups for every type of addiction. There are sports groups, politcal groups and educational groups. They have dances on a regular basis.

I found the center to be the best possible place to make friends. Friends introduce you to other friends; it's called networking.

There is less stress when you meet people because of shared interests than when you meet them in hookup laces like bars or dating sites.
 
Get yourself out there, and start meeting people. Some of them will be gay (and you can stack the deck depending on where you go hang out), and eventually, you'll meet somebody who you click with.

Lex
 
I think it depends in part on what you call chubby. I am not trying to be funny or hurtful, but being grossly overweight is mostly unacceptable by gays. So, even though you don't want to hear, if you are really big you need to get it off. And you should want to do it for your health, not to get a man. What you will find is that as you take better care of yourself you will get noticed more.
 
Thanks megustamyn, that's excellent advice. And, no, I had no idea about that place. I can't wait to look into it. And no, Pablo, I am not grossly overweight. Losing weight is easy for me to do in the city seeing as I mostly walk every where and don't eat as much as I do back home where food is constantly being cooked for me. Thanks again for the great help!
 
I'm a skinny guy, pretty good looking I'd say. No hottie, but definitely handsome. Most of the guys I've dated have been at least a little overweight. It really doesn't make that much of a difference to me. It's all about confidence to me. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me. That said, it's also important to me to date someone who is healthy. It helps a lot for you to not be so overweight that it affects your health.

Even then, I think there's a guy out there for everyone. I'm sure there are thousands of other overweight gay men in NYC in your position. If you have trouble meeting gay men in person, I would check out some online sites that are not based solely on looks. If you go to a chub/chaser site, of course you're going to meet vain guys who are looking only at your body type and not your personality. Try okcupid.com or gay.com.

Keep working on losing weight for yourself, and whatever your weight, make sure you have confidence in yourself, it really does make all the difference.
 
There is this guy at my gym who is a little stocky with a bear gut and love handles, but I swear he is so sexy man. For some reason he is always making these weird faces (like he's perplexed), but it's so cute. I get a lot of stares from the "so called" hot guys (muscleheads), but this guy does not pay me any attention lol,but anyway the moral of this story is, not everyone gay man is caught up on looks.
 
Don't look for a man, don't be concerned about finding a man, don't make losing weight a goal to get a man.

Find friends. You just moved back to NYC and by your own admission you don't have many friends as most of the ones you had moved away. Weight isn't going to be any kind of a problem in general for people that aren't looking to fuck and leave. Follow the others advice, get healthy (even if that means keepin some of the fluff), meet new people and build up your friend network, then when your comfortable with who you are and how you look if you haven't already found someone think about maybe dating that guy in that yoga class you took one time a couple months ago.

p.s phoenix he is losing weight in the post before yours he said so because of all the walking and the lack of having food shoved down his throat no need to get snarky.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top