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okcupid age lying?

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fourozfree

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hi so i have a situation that i'd love to get some anonymous input on.

so i have never really dated anyone and im 21 and so i made an okcupid profile just to see if that might work for me. so like a week ago this guy started talking to me.. his pictures are pretty good and on his profile it says he's 35. he asked me out to do something tomorrow and gave me his email. naturally, his email had his first an last names in it so i stalked him on google (lol). so one of the first results is this video i think for his job or something where he says hes 38, and that was from at least a couple years ago. i think his picture is also old based on how he looked in the video.

long story short, i don't know how i feel about lying like that. like it seems to be pretty sketchy to me, but then also i figure it must be pretty typical on these sorts of sites so i was wondering if that would be a reason not to go, or whether i should go anyway. i don't think it would be acceptable at least to me to date someone who lied about their age, but i'm not sure if i've really been lied to so to speak...
 
I hate guys who lie about their age too. I would confront him and ask again if he is really 35. If you REALLY like the guy, maybe give him a chance and meet with him...If not, move on to someone else.

My logic is that if a guy lies about something as trivial as age, what else would that person lie about.
 
thanks. yeah i ended up not going because i think its kinda seedy to lie like that—sort of suggests a lack of commitment too
 
fourozfree, how do you know he hasn't joined the site three years ago and just never updated?
I'm on bearwww.com and updating stuff there is prohibitively difficult.
 
You made an assumption that he has lied but you gave him no chance to explain. Even if you had and his explanation was not plausible, that would give you the reason to pass on meeting. I assume you have no little secrets you might have fudged on. If you have to run background checks on those you want to meet, I can't understand why you would join a dating site like Okcupid. Somewhere there needs to be a little trust, at least until you meet and evaluate the situation. This, of course, is my opinion and who knows, you may have averted a very nasty experience. Best of luck in the future.

Craiger
 
fourozfree said:
...so i have never really dated anyone and im 21 and so i made an okcupid profile just to see if that might work for me. so like a week ago this guy started talking to me.. his pictures are pretty good and on his profile it says he's 35. he asked me out to do something tomorrow and gave me his email. naturally, his email had his first an last names in it so i stalked him on google (lol). so one of the first results is this video i think for his job or something where he says hes 38, and that was from at least a couple years ago. i think his picture is also old based on how he looked in the video....
Click to expand...

If you would have gone out with a guy who is 40 years old, then you're welcome to throw the first stone.

On the other hand, if you would have treated a 40 year old differently than you would treat a 35 year old, then you are the reason why he may have lied on his profile.

If you want to do something with the guy, go do it. Ask him if he's really 35 and give him the opportunity to explain.

If you don't want to do something with this guy (either way, he's a lot older than you), then politely decline.

One thing to think about: Some sites ask for a member's date of birth (like JUB does) which allows the site to display the member's current age. There are some sites that ask for age and do not adjust the number over time, so it's up to the member to change their age every year (which most don't).
 
KaraBulut said:
If you would have gone out with a guy who is 40 years old, then you're welcome to throw the first stone.

On the other hand, if you would have treated a 40 year old differently than you would treat a 35 year old, then you are the reason why he may have lied on his profile.

...

One thing to think about: Some sites ask for a member's date of birth (like JUB does) which allows the site to display the member's current age. There are some sites that ask for age and do not adjust the number over time, so it's up to the member to change their age every year (which most don't).
Click to expand...

I'll admit that for me 5 years did make the age gap a lot starker. I probably would have seen the situation differently had he been 40, but I might have gone, IDK. The site takes your birthday, though, so regardless he fudged the truth, and I wasn't comfortable with that.

As far as the "conducting background checks" and "trust" thing. Where I am concerned, anything on google is fair game and within my rights to conduct. I guess my advice for all is to be aware that you can find quite a lot based on very little, so be careful online. I don't think that mentality is mine alone. I'll admit that I don't have the most trust for strangers online due to the many horror stories presented by the media.
 
You're 21. Anyone over 30 is in the same age group of "way old" from where you're standing. So, this isn't a big difference really, though lying is stupid.

That said, stalking your date past some basic making sure he's real, is extremely creepy. And yes, it's not just your mentality - others are also extremely creepy :p
 
What you've done is not stalking. It's being smart. Use the resources available to stay safe. If something seems amiss, don't go through with a private date.
 
Seasoned said:
What you've done is not stalking. It's being smart. Use the resources available to stay safe. If something seems amiss, don't go through with a private date.
Click to expand...

^^this. my use of stalk was facetious. for me "making sure he's real" included making sure he was the person he presented himself as.
 
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