Oh My Fucking God.
I don't use that phrase often... although I'm not religious I do think using 'God' in that context is disrespectful (to many people I consider friends). And swearing is usually unnecessary, and brings the tone down an awful lot.
But this is what I find myself thinking to myself over and over again, and occasionally saying out loud as well.
Thank you Facebook, for helping me come out of the closet to a whole new group of people. The first time was my uni friends, when I was pissed off with my ex-girlfriend of two weeks for embarking on a new (and so far still going) relationship with my housemate - I did the whole 'seeking men and women' thing. Which provoked much more discussion among my friends than I anticipated... my best friend told me that they were talking about this and that it was fine with him blah blah blah (he also fancied my ex-girlfriend. But he's a fantastic friend - unlike the tosser that took my place - there are separate issues here, I know it just sounds like I'm unreasonably bitter!).
And now, because I joined the 'for posterity's sake' JUB Facebook group (currently standing at 3 members lol) which is buried in the middle of my groups and which I didn't think would attract any attention (the group description itself doesn't give anything away and I thought I was the only person who creepily stalked their friends) I am now out to probably the entire department!!! It's bloody funny when you think about it. The industrial trainees are the only people in my department who I am Facebook friends with, and one of them - lovely girl - must have seen the group, done a Google search for the name 'Just Us Boys' (the group description doesn't even give a link!) and come up with 'the world's largest gay porn portal'... and well she must have disclosed this to the rest of the department.
I only found this out tonight, when I went out with my colleagues... at the last pub, when I was talking more or less alone with one guy (not that we were alone but it was really noisy and hard to carry on conversations unless you were shouting in somebody else's ear) he kept saying, "I'm really proud of you."
Now I was like, "what for?" and he was like, you know, "for you know, I kinda suspected, but I hope you don't mind [I.T.'s name] said to me, that you were gay, and that's great" etc.
Or maybe it was something like, "Have you joined any of the company networks?"
Now I am not a woman, I am not Muslim, I am not continuing my further education, so basically he was referring to the Rainbow Alliance...
And he continued onwards, mentioning that his brother-in-law had just come out and having "a whale of a time", talked about Westbar, Studio 41, Bar 11 (gay-friendly places in Canterbury), said that our department was the best for a gay person (?!?! don't have any idea what he meant by that), that I didn't seem that confident etc.
So, I'm apparently out to the whole department without my knowledge. Which is fine... but I'm not 100% gay which, I get the feeling, everybody thinks I am. So what happens if I meet a fantastic girl that I want to go out with, and my coworkers are like, whoa, he's still in denial, he's messing her about etc.
He was a bit trashed so he might not even remember this in the morning. (I was sobering up after learning that I'm having a booze-up in front of the X-Factor final tomorrow night.)
And I'm feeling like, whoa, what's just happened? As far as I know I'm not even out to my friends in Canterbury yet! I was so paralysed with shock that I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I like girls as well, and it might have seemed a bit 'the lady doth protest too much' anyway...
I'm not worried really, nor upset, and I am really pleased in a way, but I can't help thinking I'm in a bit of an odd situation - out in my department (but not entirely accurately) but still in the closet regarding my closer friends. (BTW I only know people in the company I work in! A bit sad really!)
Going to just let it pan out... it won't affect anything really, well maybe just for a while. I'm always trying to double-guess what people think of me, so I might become a little bit more aware of what signals I'm giving out, but work-wise I will still have the same core incompetencies and inability to do streams of work in parallel, so no change there.
But, still, shit... don't know if I'll be able to get to sleep tonight, full bladder notwithstanding. I've got to be at peak condition tomorrow to finish off the Christmas shopping!
I don't use that phrase often... although I'm not religious I do think using 'God' in that context is disrespectful (to many people I consider friends). And swearing is usually unnecessary, and brings the tone down an awful lot.
But this is what I find myself thinking to myself over and over again, and occasionally saying out loud as well.
Thank you Facebook, for helping me come out of the closet to a whole new group of people. The first time was my uni friends, when I was pissed off with my ex-girlfriend of two weeks for embarking on a new (and so far still going) relationship with my housemate - I did the whole 'seeking men and women' thing. Which provoked much more discussion among my friends than I anticipated... my best friend told me that they were talking about this and that it was fine with him blah blah blah (he also fancied my ex-girlfriend. But he's a fantastic friend - unlike the tosser that took my place - there are separate issues here, I know it just sounds like I'm unreasonably bitter!).
And now, because I joined the 'for posterity's sake' JUB Facebook group (currently standing at 3 members lol) which is buried in the middle of my groups and which I didn't think would attract any attention (the group description itself doesn't give anything away and I thought I was the only person who creepily stalked their friends) I am now out to probably the entire department!!! It's bloody funny when you think about it. The industrial trainees are the only people in my department who I am Facebook friends with, and one of them - lovely girl - must have seen the group, done a Google search for the name 'Just Us Boys' (the group description doesn't even give a link!) and come up with 'the world's largest gay porn portal'... and well she must have disclosed this to the rest of the department.
I only found this out tonight, when I went out with my colleagues... at the last pub, when I was talking more or less alone with one guy (not that we were alone but it was really noisy and hard to carry on conversations unless you were shouting in somebody else's ear) he kept saying, "I'm really proud of you."
Now I was like, "what for?" and he was like, you know, "for you know, I kinda suspected, but I hope you don't mind [I.T.'s name] said to me, that you were gay, and that's great" etc.
Or maybe it was something like, "Have you joined any of the company networks?"
Now I am not a woman, I am not Muslim, I am not continuing my further education, so basically he was referring to the Rainbow Alliance...
And he continued onwards, mentioning that his brother-in-law had just come out and having "a whale of a time", talked about Westbar, Studio 41, Bar 11 (gay-friendly places in Canterbury), said that our department was the best for a gay person (?!?! don't have any idea what he meant by that), that I didn't seem that confident etc.
So, I'm apparently out to the whole department without my knowledge. Which is fine... but I'm not 100% gay which, I get the feeling, everybody thinks I am. So what happens if I meet a fantastic girl that I want to go out with, and my coworkers are like, whoa, he's still in denial, he's messing her about etc.
He was a bit trashed so he might not even remember this in the morning. (I was sobering up after learning that I'm having a booze-up in front of the X-Factor final tomorrow night.)
And I'm feeling like, whoa, what's just happened? As far as I know I'm not even out to my friends in Canterbury yet! I was so paralysed with shock that I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I like girls as well, and it might have seemed a bit 'the lady doth protest too much' anyway...
I'm not worried really, nor upset, and I am really pleased in a way, but I can't help thinking I'm in a bit of an odd situation - out in my department (but not entirely accurately) but still in the closet regarding my closer friends. (BTW I only know people in the company I work in! A bit sad really!)
Going to just let it pan out... it won't affect anything really, well maybe just for a while. I'm always trying to double-guess what people think of me, so I might become a little bit more aware of what signals I'm giving out, but work-wise I will still have the same core incompetencies and inability to do streams of work in parallel, so no change there.
But, still, shit... don't know if I'll be able to get to sleep tonight, full bladder notwithstanding. I've got to be at peak condition tomorrow to finish off the Christmas shopping!