One night stand... awful...

[dcmorgan]

Quote Slobone: "I'm not saying that most gay guys are naturally promiscuous -- I'm saying most guys are naturally promiscuous. The only reason straight men don't behave the same way is because women won't let them".

I think this is probably true. A straight man will look at a woman and think "I'd do her". A gay man will think "I'd do him" and actually do it. It's almost like gay men are just an extension of straight men. Cause, to be fair, two guys wanting the same is potentially a lot less complicated than a man and a woman wanting the same - then and there. To most men, sex can just be sex. To a lot of women, sex is the beginning of something else. Straight people frown upon gay men meeting in parks to fuck - but I'll tell you this; if word got out that dozens of women were hanging around local parks waiting to get fucked, it would soon be filled up with straight guys lining up to get some.

On a different note, I know a guy that knew he was gay nearly 30 years ago. He was ready to do the deed and jump out when he was in his teens, but his (straight) friends talked him out of it. He ended up doing the usual; having casual meetings with (usually married) guys in parks cause they were the ones that would never 'out' him, he became more and more supressed by his own - by then - guilt and weighed down by society's chains to come out. It was just around the time of the first AIDS scare. He didn't want to come out and worry his parents. He only bit the bullet a few years ago and jumped out. And to me it seems like all the years of hiding and feeling, I guess, ashamed and scared has turned him into this sex-starved animal that HAS to go out and shag anything with a pulse and balls, pretty much on a daily basis. To "make up for lost time". Deep down, I think, what he really wants is someone to see him for what he really is - and give him what he really wants. Cause I really don't think that behaving like a sex-starved teenager is what a guy in his mid 40s really wants.

Anyway. lol.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

A good debate here.

I have no doubt that if a word spread that there were women in a park waiting to be fucked, they'd have to build a highway exit there for all the str8 guys, who'd love to take the advantage of the situation.

Slobone and I must have shared a similar experience. A few years ago, men were not really dating other men. Men had sex. They sometimes fell in love, established a LTR, moved-in together but they did not really date and romance each other in the hetero sense of the word. This was simply uncalled for. Men just did not do that.

The times have certainly changed and the gay culture of the pre-AIDS - 80's is now largely nothing else but history. All the talk of the gay marriage, a much greater gay presence in public life and a very strong trend to mould the gay relationships to look very hetero-like are the mega trends of our times.

ONS simply do not fit into that hetero-like image and are getting a bad name and an awful reputation, when it comes to talk. Since women would not let them, and thus hetero guys can't really do it, it looks like that the gay dudes ought to comply and show their comformist attitude to the mainstream society by adopting similar attitudes.

Fortunately, the real world out there is somewhat very different. Lots of gay guys of virtually all age groups are out there cruising for a ONS. If you ask them about it, they'd most likely give you a speech about 'saving their virginty for the rite guy', 'not being into ONS and whoring around, etc., etc.'. The truth is however, that gay cruising is really going thru yet another boom despite all the rhetoric we hear.

I believe that the least we all owe to ourselves is basic honesty. Ask yourself a simple question: 'Do I want to have sex?' Most guys, certainly not all, will admit to themselves a loud and clear 'YES'. Sure, many would also like to have a meaningful sex with someone they are in love with but equally so, most would gladly agree to just have a good, hot sex with a hot dude, even if the love and emotions might not be really part of the deal.

My topline here: Be honest to yourself and think twice about what the society and media are telling you is right or wrong. This is your life and you decide.

SC

 

[Christopherb36]

I like having two night stands...that gives two people in the bed a bedside lamp...you also have room for your toys...you have a place for your glasses and your books...maybe a glass of wine.

 

[dcmorgan]

Personally I prefer lovers to one night stands. I've had a couple of semi-long fuck-buddies. At least you know what you're getting then instead of going to some random stranger.

 

[slobone]

^^^ (all). Very gratifying to see so many guys responding to my mini-rant in a thoughtful way. All made very good points.

I guess I should clarify that yes, I do think things have changed to some extent from the old days. You can see that on JUB every day. There are more lifestyle options for gay men now. I hope that trend will continue, and we'll get marriage, joint income tax returns, divorce, shared custody, remarriage, and all the other joys of heterosexual life.

Also, thinking about it, maybe some of those gay guys who were promiscuous 20-30 years ago didn't really want to be, but didn't have an alternative model to follow.

Clearly casual sex isn't going away anytime soon, and I don't think that's necessarily good or bad. It ain't easy finding Mr. Right, and you might as well have some fun with a few Mr. Wrongs while you're looking for him.

And some men aren't even looking to settle down. Gore Vidal, about as famous a gay man as there is, says he's never had an LTR with a man, and he's been active for 60 years or more. That's a lot of one night stands (or afternoons, or evenings...).

Footnote: I was talking to a straight friend of mine who's been married to the same woman for 30 years. They have one of the happiest marriages I know. I asked him how he met his wife, which we'd never discussed before. Turns out that they met at a singles bar, had sex the first night, and after a brief period of confusion, have been together ever since. So it just goes to show... something.