Online Dating.

[FunFunk]

For those who have looked online in hopes of starting some serious, long-term relationships, how successful have you been? I tend not to have much luck with such sites as Match.com and even the more exclusively GL sites. It seems that most people are looking mainly quick hookups and nothing more. Profiles that express an interest in more meaningful relationships receive few if any responses. (Well, most profiles don't receive much in the way of responses.)

And to subscribe to these sites to do basic things like communicate with those I'm interested in is quite expensive and time consuming, considering how rarely I actually meet anyone I express an interest in (and I do so fairly frequently). It's rather irritating.

Just wanted to know if these sites are really worth the bother, the time and the money and what the experiences of others have been with such datesites.

 

[FunFunk]

Ugh, tell me about it. I don't know if they're just stuck up or looking for quick hook-ups or what, but it amazes me how many guys on these sites claim to be looking for someone and won't respond if you contact them.

No wonder they're single if they're that picky/rude.

Nice to know it's not just me. These sites are great for getting one's hopes up high... then totally dashing them, never mind their claims of the thousands of members who've visited the sites "recently" (if you consider "over a month ago" recent). And never mind the premium price you paid just for the privilege of communicating with others on the site (or even seeing their complete profile and photos).

I don't know which are worse: datesites or job-search sites. They're similar in so many ways.

 

[chobbs]

The internet is awesome yet sucks at the same time.

 

[FunFunk]

The internet is awesome yet sucks at the same time.

Nice way to put it. And accurate.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

You can date in 3D/Real Life, just use online sites to find people. You are right that many people have an initial response to profiles and pictures. But it's a NUMBERS game. Many people want to post a profile and sit in the catbirds seat and wait for people to contact them. People also want Mr. Right to fall into their lap - ain't gonna happen. YOU have to get out there, initiate a lot of correspondence and GO on dates. I highly recommend coffee shops or other SHORT time venue's. DO NOT go to dinner or other places where you are stuck with someone for a long time and can't get away.

If you decide you like someone, you can always get back together, but if you are at dinner and they are obnoxious or you can't stand them, it's VERY hard and rude to get up and leave and dreadful to have to sit there and endure.

Just like a job search - most jobs don't fall in your lap - you have to APPLY. Same with online dating. These sites are meant to help you find the people - the purpose of a job site is to get you an INTERVIEW, not a job. Same with dating sites, get you an INTERVIEW, not a husband!

You can tell the hook up people from the relationship people within 1 or 2 messages.

Finally, don't rule out any method of meeting people. Use all of them, just understand the limitations of all of them. Bars have issues too.

Be the person you want to be with!

Good Luck!

 

[BlueDevil]

Finally, don't rule out any method of meeting people. Use all of them, just understand the limitations of all of them. Bars have issues too.

Well put. I just had this conversation with a friend a few weeks ago. He is looking for a long term relationship but didn't know where to turn. He mentioned that he'd ruled out dating sites and bars because he said it would be too shallow. Yup, it can just like other methods, but you just have to be conscious of the limitations.

 

[Tizinsane]

I put quite a bit of time effort into those sites from September 08-May 09. I was left very frustrated, pissed, lost and depressed.

It works for some, but personally I wouldn't reccommend online dating.

 

[FunFunk]

You can date in 3D/Real Life, just use online sites to find people. You are right that many people have an initial response to profiles and pictures. But it's a NUMBERS game. Many people want to post a profile and sit in the catbirds seat and wait for people to contact them. People also want Mr. Right to fall into their lap - ain't gonna happen. YOU have to get out there, initiate a lot of correspondence and GO on dates. I highly recommend coffee shops or other SHORT time venue's. DO NOT go to dinner or other places where you are stuck with someone for a long time and can't get away.

If you decide you like someone, you can always get back together, but if you are at dinner and they are obnoxious or you can't stand them, it's VERY hard and rude to get up and leave and dreadful to have to sit there and endure.

Just like a job search - most jobs don't fall in your lap - you have to APPLY. Same with online dating. These sites are meant to help you find the people - the purpose of a job site is to get you an INTERVIEW, not a job. Same with dating sites, get you an INTERVIEW, not a husband!

You can tell the hook up people from the relationship people within 1 or 2 messages.

Finally, don't rule out any method of meeting people. Use all of them, just understand the limitations of all of them. Bars have issues too.

Be the person you want to be with!

Good Luck!

I like the suggestion about meeting dates at a cafe for a short period. It's almost like a "pre-date." That's a very good point.

My experience with online dating is I get very few responses despite my initiating communication (emailing or otherwise expressing interest) with many people. Most of the ones I've actually met online have turned out to be well-oiled liars or prime-certified nutcases. (Not that one has to go online to meet those sorts of people. They're everywhere.)

I suppose it's not so much a matter of ruling out methods of potentially meeting people. It's more about how much (or how little) I enjoy using those methods. Clubs tend to turn me off, with the loud music and the drinking (I'm not really into drinking for drinking sake, which seems to be the main objective, especially as the night wears on, and I don't like to have to shout to be heard; I just like having conversations in a normal tone of voice). Besides most people at clubs and bars are looking more for a one-night stand than any kind of lasting friendship or relationship.

 

[spencer]

we're all here online and we are all potentially good dates right?

 

[FunFunk]

we're all here online and we are all potentially good dates right?

Sure, potentially, for those in the same city/region (or those willing to travel, I suppose).

 

[GL]

You can date in 3D/Real Life, just use online sites to find people. You are right that many people have an initial response to profiles and pictures. But it's a NUMBERS game. Many people want to post a profile and sit in the catbirds seat and wait for people to contact them. People also want Mr. Right to fall into their lap - ain't gonna happen. YOU have to get out there, initiate a lot of correspondence and GO on dates. I highly recommend coffee shops or other SHORT time venue's. DO NOT go to dinner or other places where you are stuck with someone for a long time and can't get away.

If you decide you like someone, you can always get back together, but if you are at dinner and they are obnoxious or you can't stand them, it's VERY hard and rude to get up and leave and dreadful to have to sit there and endure.

Just like a job search - most jobs don't fall in your lap - you have to APPLY. Same with online dating. These sites are meant to help you find the people - the purpose of a job site is to get you an INTERVIEW, not a job. Same with dating sites, get you an INTERVIEW, not a husband!

You can tell the hook up people from the relationship people within 1 or 2 messages.

Finally, don't rule out any method of meeting people. Use all of them, just understand the limitations of all of them. Bars have issues too.

Be the person you want to be with!

Good Luck!

i can't add anything more outside of the great advice already given.

i will say this though about the online dating sites: you will only get what you put into it. in other words if all you do is put up a profile and wait for hits then you're going to do a whole lot of waiting. however if you see someone you like, shoot them a message and if you don't hear back from them in say 24 hours? move on. you may have to hit a number of profiles but eventually you'll get a response. there are no guarantees it will go further than making a new friend but if you should meet someone and make an honest connection? cool.