The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Open Relationships- how did that first conversation go with your boyfriend?

F

fallinlove

On the Prowl
Joined
Sep 30, 2011
Posts
133
Reaction score
1
Points
18
For those who are in open relationships, how did that first conversation go when you decided to do it? Was there any excitement or just total disarray and sadness between you both?

I just wonder how people's experiences are. It's something I'm considering and I don't really feel good about it, but there may be a chance that it might work. I kinda feel like a failure that i didnt find the perfect guy. But besides sex, he really is perfect. Because so many gays do it, it may seem like a viable option.
 
Dump him...he's not perfect...its going to getmessy ...if he loved you...you would be enough.
 
Hm, I wonder if it'd make sense to remake this topic in the Hot Topic subforum? This one can be on the slow side. (You may get a few jokey answers though...)

I'm definitely interested in hearing about this. I've always been curious how people approach this and the varieties of responses.
 
I wish I could help you one way or the other but I don't have the answer....

I know it works for some people...I also know it is a disaster for some people....

Good luck!
 
Let me tell you my story, and I hope I can keep from writing a novel ...

I was always intrigued by sex, period. I was expected to be hetero. I liked getting naked with my friends, that would agree to play along, whether girls or boys. The gender didn't matter. Getting naked did. HA!

My teens and twenties perfectly coincided with the 60s and 70s. "Free Love", "Flower Power", and all that Hippy stuff. I had more than my fair share of "luck" with the ladies, but there was always a guy, or two, on the "down low". I finally admitted I was actually gay when I hit 30.

Two years later I met "My" Kev. He was a popular bar tender in the gay community. I was fascinated with him, and amazed by his obvious successes. He had the rep of a "power stud". I was surprised he'd even talk to me.

Thing was, he did talk to me, and he was a totally nice guy. The rep was overblown, but he didn't do anything to down play it, given his job.

When we became an "item", it was not a planned thing. Surrounding circumstances tended to drive us together. It was unexpected for both of us. We became roommates due to immediate practicalities, and that room was one ... mine. I couldn't believe my luck!

I'm not sure when the fun turned into love. It was not right away, but it didn't take long.

And, now, here we are, 35yr. later.

We never felt as though we "Owned" each other. We never tried to change, or alter, each other. I knew that if I tried to "re-mold" him he wouldn't be the same guy that I cherished.

He also knew I was new to the game, and hadn't explored guys as much as he had. When I mentioned I might have an interest in getting to know someone else, he was not only supportive, but also gave me advice, and tips. He even pointed out, and introduced me, to some guys he thought I might find interesting. I didn't realize that he might be doing that to bring me up to his "speed".

Thing was, we were encouraging each other to be the most we both could be. We were open, and honest, with what we both were feeling, and, most importantly, supporting each other in realizing our lives potentials. We never held each other back, or imposed limits, as long as both of us knew what was going on.

I think it was that trust, and sharing, that allowed us to still be together after so long, and so many trials, tribulations, and adventures. There are so many stories that we have experienced together, and apart.

To some this might sound strange. But, to us, it's been sharing a long history, first, and foremost, being best friends, allowing each other to be ourselves.

I hope this is making sense ...
 
I met my baby when we were both 19. Since then we've gone through every permutation of relationship there is. We've been monogamous, not speaking, friends, watched each other date other people and everything else for 25 years. Until we finally ended up in the same place at the same time - he is truly the only guy that I've never been able to forget.

So when he got his current job - which was a huge promotion and huge raise - and required him to be gone half the year, we had a very casual conversation about this. See, I don't love him because I own his penis, frankly after all of our history he'a always come back so I have no insecurities about him at all, and I wouldn't want to be with him if he wanted to leave.

HOWEVER, most gay men get into open relationships because they think it will fix what's wrong in their monogamous ones, OR they want out and can't bring themselves to be the bad guy.

THAT is why so many open relationships fail. Opening up your relationship won't fix anything at all. Open relationships are harder, they require more trust, and thinking about your guy fucking someone else is a very different thing than knowing he's doing it - much less watching him go at it.

DO NOT bring this up until you know exactly why YOU are considering this, and if the answer is that you aren't happy in your current situation, this isn't going to make anything better.
 
TX-Beau, you're right on!

In our case, it was never a question of "opening" our relationship because it was never "closed" in the fist place. We accepted each other, without "qualifications" from the beginning.

Our relationship was only monogamous when we weren't playing with other guys. However, our CORE relationship was, and is, always Intact and Strong!

The difference is, while "My Guy" will be playing with others, and I might be, too, we're still, and will forever be, "Our Guys", "My Guy", "His Guy".

Recreational sex isn't the defining denominator.

Believe it or not, the Heart is the ultimate boss of the penis.
 
I know a few people in open relationships and they even have kids together. Heck I've had sex with people in an open relationship. With all the negativity that's thrown against the idea, I see that it does work out for many.

So I just wanted to know how those conversations go between a couple when they reach that stage...
 
I'm confused, are you asking how to start that conversation? In that case I suspect that will depend on the temperament of your partner. I know guys who would be fine discussing in and never, ever agree to do it. I also know some of the more sensitive type who would take any suggestion like that as proof they were inadequate in some way and have a snit.

I suppose, if I was unsure about my guy's reaction, I'd probably start by discussing the open relationships of someone we both knew, just to see what his opinions on that were before I ever made it personal.

If you are asking how did we discuss it - it went something like this:

Me: you're going to be gone a lot,
Him: I'll miss you too.
Me: You're taking the extra cash and buying me a Porsche.
Him: No I'm not, but you can fuck anyone you want while I'm gone.
Me: I'd rather have the car.

It was really that casual - but then we'd already done a bunch of experimenting, multiples, other boyfriends along the way, so really we'd never said anything at all making a big point of monogamy in the first place.
 
It came up pretty organically after we'd had a few three(or more)somes. We both realized that we were comfortable with each other playing with other people separately. We're open in theory, though it doesn't happen very often.
As I said, we were both comfortable with the idea. If you don't feel good about it, I don't recommend it.
 
My bf and I decided we could not have an open one, but we do play together. My last relationship wound up ending because my ex didn't understand the difference and had the need to play separately. He didn't discuss it with me, just slipped it into a conversation. He told me about his day and casually added in that sucked off this guy at the gym. I liked his honesty but was like WTF. Not the way to go. Communication is so important. He didn't understand how I got turned on having sex with him and another man, but turned off by him doing it solo. By the time we began discussions of doing this, it was probably too late. I tried to give it a go since that's what he wanted, but we weren't on the same page.
I think being in a play together relationship made me used to that turn on of being able to have sex together as well as being comfortable to have fun with others.
My bf didn't have a lot of sexual experience and I brought up that my ex and I had done some stuff to see his reaction. He was surprised and didn't seem interested. But the conversation began and I knew not to push it. If he didn't want to, that's fine. I left this up to him if he wanted to ask me questions. After a while, he did...
 
The conversation with my bf came about naturally I think we were both in the same place emotionally. I mentioned my desire to do things in the bedroom that he isn't into and it kind of went from there. You see there was no problem between us, I just wanted to try things that he didn't and we are both mature enough to understand that I don't own his cock and he doesn't own mine. We still have all of the same parts of our relationship just now some extra bits, extra knowledge and trust we didn't have before.

The way I look at is l, that I wouldn't stop him from going to the movies with someone other than me, especially if he wanted to see a film I really didn't. So why should sex be any different. I know though that I probably only speak for us in this sense, and that it's probably not a view shared by most of the general population.
 
Your great point is communicating and doing what you both want to do. Whatever works for a couple is best and shouldn't be judged by others.


TheWolf said:
The conversation with my bf came about naturally I think we were both in the same place emotionally. I mentioned my desire to do things in the bedroom that he isn't into and it kind of went from there. You see there was no problem between us, I just wanted to try things that he didn't and we are both mature enough to understand that I don't own his cock and he doesn't own mine. We still have all of the same parts of our relationship just now some extra bits, extra knowledge and trust we didn't have before.

The way I look at is l, that I wouldn't stop him from going to the movies with someone other than me, especially if he wanted to see a film I really didn't. So why should sex be any different. I know though that I probably only speak for us in this sense, and that it's probably not a view shared by most of the general population.
Click to expand...
 
Kyanimal, You and your guy have a fascinating life. Happy 35 years!!
If you ever write a book, I'd love to read it. 👍
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top