The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Opinions needed please!

It's always the feeling in the gut that corrects what the heart and brain think we are feeling. It appears that your heart found Mr Right and your guts tells you your boyfriend found Mr Right for now.

I think you ought to pay attention to this and if it's not possible to self-correct it it's probably better to move on. Overriding your gut will lead to a very troubled relationship. I know that from experience.
 
I'm not sure what the first two responses were trying to get at.

breakaway said:
However, we met on a dating site and although I've changed my profile so it states I'm in a relationship, and not looking for anything/anyone he still refuses to do so without giving any reason he simply does not want to, and has asked if I will allow him to continue visiting the site so he can blog and make new friends.
Click to expand...

I'm kind of surprised that you're both still active on the dating site that you've met on. If the relationship is going well, I really don't see a reason to be on those sites. I'd probably suggest both of you deactivating your profiles and see how your relationship starts to go- If he still wants to blog- Tell him that you'll help him setup and tumblr or blogspot. Hey, even if you want you can start a blog together.

breakaway said:
He refuses to change his facebook status to 'in a relationship' (having said this his reasons for doing so are valid i.e. working with homophobes who would undoubtedly fire him if they know of his sexual orientation).
Click to expand...
Logically it's unreasonable, and you know that as well, but he might not be comfortable with being out, or sharing his personal life with people.

breakaway said:
I also caught him lieing stating an old flame added him on facebook, then about 5 minutes later his phone ping'ed stating the ex has accepted my boyfriend's friend request, and since this he's added several other guys that he's had history with and states I'm being irrational if I want to know who his friends are.
Click to expand...
Seems like he know's he's in the wrong on this one. Maybe sit down and talk about it, I'd suggest both of you stepping away from the social networking sites. Tell him, how happy you are, but you don't want these things to create bigger issues. They have already started creating trust issues, and they need to be delt with.
 
Hmm, I am not going to say this is the case with your bf, but I am in a stage where I need to interact with as many people as possible, know as many guys as I can. I also have a bf, and he understands that that need is mostly platonic.

In the end, we're guys. We always want all the boys :p That isn't really important, what matters is whether we act on it. Think about that - maybe your bf is lying to you because you are being jealous and controlling. It is easy to mistake insecurity with gut feeling.

I am not saying that is the case. But it's an angle worth looking from.
 
At five months into a relationship, you shouldn't be a position where you have to "allow him to continue visiting the site". He's entitled to his own life, his own decisions and his own friends.

The issue here is trust. You don't trust him and quite frankly, he's not giving you reasons to trust him. He wants to have a relationship but appear as single to the outside world.

And your fear is the slippery slope- that if he "cheats" in the virtual world, it's just a step away from cheating in the real world.

And sometimes fears are there for a reason.
 
As far as Facebook is concerned, he can change his status to In A Relationship and not list a person on it (or in a relationship with you and just hide it from his friends and the public).

I would also have a problem with the dating site if I was in your situation. Why is he looking for other guys? He already has one.

Adding the ex on Facebook isn't a big deal. Now, lying about it? Big no-no. The second they start lying, there's something fishy going on. I know 5 months can seem like a long time and I'm sure you've invested a lot; talk to him, but if it doesn't seem like he's going to do anything about it, get out before your feelings get even stronger.
 
Hi Breakaway,

I have no idea where you are living (within the US?) and I also don't have a good idea about your age. Your profile indicates that you are out at home, but closeted at your work. You told us:
He refuses to change his facebook status to 'in a relationship' (having said this his reasons for doing so are valid i.e. working with homophobes who would undoubtedly fire him if they know of his sexual orientation).
Click to expand...


So I was wondering what kind of company will fire an employee who is gay. Is this still allowed in the US / in his company? What kind of homophobic ppl are working there? Are they reli-fundis?

And how do you see the future with him? Will both of you stay in the closet at work forever? So forever at work with a profile like 'single, not yet found a proper girl' (or something like that)? Are you 100% sure that you (and he) will always keep under the gay radar of any girl you (and he meet) at work? Are you the guy on the photo of your profile (excuse me if this is a dump question)?

And what will happen when a work-mate and/or a work aquaintance will bump on both of you (so you and the BF) at any moment, where-ever this will be. I mean, will you feel relaxed to be in any public area with your BF, be it shopping together, or drinking coffee together, or having dinner together, or going to the movie together, etc.

Well, just some ideas that popped up when I was thinking about your posting.

Feel free to ask for more details, and no need at all to provide more details about your (and his) background if you feel uncomfortable about doing this.

Best wishes.
 
MoltenRock III said:
So much online drama.

Question: has he ever gone on a date with anyone from his online world in 3D since you've officially been boyfriends?
Click to expand...

I agree, what did we ever stress about before Facebook? I don't remember. Who cares what his "relationship status" is on Facebook. Facebook is not your relationship.

I don't know why anyone would put their entire life on Facebook anyway - and FYI all you young'uns, the first thing my company does when hiring is look you up on Facebook - but that's neither here nor there.

You haven't been together for all that long in the first place. Does he KNOW he's your boyfriend, have you had that discussion? Or are you coasting on assumption?

Has he actually DONE anything beyond Facebook? Frankly if you're this early on and you're freaking about this - I'm going to play oracle, you're not going to make it. You're too mistrustful, and he's too callous about that.
 
Glad to hear we've been able to help you on the subject. Keep us posted on your relationship.
 
I also have to agree with people who say that you can't ignore your gut feeling. That gut is powerful and can sense things before we ourselves can really register what is happening.
So I think you should act on it all - by simply talking to him. Ask him very upfront what the deal is. Make sure that it is not to seem clingy and jealous but you have to know what - if any - is going on and why he feels the need to be on the dating site. A relationship's foundation is trust and honesty.

I don't see the Facebook thing as anything to fret upon. Facebook is just a website - whatever. And if the issue is him still being in the closet, then that is understandable as well. Things take time and coming out takes confidence and courage.

Please keep us updated - hope everything turns to your favor.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top