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outed myself while drunk

tommyj

tommyj

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I would let him bring it up...if he is cool with it he will let you know by not pushing you away.
 
Why apologize?

You said it. You meant it. Move on.
 
Unless you think that he thought that you were making a move on him, there's no reason to apologize for telling him you're gay.

However, if you felt like you were being obnoxious, you can apologize for drinking too much and your behavior while drunk. If he wants to discuss the revelation, he can then bring it up.

PS. Something to think about- the cat is out of the bag now and gossip being what it is... maybe it's time for you to come out to your friends? Wouldn't you rather have control over it than have it be gossip?
 
KaraBulut said:
Unless you think that he thought that you were making a move on him, there's no reason to apologize for telling him you're gay.

However, if you felt like you were being obnoxious, you can apologize for drinking too much and your behavior while drunk. If he wants to discuss the revelation, he can then bring it up.

PS. Something to think about- the cat is out of the bag now and gossip being what it is... maybe it's time for you to come out to your friends? Wouldn't you rather have control over it than have it be gossip?
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I agree. Don't apologize for being gay. But do apologize for being in the condition in which you were in; for saying something to him that may have been during an inappropriate time and that you are sorry if anything you said made him feel uncomfortable as that was not your intention.

Also, make sure you apologize face to face. I wouldn't invite him over specifically for that, just wait until you both happen to be at the same place at the same time, then ask him to step aside away from others who may be around and make it short and to the point.

With the apology said, you just put the ball in his court.

One of two things will happen next.

He will accept it, tell you not to worry about it and move on. Or he will want to discuss it further (maybe he's curious, no I don't mean maybe he'll want to give it a try, but just because he's straight doesn't mean he won't be curious about what it's like to be gay and what the sex feels like and how you find other guys to mess around with, etc). If he brings it up, has questions or maybe is curious then talk to him about it, but only if he brings it up, otherwise let it go.

If he does seem to be curious and wanting to ask questions then arrange to meet him somewhere else at a later time when mutual friends are not around to interrupt or over-hear the conversation.

This whole thing may bring the two of you to a whole new level. No, I'm not saying maybe you'll get in his bed or start dating or anything like that. But maybe now he will see you as someone he can go to when he's curious about something or feels he needs to talk to someone about things he wouldn't feel comfortable talking to someone else about. Maybe he's always wondered what a gay bar was like .. now he has you to go down there with him to satisfy his curiosity and still maintain some level of comfort, and he can feel whatever you two talk about is never going to get to anyone else.

Good luck and please post something to let us know how it all played out.
 
What Kara said, especially the PS.

The advice from others was good, too.
 
I'd say leave it as it is. This person you told probably knew you were drunk, and I'd only give the apology if he starts acting weird around you (to which, you can explain that you sprung it on him, and were not trying to flirt, etc). But really, you came out to him and that's what it is... don't sweat it unless you notice an undesirable reaction starting to happen.
 
IMO, it's probably one of the easier ways to come out. I know that sounds bad but usually when you're drunk, you let your inabitions get cast aside and just go with it. That's how I came out at least 4 of my friends.

Just remember, if they can't accept you for who you are, they don't deserve to be your friend.
 
justusbrent said:
Several people in the group know. It doesn't really bother me if anybody else finds out.

Generally, if someone expresses an interest in my personal/romantic life, then I'll tell them. Mostly though, conversations don't tend to go in that direction.
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So, pretty much the same as straight people.

Well... maybe except for the drunk episode. :)
 
I did it once because I thought someone else would out me and... you know what? I was ignored lol... I had to kinda say at some point I was very serious about it. They all said "get over yourself" and continued on as if nothing happened. If things haven't changed between you and those that know, everything seems alright. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you.
 
If it doesn't matter to you (or you think it doesn't matter to him), then don't worry about it. If it does matter, then send him a message clarifying that what you said when you were drunk was truthful, and you hope he doesn't think you being gay is a big deal because (I assume) you value his friendship.
 
I did it once because I thought someone else would out me and... you know what? I was ignored lol... I had to kinda say at some point I was very serious about it. They all said "get over yourself" and continued on as if nothing happened. If things haven't changed between you and those that know, everything seems alright. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you.
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I love your friends.
 
I'm sure if several people in the group know, that everyone in the group knows. Unless you specifically told them not to tell others, but it doesn't seem like you did.

What's the problem?
 
^ TELL them NOT to tell others?

Dude might as well buy airtime and just do a PSA or something....... (!) ....... :rotflmao:
 
I agree with the last several posts. Just tell them all and be done with it. You will probably feel a lot more liberated for doing so, no more having to be careful what you say to who.

And remember ... "Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter."
 
As far as acting like a fool while drunk, I'd give it a 3 on the 1-10 scale. We've all experienced the BAD drunk person and they've done way worse (like urinating in someone's bed thinking it was a toilet for example). Outing yourself, he should have been able to handle easily :)
 
It wasn't that bad. When you get a second with him just laugh it off and apologize for going about it in such a weird way but you're glad he knows now.
 
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