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paranoia

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xic55401

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are you guys or have you ever been paranoid about the idea of getting hiv?
sorry about the question, I don't want to offend anyone and my most sincere respects for the people who are living with hiv/aids.
I don't know if it is part of my 'coming out' process or what it is, that I am just soooo paranoid about getting the virus. I know there are condoms, etc. but in my mind is alway the idea of: what would happen if once I start having sex with guys the condom breaks? I know that trust and a steady relationship have a very important role, I know. But what about if I get it by just a bj? kissing a person? I know the chances of getting it by a bj or by kissing are very unlikely, but the idea is just in my mind.
Have you ever been through this? I would think that I will get over it over time.
I have been doing a lot of research about STD's and HIV so I know how to protect myself/others, etc. but the more I read, the more paranoid I am getting..... :confused:
 
Well, you do seem to be more freaked out about than most. Yes, better to be more careful than less, but there probably is a line somewhere.

Try to look at it in another way. Think of being a pedestrian in a busy city, for example. If you don't play by the "rules" - if you run across the street willy-nilly, against the red lights, in the middle of blocks - you run a high risk of getting hit by a car. If you DO play by the rules - you stay on the sidewalk, you cross at crosswalks when you have a "walk" signal - you have a MUCH lower chance of getting hit. Note that the risk isn't zero. A car could jump a curb and hit you, or could run a red light and hit you. Would this sort of information keep you from ever leaving the house, or ever being a pedestrian? It's what you might call an "acceptable risk" - the risk is so low compared to the advantages.

And this is all true of sex, as well. Not playing by the "rules" is dangerous. But if you play by the rules - stick with partners you've known for a while, use a condom and spermicidal lube for anal, skip oral until you both get tested - your risk plummets to almost zero. Again, not zero completely, but at that point, I'd say the risk is on the level of getting hit by a car that jumps the curb. :)

Lex
 
g-lex.... yeah, i guess u are right... i know, i know, it makes total sense, but still in my head i am so paranoid.
BTW, did you meant water based lube instead of spermicidal lube?
 
Actually Lex the spermicidal lubes are found to be more of a problem as most people will have a bit of a reaction to it, thus causing a bit of inflammation, thus a greater chance of contracting disease because the natural barrier is compromised. At least that is what the latest studies have shown, for gay males, using a spermicidal lube is not a good idea.
 
jayhew... we posted at the same time
That is what I thought, that smermicides give some people an allergic reaction and irritates the tissues.
 
Sorry - my bad. I've been partnered the last ten years, and as such, I've let my knowledge go out of date. Stick with the waterbased ones. :)

Lex
 
have you ever been in the position where someone you liked has confessed his hiv status and you get so scared that you want to be out off the relationship asap?
pretty mean, uh? that is how i feel at this point... i hope i change in the future.
 
I've never dated/slept with anyone with HIV, so that's something I can't really comment on. If I can try to put myself in that position, I'd first thank the person profusely for being honest. (How easy would it be to lie?) Then I'd tell him I have some issues with being sexually active with an HIV+ partner, and would want some time to decide if that's something I wanted to pursue.

I've known people who were HIV+ - not good friends, but casual ones. I never felt like ditching them, because I know I'm not going to catch it from them in casual contact.

Lex
 
Exactly... and i wouldn't like to be rejected if i was hiv+ either, but honestly, i have serious issues.
 
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