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Partly out. Yay

T

TNniceguy

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I finally came out to my mom. I'm 41 and had been hiding this secret for the largest majority of life. My mom said she still loved me unconditionally but she had no clue. She said she was proud of me and understood why I didn't want to say anything. I thought it best not to tell my dad yet. He isn't in the best of health and I thought it might upset him.

I am having mixed feelings. It is huge burden off my chest but yet I'm still anxious. I don't know why. Is that normal?

I told my mom that I was hurting inside that I couldn't develop relationships for fear of being outed. I wish to goodness that I had come out years ago. I live in such a small community in which I didn't know any other gay people. Further, I feared what others would think and do. Physically, I knew no one would try to harm me (for various reasons that I can't discuss here:D).

Sorry for the long post. I had to get my coming out off my chest. Now for the next stage of my life. :D
 
You're anxious because you've told 1 person and nothing bad happened. The feeling will go away when you tell more people and it becomes a non-issue.

Welcome to the wide and wonderful gay world (*8*).
 
Kudos TN!

It's never too late!

Take this at your pace... do keep moving forward with it though... don't let the anxiety hold you back.

Hoping the next stage is blissful for you!

Cheers,

Burke
 
Hi and well done.I was 41 when i first came out,i also wish i had done it earlier.At least by our age people dont think its a phase or have the stupid comments like "how do you know if you havnt been with a girl".

My advice would be to just tell people in a casual way without making a big thing of it,the more you tell the easier it gets and soon becomes a non issue with most people.

Good luck with this as you deserve to be yourself without fear of what others may think.
 
TNniceguy said:
I finally came out to my mom. I'm 41 and had been hiding this secret for the largest majority of life. My mom said she still loved me unconditionally but she had no clue.
Click to expand...

And they say mothers always know it. Mine also didn't have a clue.
I think the pressure in chest might be some looking back in sadness. Sort of "that's life, I haven't invented it" and now let's expect the best for you and those who love you. You'll see everything's gonna be ok.
 
Congratulations! Feels awesome to finally get it off your chest, right?

You'll see everything's gonna be ok.
Click to expand...
Agreed. It'll be alright.
 
Thanks guys! I really appreciate the encouragement and advice. I'm also glad that I'm not the only person to come out later in life. In a way, it is more difficult because of the years of secrecy but it is entirely right that older means more mature and confident in who you are.

The whole conversation is surreal to me in looking back though.

I have a great deal of comfort in thinking and knowing that everything will be alright. I don't have to hide any more or make excuses. I also don't have to worry about someone holding this secret over my head either.

Love you guys and thanks again!
 
I'm happy for you. Those of us who are or were afraid of coming out have what I consider to be an unfair burden. Like everything else in life, our unique characteristics and events mold and shape us and all of it is necessary to make us who we are.

You're anxious because you can't predict the future or others' reactions. It does get easier, especially once we realize that we have an equal place in our communities. Being scared of not being in control of one's own coming out (your old feelings of anxiety) is by far a greater fear than what you have now.

Your anxiety now is probably a question that your subconscious is asking. Now what?

Do not worry about not coming out earlier. We are all on our own path. I'm so glad you found the courage and I'm pissed at heterosexism for keeping some of us silent even to the grave.

You have a lot of life left. Enjoy the ride!
 
Thanks Soreknees. I do think my anxiety is wondering what is in store. One thing for sure is the future will not be near as hard as the past. My experience wasn't near as earth-shattering or dramatic as I had made it to be in my mind for all of these years.

Beyond the worry of coming out, I feared going to my grave living a lie and being miserable. It really is a shame that so many people look at their sexuality as something that is wrong. I've been there and I despised every moment of it.

I've been lurking here off and on for several years and just recently decided to start posting. Reading everyone's experiences here and also the stories of survival have encouraged me so much.

On a much lighter note, explaining gaydar to mom was pretty funny. To see the look on her face was priceless. As if all of what I just spilled out wasn't enough, telling her that my gaydar didn't work made us both chuckle.
 
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