Past the point of No Return?

[MrPerfectMan]

Ok, I live in a small (both population and mentality wise) conservative town. I've met plenty of guys in my adult life. I've found many of them attractive and had some hot sex. I've gone on dates and most of them have been ok but I've only dated 3-4 guys in the past 6 years, and they never went too far. They were mainly nice guys tho.

Then a few weeks ago I met a guy I had amazing chemistry with. I can't even begin to describe the things it made me feel. There was a mutual attraction and interest. We did kiss, but it was tender and loving as apposed to just lust. He wanted to wait to mess around and I was completely content to make out like that for months, that how amazing it was. He was very caring, and would even ask if he could put his hands on me. Who does that anymore?? He made me not care about trying to impress him. I've been going to the gym a lot lately, partially to help attract a possible partner; and while he didn't make me want to become a couch potato, he made me not care as much about trying to show off. I started having feelings quickly because of this amazingly sweet connection we had from the get go. I was looking forward to dating and loving him as best as I could. I felt whole when I thought about loving him, and I really was looking forward to loving him as much as I could.

I came on too strong tho to make a long story short, and now he's not responding to me. I didn't do anything bad, and I even wrote a love letter, which was very honest, and I would say, flattering. Coming from my standpoint, this is the first time this has happened to me in my adult life. I was actually in love, not lust or just going out with some random person. I kissed him because of who I was kissing, I wouldn't want to kiss any other random guy, no matter how cute they might be. I have never felt that way before, and I know he liked me too, he just wanted to let things flow naturally. I am kinda devastated since this is the first time I've ever felt this way, and now he's disappeared into thin air. I'll be 30 next year, and I REFUSE to wait another 10 years to find love. I know that's not something you can plan, but there are many couples madly in love much younger than I. I don't want to waste my years alone or just having casual sex. I am pretty devastated he didn't reflect my feelings. To be honest he deleted his dating app and I'm pretty sure he's been looking me up on Facebook, so I know he's struggling as well, somehow.

I love this man, we haven't even known each other a month, so I really should've played my cards closer to my chest, but I love him. Or at least I could if he would allow it. It was going to well at the beginning, in fact he wanted to hang out so much it almost seemed excessive at first. I know no one on here can do anything, and I'm just venting, but I want him back. I think he mistook my feelings for desperation, and I think things would be very different right now if I had only played it cool.

I can't go on other dates right now yet, because I'd rather be with him. But if I don't hear anything back soon I may think about moving. Sounds silly to move for love, but like I said, this is the first time I've truly started to love a guy. I am not waiting another 10 years in this place for that to maybe happen in this cess pool, again. :/

 

[Craiger]

What a bummer! Just go slow and wait it out a bit. If he is checking you on FB isn't there a way to check him? Were you in contact only though the dating app? I would hope after a month you would have his phone number and possible address. Give him some space and then text him a general greeting. He may just need some time to absorb the whole situation. Best of luck.

Craiger

 

[Seasoned]

There's more to this than he admitted to, in my opinion. If one action or inaction ends a potential relationship, that relationship was doomed. There's a reason he doesn't want or can't have a relationship and it's a shame he wasn't forthcoming. I'm sorry this didn't work out. The best relationships, no matter what stage they're in, are those which both people set the agenda and are able to bring up and discuss any and all issues. I'm happy that you walked back your statement that you were in love with him to the fact that you potentially could have fallen in love.

What kind of support are you getting from friends? How do they feel about the potential of you moving?

 

[badbug]

Red Flag City


I'll start off by saying, it doesn't really matter we are all going to die anyways. And in the case that science will save us, and we aren't all going to die, then it truly doesn't matter cause we've got lots of time to figure this stuff out. : )


That being said,

I would be alarmed at how much you seem to be viewing this person as your relationship saviour after only a little while. You mention many times you've never really had this or felt this and this person is so very special for bringing it out in you......all of that is wonderful but what happens when those feelings aren't new or fade?

Any sensible person would be worried, whether consciously or subconsciously. And you should be a bit worried too about just exactly what it is that you are valuing so highly about this person.

30 year olds writing and delivering love letters after a month, have issues. There is really no way around that at all.

But hey, Atleast you didn't cut off your ear and put it in a box. : )

 

[MrPerfectMan]

I do realize it was needy and I should've played it better, tho I don't think it's the end of the world either. I guess next time I'll just play my cards closer to my chest for a few months, while they're out fucking who knows who, until I finally declare my love. lol

 

[hotatlboi]

Well my experience is that if its real love that is compatible you will both know it right away or pretty soon. I'm 30 like you and never had any casual dates or hookups that lead to something more (even with repeat dates). I met my bf earlier this year and we've been together 8 months. He told me that he loved me within a week of us meeting and I said the same back to him. We've both said it countless times since. Like you it's really the first time in my life I've experienced this and it's the best thing ever. I'm lucky that my bf seems to feel the same as I do. I've had plenty of experiences before where one person (either I or them) felt love but it was not reciprocated. It sounds like this may have happened in your case.

There is the chance of coming on too strong, but on the flip side if you wait several months before making your feelings known there's the chance that you've already kind of defined your relationship in the other person's eyes as a casual fuck buddy type situation.

If it doesn't work out for you with this person, I would agree that moving is a good idea. I met my bf at a gay club which could only have realistically happened in a large city.

 

[eastofeden]

When I worked behind the bar in a gay club..I used to warn the younger and less experienced bartenders to avoid anyone who builds them a pedestal .....

The reason..NO ONE BELONGS ON A PEDESTAL! Statues belong on pedestals. I warned them that guys who idealize them will get mad when they can't stand on that pedestal and most likely blame them for not being the perfect man that they imagined...and not take any responsibility themselves for idealizing them....and they can get very scary....

I know from experience....

I think he did you a favor. The next time...practice loving someone's flaws instead....

 

[MrPerfectMan]

Well he has texted me randomly when he's horny, but so far hasn't taken the plunge. I think maybe if I can make that happen it could turn from a hookup into something good. maybe...