Penis insecurity is ruining my life

[crubbed]

So I have a below-the-average dick. Recently this has started to bother me to no end.

I hate looking at myself naked in the mirror. I hate seeing that everything has grown since I was 13, but definitely not my dick.

I can't shower in the gym because I feel embarressed. And I am jealous of all the guys. I'm jealous they have a decent cock. And I wonder why it couldn't be me.

I struggle to get an erection and most importantly to keep it up. Why? There are several reasons, but one in particular is that I don't like touching my cock 'cause I'm reminded how small it is compared to other guys'.

I'm dating a guy but I dread the moment we get intimate because A) my dick is too small B) I won't be able to keep it up because of stress. Plus, he's 5 younger than me but I'm sure he's more hung than I am and for some reason it bothers me. It makes me feel insecure.

People say that inches don't count, it's all about how you use it. Well, guess what, I am not able to use it properly either.

Whenever people start commenting on how hung guys are or are not, I get nervous. 'I slept with him and he was huge. I was very lucky'. 'How hung are you?'. Sentences like these offend me and they don't come from shallow people. They come from people I love. The point is that gay guys are cock-obsessed, and I don't blame them. I would be too if I could afford it. I just wish I could come out as a 'small guy', but it feels inappropriate to say.

I am 25 and I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm starting to think that my dick has something to do with it.

This is eating up my life, any advice on how to feel more comfortable with all of this? (provided I'll seek therapy in 2013) Thanks guys...

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Have you considered being a bottom?

 

[eastofeden]

Believe it or not...alot of guys with big cocks have similar insecurities...mostly worrying that they are going to hurt their partner or that they will turn their partner off.

Another thing...your brain is your biggest sex organ and is the great equalizer if you allow it to be. The problem is...your brain has become your enemy and you need to get outside yourself for a minute and put things in perspective. Instead of worrying about the size of your penis...spend that same time accepting yourself exactly as you are. You will have to kick your ass out of the self pity place because self pity is a destructive and all consuming force.

Maybe you aren't aware of it?...but many men PREFER smaller cocks.

 

[Georgiadude]

first you need to stop obsessing about the size of your dick. I know that's easier said then done. You didn't say how big you are but many guys think they're small when they are actually average or above. Your erection problems can be psychological but you should follow up with your dr to make sure there isn't a physical condition. Low testosterone levels are a possible cause. A simple blood test can be drawn and tested. If you're really worried about your bf's reaction talk to him before the big event. Im sure he will tell you that you're worrying about nothing and he doesn't really care. IF he says something or has a problem with it then he's not worth being your bf. There isn't much you can do about your size. You have what you have. None of those potions or pills really work. There is a surgery available but the results aren't very good and the complications aren't worth it.

As mentioned above bigger sizes have their drawbacks. I'm a little over 7 and quite thick. I've hurt guys while topping them. One guy actually started crying. I felt horrible. There's no way I can enjoy sex knowing I'm hurting someone. Stop worrying about your size and enjoy your relationship. In the grand scheme of life there are so many more important things then the size of your penis.

Steven.

 

[medic1]

Believe it or not...alot of guys with big cocks have similar insecurities...mostly worrying that they are going to hurt their partner or that they will turn their partner off.

Another thing...your brain is your biggest sex organ and is the great equalizer if you allow it to be. The problem is...your brain has become your enemy and you need to get outside yourself for a minute and put things in perspective. Instead of worrying about the size of your penis...spend that same time accepting yourself exactly as you are. You will have to kick your ass out of the self pity place because self pity is a destructive and all consuming force.

Maybe you aren't aware of it?...but many men PREFER smaller cocks.

Well said and so true , there are groups dedicated to guy`s with small cocks , and as Georgiadude has said you do not mention what
your actual size is ?.
Wishing you the best.........Adam .

 

[GamerBear]

I accepted the fact that my cock is not big enough there is another JUB member around here who has a long way to go to accept his insecurity on cock size even though his dick is 5 inches which I wouldn't call small at all.

Many people who tell you they prefer small sizes over large are most likely full of shit. The last person who told me that said small are nicer but he wouldn't suck anything below 4 inches and I've read a lot of people here on JUB who say the exact same thing. My hubby even wishes I was big, it took a while for me to accept my dick size but like everyone is posting exactly how big is your dick? Nobody ever really says the size just that its small.

 

[Seasoned]

Acceptance of things over which we have no control is a life-long, sometimes excruciating difficult task. Body image is one of the most difficult areas of acceptance usually because of comparisons to societal standards. We can let go of much of that once someone falls for us.

You are scared based, I assume, on porn standards and guys in the gym that hang soft and show off. If these guys are above average then the two remaining catagories are average and below average. Most people would be average or below.

Now, here's an exercise. While out and about notice couples. A huge percentage of people pair up and many are average looking or even unattractive. It's never about just one thing.

Even if your dick is small and no one here is convinced, there are plenty of people who wouldn't care.

You're entitled to sexual pleasure, which includes erections and ejaculations. Therapy is in order if you're not achieving them.

As your relationship progresses it's ok to talk about your insecurities.

Best wishes and good luck.

 

[Benvolio]

I suggest you try cialis, viagra,or levitra. They will enable you to get very hard notwithstanding your insecurities, and willl enable you to forget about your fears. Also, watch some Bel Ami porn films. Most of the guys have average or less dicks, but plenty of fun. They seem to have more fun than US porn, possibly because the smaller dicks are less uncomfortable for the bottom.

 

[medic1]

I suggest you try cialis, viagra,or levitra. They will enable you to get very hard notwithstanding your insecurities, and willl enable you to forget about your fears. Also, watch some Bel Ami porn films. Most of the guys have average or less dicks, but plenty of fun. They seem to have more fun than US porn, possibly because the smaller dicks are less uncomfortable for the bottom.

In one word "crap" don`t know which bel-Ami Vids you have watched ?
Because the ones that i have seen as in most Porn Movies the guy`s are more than the average of between 4-6 , 4 being the most
extreme of what is considered average .

As for suggesting Erectile-inducing medications for many of these to work you also have not only the physical but also the psychological to take into consideration .

So to suggest that Viagra ect are the magic key is misleading , yes they are very helpful , but not the be all and end all .

 

[Corny]

Bel Ami guys for sure don't have average dicks. Some of them, maybe, soft. But then they are growers.

Just for a reality check how big are you when you are hard? I am just asking, because many people over-dramatize the problem. As Gamerbear said, 5 inches for example are NOT small.

Maybe you want to have a look over to the amateur forum, while there are of course people with big dicks posting, there are also plenty of people with average and smaller dicks, getting enough attention, too

 

[AlmondMilk]

Well, I'm 4.5". It's not going to grow anymore, so might as well embrace it. At times I do wish it were longer by even half an inch, but can you do? There are also plenty of other guys with dicks like mine. As for the showering, I go in and go out. I think there are very few guys that really care about your dick when all they want is to shower. I'm not really sure if I can even add anything to let go of this anxiety. For me, if I'm horny, I'm hard. There are guys that have told me my dick was actually perfect for them to deep throat or to bottom with for the first time. If you meet with a guy who's disappointed with your size, he'll overlook it for your other traits... and if not, dump his ass. He's not worth it. Unfortunately, I believe insecurity issues can only be combated once that "lightbulb" turns on. I think that's when you'd be able to enjoy the sex, and not have the anxiety.

 

[Georgiadude]

I've been with guys that are bigger than I am but most of the guys I've been with have been smaller than mine. You know what? I had just as much fun with the smaller as I did with the bigger. I know some guys find that hard to believe but I don't really give a damn. It's the truth. I like dick. big ones and small ones. thick ones and thin ones. those that pre cum and those that dont. I've told guys to leave for several reasons but the size of their dick has never been one of them. The dick doesn't really matter to me. It's what it's attached to that does.

Steven.

 

[crubbed]

Thanks for your replies, guys.
I'm between 4 and 5 inches. I know that's not standard small. But my cock is quite thin, and when it's soft it's really really small like a thumb, so it looks to me like a non entithy. Plus, I never actually measured it because the thought of it makes me loose my hard-on. I wouldn't call my cock average. I've been with 20 guys, and only about 2 out of them had a cock similar to mine.

Have you considered being a bottom?

I know your hearth is in a good place, but this is the exact type of comment that offends me. Yeah, I should bottom because it's as if I don't have a dick. That's so hurtful to me. BTW I've been mostly bottom because of my psychological situation.

Stop worrying about your size and enjoy your relationship. In the grand scheme of life there are so many more important things then the size of your penis.

I do realize that there are people who are even less lucky than I am (like not being good-looking, having health issues etc), but you know how the human mind works. At times you just can't see past your problems.

My doctor prescribed me a blood test, but I have some serious needle-phobia, that's why I'm not doing it for the time being...
He also prescribed me Cialis, but boy is it costly in my area. Plus, it would only solve my problem temporarily.

I think it's all about the anxiety. When I'm 'in the moment' with the guy, and he's pulling down my underwear, anxiety kicks in, and I worry he'll be disappointed in what he sees. It's just that every freaking guy is better endowed than I am and I feel sorry for myself.

Not to mention the times people bring up the cock size topic. It really makes me feel uncomfortable, as if I had something to hide. Just like the times people talked about sex and I was still a virgin.
No one ever comes out to say "I love me some small cock!". So that's my response to people saying small cocks are liked. What do you suggest that I do when I find myself in those conversations?

 

[Seasoned]

I think you need to own your situation. It is bothersome to you for at least two reasons. You think it's inadequate, which embarrasses you, and you keep it a secret, which causes anxiety. If cock size is part of the conversation you could say something in a humorous way like, "hey, stop making a small guy feel self-conscious." And admit to it before a guy pulls down your pants. Having this as a secret is like being in the closet.

Not every guy likes his ass stretched to the point of pain and some are appreciative of just having their anus stimulated. The plus for you is that there might be someone who'd enjoy getting your cock and balls in their mouth and it would certainly be an advantage for you.

The main thing is that it works. I think the doctor was irresponsible in suggesting an ED medication as a first resort in someone your age. To be direct, I think you need to man up and get the blood test, which you need to be doing on a regular basis anyway, checking for STDs. If it were me, I wouldn't turn you down because of dick size; I'd walk away if I found out that a fear of needles kept you away from being tested. Hey, I just thought of something. Give your dick a nickname. That would be another way of taking control of the situation. And as far as being small while soft, be glad you're a grower. I can also think of role-play situations that would turn me on.

When you find a guy who's right for you a lot of the anxiety will leave because he'll stay despite what you consider an inadequacy.

Your goal ought to be to stop defining yourself by your dick size.

Again, I wish you the best.

 

[Georgiadude]

Im going to get on you a little bit but I mean it to be helpful.

You're kind of playing the poor me role and only seeing things in a negative way. Several people have given you good advice but you only see the downside. You said the Dr. ordered lab tests but your afraid of needles so you wont get the blood work done. He gave you Cialis but its expensive and only temporary. Nobody wants to be with a guy with a small dick when several guys have said it doesn't matter to them. Hell there's all kinds of blogs and forums dedicated to less than average sized penises. Your penis is 4-5 inches. That's on the low end of average dude. Your letting this obsession ruin your life. You admitted to being with 20 guys. Did any of them get dressed and leave because of your penis size or did they stay and have fun? Your so focused on this that your not allowing yourself to enjoy sex or even life in general. The issue isn't your penis. It's your mindset. Once you are able to accept yourself the rest will fall in order. I strongly suggest you see a therapist and work on your self esteem.

Again. I'm not trying to be mean or flame you. You're just not seeing that you're making this worse than it really is.

Steven.

 

[Ganoderma]

I'm dating a guy. (...).

People say that inches don't count, (..).

Whenever people start commenting on how hung guys are or are not, I get nervous. 'I slept with him and he was huge. I was very lucky'. 'How hung are you?'. Sentences like these offend me and they don't come from shallow people. They come from people I love.

The point is that gay guys are cock-obsessed, and I don't blame them.

hi Crubbed,

So you are a guy of 25 and you are dating another guy. I was wondering how you have met each other, what kind of things you are doing when you have a date with him, and his experiences with other guys (no need to tell when you feel uncomfortable with dealing us with this kind of information).

Other people already have given you alot of good advice. Definately, try to defeat your fear for needles, so a proper blood test can be carried out.

I disagree with the last sentence in your quote. Moreover, this sentence disagrees with your saying that 'people say that inches don't count'. So what do you try to tell us? Both quotes cannot be true at the same moment.

And how about those 'people I love'? Excuse me very much, but I fail to understand why you have such kind of friends / people you love who have such shallow opinions. Once again, both quotes cannot be true at the same moment. Would you mind to tell us abit more about your background / those friends (no need to do when you feel uncomfortable to do that).

Finally, Corny gave an excellent advise (Maybe you want to have a look over to the amateur forum, while there are of course people with big dicks posting, there are also plenty of people with average and smaller dicks, getting enough attention, too).

Good luck, and when will be your next date?

Take care and feel free to react / ask for additional information.

 

[makeurowndstny]

So I have a below-the-average dick. Recently this has started to bother me to no end.

I hate looking at myself naked in the mirror. I hate seeing that everything has grown since I was 13, but definitely not my dick.

I can't shower in the gym because I feel embarressed. And I am jealous of all the guys. I'm jealous they have a decent cock. And I wonder why it couldn't be me.

I struggle to get an erection and most importantly to keep it up. Why? There are several reasons, but one in particular is that I don't like touching my cock 'cause I'm reminded how small it is compared to other guys'.

I'm dating a guy but I dread the moment we get intimate because A) my dick is too small B) I won't be able to keep it up because of stress. Plus, he's 5 younger than me but I'm sure he's more hung than I am and for some reason it bothers me. It makes me feel insecure.

People say that inches don't count, it's all about how you use it. Well, guess what, I am not able to use it properly either.

Whenever people start commenting on how hung guys are or are not, I get nervous. 'I slept with him and he was huge. I was very lucky'. 'How hung are you?'. Sentences like these offend me and they don't come from shallow people. They come from people I love. The point is that gay guys are cock-obsessed, and I don't blame them. I would be too if I could afford it. I just wish I could come out as a 'small guy', but it feels inappropriate to say.

I am 25 and I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm starting to think that my dick has something to do with it.

This is eating up my life, any advice on how to feel more comfortable with all of this? (provided I'll seek therapy in 2013) Thanks guys...

I personally prefer smaller dicks, easier to have sex with and they feel a lot better. You don't have to be big to hit all the right spots. My current boyfriend is thick and it hurt like hell the first time we had sex. I even started to tear up and made him feel bad unintentionally.

Has anyone ever seen you naked and hard? Because I'm sure if you posted your dick you will see that your dick is just fine

 

[crubbed]

Thanks for your replies, guys. I appreciate it so much.

If cock size is part of the conversation you could say something in a humorous way like, "hey, stop making a small guy feel self-conscious." And admit to it before a guy pulls down your pants. Having this as a secret is like being in the closet.

Yes. Definitely. But I'm not sure about the humour. i.e. Whenever a fat person acknowledges their being overweight while speaking to me, I'm always uncomfortable like 'Should I say something?'. I don't want to put others in that position.

To be direct, I think you need to man up and get the blood test, which you need to be doing on a regular basis anyway, checking for STDs. If it were me, I wouldn't turn you down because of dick size; I'd walk away if I found out that a fear of needles kept you away from being tested

Yes, that's on my to do list for early 2013. My best friend is coming back to town and I'll have him come with me. Because, you know, chances are I'll pass out.

When you find a guy who's right for you a lot of the anxiety will leave because he'll stay despite what you consider an inadequacy.
Your goal ought to be to stop defining yourself by your dick size.

It's just that not only am I not endowed... I can't even use what I have. Sex is 90% of a relationship. And I fail at that. I don't see why any guy would be with me.

Again, I wish you the best.

Thanks, Seasoned. I love your posts.

Im going to get on you a little bit but I mean it to be helpful.

You're kind of playing the poor me role and only seeing things in a negative way. Several people have given you good advice but you only see the downside. You said the Dr. ordered lab tests but your afraid of needles so you wont get the blood work done. He gave you Cialis but its expensive and only temporary. Nobody wants to be with a guy with a small dick when several guys have said it doesn't matter to them. Hell there's all kinds of blogs and forums dedicated to less than average sized penises. Your penis is 4-5 inches. That's on the low end of average dude. Your letting this obsession ruin your life. You admitted to being with 20 guys. Did any of them get dressed and leave because of your penis size or did they stay and have fun? Your so focused on this that your not allowing yourself to enjoy sex or even life in general. The issue isn't your penis. It's your mindset. Once you are able to accept yourself the rest will fall in order. I strongly suggest you see a therapist and work on your self esteem.

Again. I'm not trying to be mean or flame you. You're just not seeing that you're making this worse than it really is.

Steven.

Thanks Steven. I totally see the point you're trying to make. I appreciate it. You're right, I tend to obsess over things and play the victim. I'll see what I can do...

hi Crubbed,

So you are a guy of 25 and you are dating another guy. I was wondering how you have met each other, what kind of things you are doing when you have a date with him, and his experiences with other guys (no need to tell when you feel uncomfortable with dealing us with this kind of information).

Hey there This 'thing' with this guy (Richie) is quite 'unusual'. We've met on Facebook. Been chatting ever since. We live in 2 different cities. We met a couple of times and we made out. I thought we were just "affectionate friends". But things have been heating up recently. And I think we'll meet again in Christmas. We've been sexting, and things are leading up to sex. Which is making me super-anxious.

I'm having dreams of him dumping me. Because that's what sex has been like for me. Never had a long-term relationship. Just the sex and then sayonara. My fears are getting the best of me, and that's not healthy for him either. He's 19, I'm 25. He deserves to have fun but I come with a lot of baggage. That's why I think I'll 'break up with him'. I'm not in a place in my life where I can give him what he wants.

I disagree with the last sentence in your quote. Moreover, this sentence disagrees with your saying that 'people say that inches don't count'. So what do you try to tell us? Both quotes cannot be true at the same moment.

What I meant is that guys really are size queens, but when they need to comfort you they're like 'don't worry, sizes don't matter'.

And how about those 'people I love'? Excuse me very much, but I fail to understand why you have such kind of friends / people you love who have such shallow opinions.

I don't think they're shallow, they're just looking for more. They are well-endowed, and they're curious as to what more is on the market. But I don't think that's a deal breaker per se in a relationship.

Good luck, and when will be your next date?

Over Christmas. I think we'll kiss again. But I hope he doesn't touch me down-there, because I know I'll be so stressed out that I'll have no hard-on.

It's not just a matter of my cock being small. It's also a matter of me seeing myself as someone who's not worth of being made love to repeatedly. But now I'm back at playing poor me, so I'll stop here.

Take care and feel free to react / ask for additional information.

You were so kind. Thank you so much Ganoderma.

Has anyone ever seen you naked and hard? Because I'm sure if you posted your dick you will see that your dick is just fine

I've had sex with guys, yes. I haven't posted pics of me here, maybe some day

 

[Seasoned]

It was very thoughtful of you to reply in depth. You can see there are a lot of us on your side. With support a person can get though, accept and move beyond most things in life. I think once you are more accepting of your body it will function better. At least, that's my hope for you.

As far as sex being 90% of a relationship, I can tell you that I'd be rubbed into a nub if that were true of my almost 30 year relationship. In actuality 90% of a relationship is facing up to each other's issues, both good and bad. Sex is individual to every relationship. I'd agree it played a large role early on. I'd agree that it's still important, but not more important than all the things that couples experience together.

Keep working at this and take good care of yourself. I'm glad you have a friend to take with you for your blood test.

 

[curiousguyUNT]

I'm in a similar situation, I'm also around 4.5-5in. I also have some of the same thoughts and doubts as you, however, I realize that that is all they are, thoughts and doubts, not reality. Yes there are assholes who will make fun of you for being "smaller", but they are really just sad people with problems of their own who make fun of you to make themselves feel better. When I'm with a guy and the "what if" fear starts, I lose myself in the moment. I stop thinking and just focus on feelings and sensations. Like how hot he looks, how good he smells, making out, how good he tastes, the way his body feels to my hands, lips, and tongue, the way I feel when he touches and explores my body, and the sounds we are making. By the time any of the negative poisonous bullshits tries to sneak back in, I've already proven it wrong. And don't be discouraged if you don't get to sex, some of the hottest times I've had involved what I described above with out either of us fucking the other one. Get comfortable with your body and the rest will work itself out.