Penis Says No :(

[jstusbys]

Ok so im hoping ive placed this in the right place.
Ive recently met a guy, he is amazing and i like him heaps and him does me too. Id be very surprised if we dont soon enter into a relationship. Everything is great, we get along well and dont argue or fight about things, there is just one smallish problem when it comes to sex. It too is great, we have alot of fun and both enjoy ourselves except in the whole time ive been with him i haven't cum, i can't, i seem to be lacking sensitivity throughout my body yet him on the other hand can pretty much cum from me lightly touching his nipples. I dont really feel anything when he is giving me a BJ but i sorta have to put it on and act like it feels amazing. i can get hard but sometimes it just won't go up... we tried anal the other night but i couldn't keep it up to do him. In regards to not being able to cum, at one point i was soo close, and felt like i was about to but i couldn't get over that edge and eventually i had to stop because my arm was warn out. that seems to be the same most times, i get to the edge but can't get there!
So i dont know what the fuck is going on, i stress ALOT and worry about things, theres always tonnes on my mind. I know it doesn't have anything to do with comfortability because im fine being naked around him etc etc, also im extremely attracted to him so its no prob there either.

WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!

 

[Aymotin]

No need to worry or stress, there a a lot of things that can cause problems like that and most of them can be sorted.

Perhaps some more info:

How old are you?
Is this your first time with a man?
Is this problem new or since when did you notice it?
Can you cum by masturbation?

To be sure that there is no physical reason, you will have to see the Doc. and get checked.
If you are in a lot of stress at work or something like that, it can also cause problems as you describe them.
Also masturbation-habits can "program" your body to get off in the used method, making it harder to find satisfaction in other ways .

 

[nfgrls]

I was like that to when I was a lil younger from the very first time I was with a man. I would get so nervous about things that it would mess with me and I could get close but never over that edge. Usually after 2-3 times with the same person I would be fine though. The worst thing you can do is start thinking about it during sex and if you will get off or not bec I never would .. just have to learn to relax more and if you dont let him know its just your nerves and that you still had a great time

 

[lonnie1]

You just need to talk to him about what is happening with you and get him to understand that you need to relax in order to enjoy sex. If he puts no pressure on you, then you need to not put pressure on yourself. Then things will start working for you. This takes time---months. Stress and worry are bad for sex.

 

[palemale]

Stress is your #1 problem it sounds like. Performance anxiety, perhaps, or as others have suggested, you are not that experienced. Just relax, and you'll be fine. You may want to talk to your bf about it, too. If he's worth it, he'll understand and help you get over your anxiety. Good luck. And tell us about your first gusher with him.

 

[MoltenRock III]

What medications are you taking? Anything for pain, depression, ADHD?

 

[jstusbys]

More details. I'm 21. Deff not my first time so I am experienced enough. I'm on no medication. This is not a new problem and was cause of much grief with my non-understanding ex bf. I can get off easily on my own. And the amazing guy is mot putting any pressure on me whatsoever.
Will try next time I'm with him to just stay relaxed and see what happens.

 

[MascutarHero]

Are you circumcised? or j/o a lot for you to lose sensitivity?
best way to solve this is going to a doctor. Hope it goes well and your problem gets solved

 

[Kabluey]

So i dont know what the fuck is going on, i stress ALOT and worry about things, theres always tonnes on my mind.

Don't stress about it.
Relax, calm down and take it slower, stop worrying about what he thinks about you. Concentrate on what makes him sexy, what you want to feel and take him along for the ride.

 

[KaraBulut]

More details. I'm 21. Deff not my first time so I am experienced enough. I'm on no medication. This is not a new problem and was cause of much grief with my non-understanding ex bf. I can get off easily on my own. And the amazing guy is mot putting any pressure on me whatsoever.
Will try next time I'm with him to just stay relaxed and see what happens.

We get a lot of posts from guys on antidepressants who complain of feeling detached during sex and who have problems ejaculating, so it was the first thing that needed to be eliminated as a possible cause.

Since this has happened before, it's origin seems to be largely psychological.

If you haven't talked with your current boyfriend about your difficulty coming with another person, you should. It's the elephant in the room and it's better to say, "It's not you. I enjoy sex. But I just have trouble coming with another guy- it's happened before". Otherwise, your boyfriend may feel like he's failing in getting you off.

If he knows the situation, then that gives both of you the opportunity to try other things- like having you jack yourself off when you're ready to come while he puts his arms around you or he kisses you. The important thing is that he gets to be part of it while you get off, not that he's the one that gets you off.