Performance anxiety or just low sex drive?

[ncboy85]

I've read plenty of advice but still have problems... I am 26 and within the last couple years started trying to have sexual relationships (long story-religious upbringing, shyness, etc etc). So...in the past Ive had no problem jacking off to porn or getting horny by myself. When I finally mustered up the courage to actually meet some guys I have had problems functioning sexually with them. Not just one guy but every guy I've been with. I either start out hard and at some point go soft for good, or after seeing them a couple times I may not get hard at all.

At first I thought it was a connection problem (I want more than just sex- relationship or friendship at least)...so I found a guy that I really like and could see myself with, we do all kinds of things together, I think he's hot, and I really badly want to have sex with him and vice versa. I have gotten over any nerves or shyness toward him socially but I save it up all week for him and still can't get hard and I know it's all in my head...

At this point these issues have me so pissed off that even when I get home later and try to j/o I just dont feel any interest in doing so, not being able to do it with my man is starting to kill my libido...or is my sex drive just low right now to begin with?? Will any pills for sex drive help me? I've heard pills for anxiety can actually make my sex drive worse. Sorry for being long winded but any help is greatly appreciated.

 

[TX-Beau]

Get professional help. That's a bit beyond the scope of just advice I think.

 

[lonnie1]

I agree--seek professional help.

 

[rareboy]

Definitely seek psychological counselling to determine what is at the root....but only after you've had a complete physical to rule out other causes.

 

[maxpowr9]

If you're whacking it a lot, I doubt you have a low sex drive. Anxiety and depression are causes for a lower sex drive too but as others said, I would seek a professional, especially someone who specializes in sex-related problems.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, ED could have a physical component, which is what I was getting at, could be psychological as well.

You won't know until you get checked out.

 

[hotatlboi]

You could be screwed up from too much porn and masturbation. It happened to me and it is fairly common with younger guys if you do some research on it.

Basically if you have a long period where you only got off from porn and not actual sex with real people, your brain can get wired to think that you are only supposed to be aroused from porn, and it can cause performance problems with real people.

The solution for me was to cut out porn and most masturbation (like once a week max). After a long time of that and meeting real people when you get horny it can help to retrain your mind as to how things should work.

 

[ncboy85]

^I'm thinking this has a lot to do with it...only reason I mentioned low sex drive was because since I have been trying it with guys I've noticed even porn doesnt make me as crazy as it used to...since I've been with this last guy I've almost cut the masturbation out, it's hard to even get horny, probably just from the frustration of it all.

I appreciate all of you responding, I guess I will have to see a professional to make sure there isn't another problem. At this point in my life I can't wait any longer and screw up the chances guys are giving me.

 

[Seasoned]

Be honest with the guy you are interested in. And then see if he's willing to rule out full blown sex for a long massage/make out session. You probably would begin to relax if you weren't focused on getting a hardon.

 

[Georgiadude]

if you are on medications for anxiety or antidepressants they can most definitely lower or kill your sex drive or make performance an issue. Same for blood pressure medications and some others. you could also have a low testosterone level or other issues. you need to talk with your doctor about the problems and see if they can help sort it out. I had similar issues and it was from some medications I was taking. If you are on some medications dont just stop taking them. thats dangerous. Follow up with your doctor.

Steven.

 

[KaraBulut]

Start with a physical. There are conditions like low testosterone or thyroid problems that can account for the symptoms you've described.

Once you have eliminated the physical, then that points to a more psychological issue. Work on your social anxiety with a therapist.

 

[ncboy85]

Sorry to bump from so long ago but wanted to update while I'm thinking about it. I saw a doctor for a physical over a month ago and everything is healthy, he did give me a list of (gay friendly) therapists.

In the meantime I've still been seeing the same guy and finally a couple weeks ago I was able to make it all the way with him...have not had a problem since and we are happily friends with benefits. So it was pretty much all psychological...I just got lucky to break out of it before I ended up seeing anyone to deal with it. I did cut down a lot on the porn/masturbation and that may have helped.

Still may seek professional help as I could see this problem happening again with the next guy I have realtions with...but it's encouraging to know you CAN break out of these problems.

 

[oakpope]

Thank you for the update !

Congratulations for your progress

The cutting of porn and reduced masturbation may have been the right move, maybe you should continue like that until you have build enough confidence in you when you are with partners to enjoy the whole thing

Good luck in your future relations, take care and enjoy the life !