Please, give me some advice!

[JarodA]

I'm such an idiot. Alright, two days ago now, I started studying computer graphics. Now in my class there's this guy. He's bi. First day, he was really quiet. But today he talked a little bit, and well, my gaydar went off. And we talked a bit, we added each other on Facebook. That's where I found out he was bi, it says on his profile.

I'm not romantically interested in this guy, but I want to get to know him better, become friends. He seems really nice and who knows, he might have some gay friends. I feel so lucky to have even met this guy, and I only started talking to him today. And well, now I feel like I've totally blown it.

We chatted on Facebook tonight, and somehow it came out that I was gay. He didn't at first know. It was when I queried him about a friend of his that I know from work. I told this guy that his friend was nice (and I didn't mean anything sexual by it, just that he was a nice person). Well, then, just joking, he said, "Do you like him? I mean really like him?", and I said "He is cute".

But the gay part wasn't the problem. The problem was, I started babbling. I was really nervous, and really excited. Bad combo for me.
I can't remember exactly what I said, but it made him feel awkward. I know this much - I did NOT come onto him (he said he was already taken anyway), but eventually he kind of stopped talking. Then to try to get him to talk again, I dug an even deeper hole. I said "When did you realize you were bi?". He didn't say anything.

I'll see him tomorrow at college, and well it'll probably all be alright. Seriously have I blown it here? I think the problem was I barely know him and I wasn't even thinking, and I already talked about personal stuff!

 

[tonyboy]

I'm such an idiot. Alright, two days ago now, I started studying computer graphics. Now in my class there's this guy. He's bi. First day, he was really quiet. But today he talked a little bit, and well, my gaydar went off. And we talked a bit, we added each other on Facebook. That's where I found out he was bi, it says on his profile.

I'm not romantically interested in this guy, but I want to get to know him better, become friends. He seems really nice and who knows, he might have some gay friends. I feel so lucky to have even met this guy, and I only started talking to him today. And well, now I feel like I've totally blown it.

We chatted on Facebook tonight, and somehow it came out that I was gay. He didn't at first know. It was when I queried him about a friend of his that I know from work. I told this guy that his friend was nice (and I didn't mean anything sexual by it, just that he was a nice person). Well, then, just joking, he said, "Do you like him? I mean really like him?", and I said "He is cute".

But the gay part wasn't the problem. The problem was, I started babbling. I was really nervous, and really excited. Bad combo for me.
I can't remember exactly what I said, but it made him feel awkward. I know this much - I did NOT come onto him (he said he was already taken anyway), but eventually he kind of stopped talking. Then to try to get him to talk again, I dug an even deeper hole. I said "When did you realize you were bi?". He didn't say anything.

I'll see him tomorrow at college, and well it'll probably all be alright. Seriously have I blown it here? I think the problem was I barely know him and I wasn't even thinking, and I already talked about personal stuff!

Holy cow man, you are not an idiot at all.
First off most guys that say they are bi are really gay, they just are young and not ready to delcare themselves gay.

But since you say the gay part is not the problem, dont't worry about that part of it then.

Now, I don't know too much about facebook... I figure it's just a place where people can write back and forth about mutual interests, share pics of what they have been doing recently, stuff like that..

Seems since he added you on his facebook and you added him, well then he figures he as a friend that he wants to keep in touch with in that way.



You know this guy, and I don't. but I'd say that since you know him in person, well could be you may try to talk to him in person, just talk as two guys in college...
I do know it's easier to write online than talk about certain things in person..

I will write to you more in im man..
you did nothing wrong here..

 

[G-Lexington]

One thing to keep in mind, always always always. Talking to fill a space is almost NEVER a good idea. To do so is to speak without thinking, and that's a recipe for disaster.

I'd apologize, in a very generic way. Just say "Hey, hope I didn't make you uncomfortable or anything last night." Then change topics back to class. "I've been stressing about this last assignment..." Don't keep apologizing, don't explain, don't do anything but say that one sentence unless he specifically brings it up again, or wants to talk about it in detail.

Lex

 

[Lube]

I'd say dont get so worked up about it.
I've had quite a few normal chats on facebook that just end like that! The normal etiquette for typical conversations is not maintained in facebook so dont worry too much about it. I'm sure you'll be grand when you see him in person.
I wonder why you got really nervous and really excited chatting to a guy you're not interested in, whats up with that?

Yeah, what he said.

You're overreacting. Chill.

It will be fine tomorrow. It'll probably just blow over. I wouldn't start by apologizing; I'd just start chatting again. Only if he seems hurt would I apologize. You probably made a mountain out of a molehill.

And now for some unsolicited advice: Don't name a thread "Need advice" because it doesn't really say anything. Everybody needs advice; that's why we're here. Instead, give it a specific title, like "Did I offend him?" or "New friendship messed up?".

 

[JarodA]

OK update time. You guys were right. I saw him today as expected, and things were fine. He said "no hard feelings about last night", and that he accepts me for who I am. So great. Overreacting just like you guys said.

I wonder why you got really nervous and really excited chatting to a guy you're not interested in, whats up with that?

I can see why you'd ask that. I got nervous because A) It's very rare for me to even get close to friendship with anybody, and B) I can honestly say I've never had a LGBT friend in my life.

 

[JarodA]

OK another update - keep in mind I'm clueless about all this kind of stuff, so if it looks like I make stupid mistakes, I probably have.

This guy, well, after everything was cleared up yesterday I decided to see if he wanted to have lunch today. So I asked him, and he took it like I was asking him out. I later said that I wasn't, and he said "Oh, but I was flattered", jokingly I'm sure.

It's hard to explain, it's like he's sort of playing hard-to-get, but I don't even want to get with him, not in that way. So it's a bit confusing. I'm not sure exactly what he's thinking.

I only just met him properly a couple of days ago so maybe even for friendship, I'm taking it too fast. I won't see him till Monday now, which is kind of good. I think I'll try to take it more slowly. I also maybe should stop focussing on him so much, try and talk to others as well.

Making friends at this age is a new territory for me so yeah. I feel like maybe I could be onto something, I don't want to screw it up.

 

[Eagle653]

I can relate to so much of what you've written. When I was first coming out, trying to make gay friends, I was hyper-sensitive to what I was saying, how it might be perceived, what they were saying, etc. etc. This was especially true if I just wanted to know someone better, or be friends, and not coming on to them. Was I saying the right thing? Being clear? Being overly clear? Being annoying? lol The more I tried to explain myself, and couch everything with detailed explanations, the more silly I looked and the deeper I dug my hole. I'm sure a lot of guys had a lot of grins at my expense. Oh well. Just be yourself and let them get to know you, too, and they'll realize you're genuine and a nice guy who just wants to make friends. Good luck!

 

[JarodA]

Well, a bit of an update. Things are going OK. I'm starting to loosen up a bit, and yesterday, shy guy I am, I sort of had to force myself to keep talking at times, but I managed to hold a semblance of a conversation with him. So I think I'm doing the right things at the moment.

There's another (straight) guy who's very friendly, and into computer games like me lol, so I'm talking to him as well. We're going to play Halo online sometime. Geeks.