Please Help Advice- Please

[TLCJOCKRJ]

Hello guys I am new here and hope to make a few of many friends

I would like to ask you for some advice on a matter.

My boyfriend remains friends with his ex who is Gareth. My boyfriend has a sexual history with Gareth, my bf asked me if i would mind if he can stay with us for a weekend. I said yes.

This is my dilemma. When my boyfriend went to work Gareth was talking to me. Then he tells me that he is on a sex site to meet with other guys, now I know this man has a boyfriend. A while back maybe two years ago I have asked my boyfriend before if Gareth is in a mono relationship or an open one. My boyfriend told me no Gareth is loyal to James who is his boyfriend. So i thought this Gareth was been unfaithful to his boyfriend. I spoke to my boyfriend when he was home and he told me that Gareth and James are into an open relationship and they have sex with other people. Men and woman.

I asked my boyfriend how does he know that the are in an open relationship and he told me that Gareth told him years ago. So the problem is this, My boyfriend lied to me when I asked him if his Ex (Gareth) was in an open relationship. He told me no, then when I hear from Gareths own mouth he confirms he is, then my bf tells me Gareth told him before.

The fact my bf lied to me when I asked him is his ex into an open relationship as he did know and it is hurting and i am battling with the trust. What do you suggest? Please help

 

[KaraBulut]

The fact my bf lied to me when I asked him is his ex into an open relationship as he did know and it is hurting and i am battling with the trust. What do you suggest? Please help

What your friends do in their relationship or out of their relationship shouldn't be your concern.

What should be your concern is dealing with your jealousy and insecurity about your own relationship. If you are in a position where you are worried that your boyfriend is cheating on you with his ex, then that is something that you need to take up with your boyfriend.

Either you have trust in a relationship or you don't. And if you don't or can't trust your boyfriend, then that doesn't give much hope for the future of the relationship.

 

[TLCJOCKRJ]

What your friends do in their relationship or out of their relationship shouldn't be your concern.

What should be your concern is dealing with your jealousy and insecurity about your own relationship. If you are in a position where you are worried that your boyfriend is cheating on you with his ex, then that is something that you need to take up with your boyfriend.

Either you have trust in a relationship or you don't. And if you don't or can't trust your boyfriend, then that doesn't give much hope for the future of the relationship.

I fully agree with what you saying.

Let me just clarify something here. The point I was making was that yes this Gareth has been involved with my boyfriend and they remain friends, i understand the sexual relationships that our friends have in their partnerships is their own business. The truth is, I asked my boyfriend when we had a conversation what type of relationship does his ex have,, then he lied to me and said that it is a mono relationship, then later he admits to knowing they share an open relationship, this is the part that I have a problem with.

The lying. Also this man is was going to be staying in my home with me and my bf.

 

[Aymotin]

He probably lied because he knew you would start shit like you starting right now.

It´s often problematic to just stay friends with someone you had a deeper relation with before. Not for the two persons that had the relationship, but for the third person (you).

Jealousy is a weakness that destroies relationships, and it comes from your own insecurity about yourself and your relation to your partner.


This could be the chance for you to show your partner that you are confident in his love and about yourself, and that he doesn´t have to lie to you to avoid scenes of jealousy.

But this

Also this man is was going to be staying in my home with me and my bf.

makes me wonder if you are strong enough for trust.

Maybe your boyfriend lied to you to protect a relationship, standing on the unstable fundament of underlying mistrust and jealousy.

 

[Seasoned]

I wouldn't tolerate an ex of my boyfriend to stay with us, nor would he with me. I don't get the whole ex as friends thing anyway. Aren't there enough people in the world to make new friends after a divorce?

It is a problem that he lied to you no matter what his reasons. Either he's hiding something or he doesn't have the balls to tell you you that he will remain friends regardless of your feelings.

 

[Rolyo85]

I disagree. It is absolutely none of OP's business what type of relationship his bf's ex has. Perhaps the bf felt it wasn't his place to say what it was, as open relationships do require some more explanation.

Also, if I understand correctly, OP was asked whether it was ok for the ex to be there.

So srsly, it sounds like a case of unwarranted jealousy and insecurity.

Then again, he might be cheating behind your back ^_^ Go figure.

 

[KaraBulut]

The lying. Also this man is was going to be staying in my home with me and my bf.

It's really three separate issues.

The first issue is whether it's good for your boyfriend's ex to be staying with you. If it's your home, you have the right to determine who stays there. If you're not comfortable with the situation, the talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you're just not comfortable having his ex in your home.

The lying is another issue and one that you will need to take up with your boyfriend. It does put your boyfriend in a difficult position if he suspects that telling you the truth would set off the current situation. If you want honesty, then either your boyfriend needs to tell you the truth (and you need to be willing to accept it without getting upset at him) or he needs to learn to tell you that the answer is not any of your business. Communication is very much related to trust which was discussed before.

Which is the last issue- already dealt with- the sex lives of other people is none your concern and your boyfriend would have been better off saying that instead of lying about it.