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Please help! Recently came out

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Hey everyone, some of you guys might remember me from a year or so ago, I had been having a problem with some feelings that I was having towards my best friend, but I was fully closeted at that time. Now I have come out to my parents, and close friends and my brother. I have never slept with either a man or a woman, but I have definitely had alot more attraction and drives towards men than women so I am sure of what I am. My feelings for my best friend have just intensified, to the point where I go through periods of depression. I am extremely confused as to how it is possible to have such strong feelings for someone if you are not in a relationship with them. My friend is insanely hard to read, and I don't plan on ever revealing my feelins for him because I am afraid of what will happen next, I don't want to ruin a great friendship over something like this. The thing I am most confused about is that ever since I told him about me, we have hung out alot more frequently and even shared a bed the other night at his house. He is willing to sleep in the same bed with a gay guy? The catch is that he has a girlfriend of 7 months, which leads me to think he is straight. How do I know for sure where his head is at without freaking him out? If he is 100% straight and doesnt return the feelings, I could work on getting over him, but I have a huge gut feeling that there might be something there... any comments would be greatly appreciated
 
Congrats on coming out. Below is one possible explanation for your friend behavior.

You hangout more because he feel he knows you better since you came out to him. He's behaving the way a good friend should, doing what he can to support you.

He slept in the same bed with you because he's assured about his sexuality. He's comfortable with you and he trust you.

To me, none of these thing really signify that he might be gay or interest in you sexually. If you feel like you must let him know your feeling for him then tell him. Do it in the way of a light heart confession. Make it clear that although you have feelings for him, you are not expecting anything from him. If he's a really good friend who is confident with his sexuality, he might be flatter and leave it at that. I'd he's not confident with his sexuality and get spook by your confession, you might lose him as a friend.

Best of luck.
 
mooncake said:
Congrats on coming out. Below is one possible explanation for your friend behavior.

You hangout more because he feel he knows you better since you came out to him. He's behaving the way a good friend should, doing what he can to support you.

He slept in the same bed with you because he's assured about his sexuality. He's comfortable with you and he trust you.

To me, none of these thing really signify that he might be gay or interest in you sexually. If you feel like you must let him know your feeling for him then tell him. Do it in the way of a light heart confession. Make it clear that although you have feelings for him, you are not expecting anything from him. If he's a really good friend who is confident with his sexuality, he might be flatter and leave it at that. I'd he's not confident with his sexuality and get spook by your confession, you might lose him as a friend.

Best of luck.
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Basically what mooncake said^^

In my opinion, you have already done all that you can. You've come out to him and he has obviously shown you support, but I do not think thats any indication that he is gay. If he were gay or interested, I think that he would've told you already since you came out to him.
Good luck and congrats on coming out! At least you have his support as a friend. I try to not dwell on any of my straight friends (who are all like fuking models!!!#-o ) and i try to think of them in the same sense I view women.
 
i went thru the same thing, had a best friend for years, he didnt know i was gay & I had intense feelings for him. blah, blah blah. I have since come out & have told him, which he didnt care & we shared a bed everytime we would go out of town, which again, he never cared about that either. he even went to a gay bar with me.
I asked him if he ever considered "checking out the other side of the looking glass" so to speak. basically asking if he ever were to consider gay sex. He replied. No, not my thing. & then we just moved on to the next topic without skipping a beat.

But now I know hes not into it & I have gotten over obsessing about him all day. we are still great friends. At least he knows that if he ever should want to try it, I will be there with open arms!! (or legs) :) cuz I think its always in the back of his mind now.

by thinking hes gay from the little things he does, only fools yourself & actually hurts you, cuz you are building up a false hope that could get crushed. be careful. & congrats on coming out!!!
 
You deserve a healthy and happy life. It's going to be your job to meet mire people who are accessible to you. Holding out for anyone takes too much out of a person.

Part of this type of attraction is that it takes away all the dating uncertainty.
 
By experience, I'll tell you that it's best if you just let it go. You did your part by telling him your sexuality. It seems he is being very supportive. If at some point he realizes he is gay, and you're good friends, chances are he'll have the guts to tell you about it. It seems you are close enough for that. Otherwise, nothing of what you've mentioned seems to indicate he is gay or interested in you.

Mind you there is something between the two of you that could be very strong: friendship! Do not confuse it with anything else! That's the kind of love you cherish and guard. A friend can last for your entire life, a relationship usually tends to be more fragile and ephemeral.

In my case my friend was gay too. I took the chance to tell him about my feelings, told him I only did it to let it out not expecting anything from him. Things have been ever since crazy! Can't say I can call him a friend anymore, now we're just this weird blob with no name. The journey was posted by me a while ago if you're interested in reading lol I've always felt he has true romantic feelings for me, but after almost 3 years of the lukewarm waters (and me turning him down for sex countless times...) I asked him flat out, he said no such thing existed and I can wholeheartedly tell you ever since I'm not even interested in him. It's been almost a year since that happened and well, he's still after me... mind you I'm not interested anymore because I want someone who has the balls to be honest with me. I deserve better! And I found better along the way! And you know what? This guy came out of his way on his own for me!

Moral of the story: if he's interested he'll let you know. Don't hold out for him (big mistake), don't feed the hope as it's only bound to hurt you in the end and please set your sights on healthily available men! They're everywhere! Remember: this is only the start of your life-long journey. Just avoid sabotaging yourself and you'll be fine. This guy seems like a keeper of a friend in my book! Don't ruin that please. :)
 
I tend to agree with the sentiments above. Mooncake makes an especially good point in that he could just be very secure with himself, and likes and trusts you so much, that sharing a bed with gay guy doesn't bother him in the least.

Yet, you have your doubts. I would not divulge your romantic interest in him. However, you do need some peace of mind over this so that you can either pursue him or move on.

You two obviously have a very close relationship, one in which you can tell each other anything. Next time you have adequate time with him, alone, bring up the being gay thing and start a general conversation about it. At some point, say you're just curious--has he even had gay thoughts? Could he see himself ever in a relationship with a man? Just ask innocently, and not like you're hinting or suspecting or anything like that.

If he says no, then accept that. Of course, he could secretly harbor those thoughts or desires and not be out to himself or comfortable with those feelings. But, the end result is the same: He's not available, and it's time for you to accept him as he is--straight--and move on to someone who can return your love and affection in that way.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.
 
castoono said:
Talk to him about his girlfriend, and tell him she's a lucky girl. Expect reaction.
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lmao. probably not an appropriate comment to make. haha.

ok, so when i came out, i told my friends that my friends are my friends, and that's it, like, i don't wanna blow them lol or anything like that. i didn't want it to be weird, or anything, or have any friends thinking i want to fuck them, like, we have a fairly close group of friends that all know each other.

HOWEVER, there was 1 friend who we all stoped hanging out with about a year ago, and i always thought he was sooooo hot. i so wanted him. i had to catch myself from checking him out constantly lol. had he kept hanging out with us, or had i been out at the time, i wouldn't of said anything to him beyond us just being friends. i don't think it would've been a wise move. straight friends, are straight friends. nothing more. and i value my friendships too much to try that shit on someone i know is straight.

personally, if i were you, i wouldn't tell him. i'd just try and get over my attraction to him, and look for guys elsewhere. *although* sleeping in the same bed would make me question a couple things too lol, i have to admit it.
 
Thank you all for your comments, the situation hasn't changed much, we slept in the same bed together again a few days later, and still talk on a day to day basis and hang out whenever we can. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to keep this to myself, and let time tell me what is going on, and now that I am out he knows where I am at, so now he can open up if he is too.
 
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