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Post-first date (or whatever) paranoia - how much is normal?

R

RobUK2

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Hi all

After the first meeting/date/night (whatever it was) how much wondering "will I see him again?" is normal, and when does it become weird-bunny-boiler-type paranoia? I take the normal "of course we'll see each other again" speech with a degree of skepticism, but I'd still like to believe him (he's such a nice guy, or, at least, I think he is), but, as well as not being too neurotically paranoid, I don't want to be stupidly optimistic, either.

What do you guys think is a healthy balance of skepticism/optimism about everything going well, and at what stage does it become neurotic paranoia or blind-optimism?

Rob
:confused:
 
call me jaded, but i never expect anything after the first date. ive had the most sincere, nice seeming guys not return my calls, and the most fickle seeming guys come back for more. id like to believe im a pretty good judge of character, but i still find it pretty impossible to tell. so as a rule, i dont allow myself to get too involved emotionally until after the second date. if he calls/answers my call, great. otherwise, lets move on to the next.
 
x-cess said:
call me jaded, but i never expect anything after the first date. ive had the most sincere, nice seeming guys not return my calls, and the most fickle seeming guys come back for more. id like to believe im a pretty good judge of character, but i still find it pretty impossible to tell. so as a rule, i dont allow myself to get too involved emotionally until after the second date. if he calls/answers my call, great. otherwise, lets move on to the next.
Click to expand...

Thanks, man. Yeah, that was what I was wondering about - it just seems very cynical...
 
I think its alright to get optimistic about a second date, its a good sign the first date went well. I know I text after my frist date about 2 hours later and arranged to meet after another 2 days. So just go for it.

I'd say it becomes paranoia and too much if you dont choose to go another date after waiting too long for the guy you first went on a date with.

Oh and if they cancel a second date more than 2 or 3 times, id try with someone else :)
 
Hmmm, conflicting advice... Kinda confused, now - you both make good points...

Oh, and PS - SD - you're hot! Maybe I should take a little trip on the Metro...
 
RobUK2 said:
Hmmm, conflicting advice... Kinda confused, now - you both make good points...

Oh, and PS - SD - you're hot! Maybe I should take a little trip on the Metro...
Click to expand...

Thanks, and very close is Birmingham.

But ive only ever been on one proper date with a guy, my other gay relationship started from a one night stand, and ended up the worst relationship ive had. And now im onto second who I had a date with and its the best ive ever been in. So its good youre dating.

And FYI yeah for those two days waiting for the second date I got nervous and all that, so it is expected, wouldnt be paranoid, just a normal feeling!

(*8*):-)
 
This post fits in perfectly with my situation. I was on one of the wonderful gay "social-network sites" browsing around, just kinda trying to see who was in the area and this cute guy sent me a message and we started emailing back and forth for a few days. We exchanged numbers and on Monday night we decided to meet up and we were both going in with the intention to sleep with each other.

Long story short, we ended up NOT sleeping together that night because we started talking and the conversation kept going naturally for about two hours. We started making out and decided not to go any further and just kinda see what happens because we both said the other seemed really cool. We meet up again on Thursday night and hung out, he spent the night, we fooled around a little bit but didn't have sex. We met up again last night, kept it casual and had a simple frozen pizza and a few beers, ended up going out to a bar, and then crashed back at my place. We talked this morning about how we would like to see where things could go, and we both seemed really cool with each other, and not to ruin it by making it an internet hookup.

I guess what I'm saying is that things will happen when you don't expect it, and if things don't progress naturally without the effort, then you should take that as a sign that maybe things just aren't meant to pan out the way you thought.
 
OK beware playing games, like making rules about how long you should wait before contacting him again. That shit never works.

If you like him, and you think he likes you, call him the next day and ask him out again – if he likes you, he won’t mind, so long as you’re not acting like he’s already your boyfriend. A good rule of thumb for me is to treat him with SLIGHTLY more interest than I would a guy who’s just a friend – at first.

If he says no, or dithers, tell him to get back to you when he feels like it, and move along. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. But don’t sit around waiting for him.

If he likes you he’ll be motivated enough to contact you, just like you were motivated enough to contact him.

DON’T start making wedding plans in your head until you’ve been dating awhile.
 
You don't sound paranoid RobUK2. I wouldn't worry too much right now. I agree with the second date people.
 
RobUK2 said:
Hmmm, conflicting advice... Kinda confused, now - you both make good points...
Click to expand...

ok, now i think you might have missunderstood me... i think if you like him, you should call/message and set up another date. my point just was that i usually keep my hopes in check at the beginning.
 
Ah, the "Will he call?" period.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzG4ewJ9_kk[/ame]

It's a lot easier to talk at the end of the date and say, "I had a good time, I'd like to see you again". If you both agree, then talk about who will call whom. It just removes all of the uncertainty and the stupidity of the games that people play.

On the other hand, if you don't want to go out with the person, just say so. Or if you aren't feeling it, just say, "I enjoyed going out with you but I think we're going to be better as friends".

And if you say you're going to call, then call.

There's nothing worse than two guys who enjoyed going out and want to see each other again but who both wait for the other person to call.
 
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