Potential Drama and Avoiding it

[MindBlast]

Okay, so here's the situation.

I'm 25 and gay. I have both gay and straight friends (and 1 bi friend). Anyway, it just seems like my gay friends can be a lot of drama sometimes. I like them, but sometimes they really do gossip a lot and I'm worried about that since I'm interested in one of them (which is a situation unto itself).

First of all, the guy I'm interested in is about 5 years older than me, but that's not a big deal to me. What is sort of a big deal is that he just divorced his husband. I've been friends with him for about a year, and I'm interested in going further but I have a feeling that he's in the rebound zone, and that I should keep the status quo of friends without going further for a good long while.

Another problem with me asking this guy if he wants to mess around and/or go out with me is that we have some mutual gay friends who are major gossips. I'm afraid of them starting rumours about us and tying past events to current ones (ie: insinuating the breakup was a result of me, which it is clearly not because I haven't EVER even messed around or flirted with this guy before).

Anyway, I'm just looking for some advice here. My brain is telling me to stay away from anything sexual with him. My body is saying opposite.

 

[G-Lexington]

First off, doing something or not doing something because of what gossips say? Bad idea. Gossips will gossip. That's what they do. If you do nothing for them to gossip about, they'll make something up. So discount them entirely.

As far as this guy goes? Well, you're friends. Can you just sit down with him and discuss it? "I'd like to tell you something, and would like to hear your thoughts. I've been thinking about seeing if you'd like to become more than friends, but since you just got divorced, I realize this probably isn't the best time. Is this something you might have interest in in the future?"

Lex

 

[MindBlast]

Thanks Lex.

Good point about the gossips. If there's no drama in their lives, they'll make drama regardless of the truth. I'll discount it into the "not my problem" file.

And yeah, he's pretty approachable. I could talk to him about it, but I do know that physically he finds me agreeable (he's said as much), so the chances of the two of us messing around while not actually dating each other are fairly high if I tell him that's what I want to do. I'm just a little bit afraid that his judgement about whether or not he wants to actually have a relationship will be clouded by his physical interest in me. I'd say that's a valid concern.

 

[G-Lexington]

Then bring that up. Tell him to give it some thought, and make a promise not to go to bed with him that day. That'll give you both some time to weigh the pros and cons about how you both feel.

Lex

 

[Smitho]

Depends what you want, if you want some (hopefully) good short term sex then go for it now, while he is in the rebound and get the sex and avoid a relationship, if you think a LT relationship is what you want, I would wait for him to get out of the rebound time zone, although this is obviously a risk, as it could be to late!

As for the gossips, forget about them, just be happy you are the one nailing the fit guy!!

 

[rareboy]

Gossips? Fuck them.

Your friend? Fuck him. Just get the boundaries established before you do.

 

[KaraBulut]

Gossip is only interesting if it's a dirty little secret.

So, whatever you do, do it out, unashamedly and in their face. Somehow when everyone knows the truth, the gossip is a lot less interesting.

 

[MindBlast]

Thanks a lot for the help guys. I'll be direct in saying that I want to mess around with him for now. The other guys can say what they want.