Predicament w/ str8 friend

[txguy76]

So I finally registered on here after coming up with a situation. Sorry for the long post...

My best friend (known him since high school--we are in early 30's now), recently is single (divorce petition finalized). He's "str8" and very attractive. He's always had a fem side to him, we talk a lot of about sex (I'm bi and we talk about my experiences with both), seen each other naked and jacked off together to porn (not touching each other). We now live in different cities but not too far from one another. I just visited him yesterday. We met up with a girl who likes him. She ended up coming back to his place. All of us were very plowed. Time to go to bed and we all head for his bed (both of us typically sleep in the same bed since there is only one bed). Lights are off. The chick starts making out with both of us and she takes both of our clothes off quickly. Although we are both spending time on the chick, I start rubbing his back with one hand. I eventually start rubbing (on and off) his cock, balls, and butt (but not for long periods of time). This goes on for a while...while we are both doing stuff with the chick. I once ran my finger into the crack of his ass and went to his hole, but he grabbed my hand and moved it away. At the same time, he rubs my back a bit. He also grabs and rubs my cock maybe 3? times but only for about 10 seconds each time. Nobody got off...we passed out after about 1 hr.? I woke up later on started making out with the chick but this time around she was only interested in my friend and jacked him off to completion, while i was just there. (boo! --ha).

Anyway, in the morning, I think everything is okay but unsure. He smiled at me and said I was a "legend." I had to head out of town and he went to drop off the chick. He called me almost immediately after he dropped her off and said "what happened last night...is there anything you want to talk about" I said "no, there's nothing to talk about unless you want to talk about something." We didnt really come up with a topic. We talked a couple more minutes but that was it. I've sent him 2 texts today with general stuff (no need for him to respond but he's usually pretty good at commenting). I havent heard from him. I guess I'll wait until early next week and if I havent heard something I should call him?? Not sure what to say. There's a little part of me that is unsure if he or the chick was the one rubbing my back and cock (due to alcohol)...but I'm 95% sure he did based on hand angles/movements, etc. and where we were located on the bed. Anyway...just throwing it out there...thoughts (other than the usual you should fuck around with your friends).

 

[Seasoned]

I hope he doesn't run scared and end his friendship with you. It seems to me you were working up to this anyway, minus the chick. If it comes up and he is concerned blame it on the alcohol. Think about the sexual side to this, or, better yet, talk about it with him. If he is more bi and you are more gay it could be a constant cat and mouse game for you. Good luck.

 

[txguy76]

It probably could be said that we were working up to this...but unsure. He's always been very comfortable w/ gay guys, but I suppose there is always a line (in the past he has questioned whether he was gay or not (due to music taste, dress of clothes, etc.) but decided that he wasnt). More details..we are touchy feely friends, compliment each other on looks, etc., and occasionally grab each other's asses...but very playful...not sexual. I'm def. more gay and he knows that. I know that he LOVES women, although that doesnt bar him from liking guys a little. If I don't hear anything by Monday, I'll text him.


soreknees: what do you mean by "think about the sexual side to this"

 

[andyspete]

The fact that he called you almost immediately after dropping the girl off and asked if there were something you wanted to discuss has me thinking he definitely wants to talk about it. I wonder when you replied, "no", if he was a bit offended by that. He wants to talk about it and maybe was put off a bit by your seemingly nonchalant attitude about it.

I wouldn't wait to hear from him. Call him and be normal and natural in conversation but bring up the topic and say how much you enjoyed it or something and see how he responds. Don't play games with him but rather just be honest about how you really did feel about the night's activities.

He seems to be a little weirded out about it and needs to talk it through. Don't let it linger and risk jeopardizing your friendship. If he feels a boundary was crossed that he's uncomfortable with, assure him it was a one time thing. Or maybe he wants to explore it further but you'll never know unless you guys talk it out. Good luck to you and I hope it all works out for the best.

 

[txguy76]

I did come off as very "whatever" nonchalant about last night when he asked. I always figured guys like him rather NOT talk about anything after the fact and sober because that's when they really get weirded out. I do think he wanted to talk -- but what did he want me to say?

I'm not really trying to play games with him...but just figure out what the hell to do. I'll be honest, I'd be happy being a FWB with him, but our friendship is much more a big deal. B/c of his attraction to women, there is also basically no doubt in mind he will marry again -- and I'd like to still be his best friend when that happens...which makes me nervous about doing the FWB in the meantime now that he is single.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

Welll try to think like your in his place, you guys got drunk fooled around then he calls to talk and you pretend like nothing happened. No one is immune to insecurities he might be sitting right home thinking wow was it just a drunken mistake in his book? or something along those lines..

I suggest you figure out what you want from him and then just talk to him about it

 

[sleepsalot]

I did come off as very "whatever" nonchalant about last night when he asked. I always figured guys like him rather NOT talk about anything after the fact...

I'd say the fact that he brought it up would mean he wants to talk about it. Give him a call, mention his comment and then talk things out.

 

[txguy76]

Well these are my tentative thoughts...I will try to get in contact with him tomorrow.

"Hey, what's up (do normal talk)...I wanted to talk about Friday night. That was pretty hot b/c one of my big sexual fantasies is 2 guys on 1 girl (i have never told him this). Although I think everything was fine, I was extremely drunk and I hope I didnt do anything to cross your boundaries. If this ever comes up again, we should do this again and just concentrate on having the woman get us off."

thoughts?

 

[MindBlast]

Well these are my tentative thoughts...I will try to get in contact with him tomorrow.

"Hey, what's up (do normal talk)...I wanted to talk about Friday night. That was pretty hot b/c one of my big sexual fantasies is 2 guys on 1 girl (i have never told him this). Although I think everything was fine, I was extremely drunk and I hope I didnt do anything to cross your boundaries. If this ever comes up again, we should do this again and just concentrate on having the woman get us off."

thoughts?

No.

You call him up and you apologize for refusing to talk about it earlier. It's an important conversation you need to have. He obviously remembers exactly what happened, and now he's probably pissed off that you wouldn't talk about it. Friends are supposed to lay things out in the open with each other.

I'm guessing the reason he moved your hand out of his crack is he's not comfortable yet. He touched your dick, so obviously he's somewhat curious, but you went a little too far for him and he made you back off a little bit but he did NOT freak out. That's the important part. I think he's handling this better than you are.

 

[8tomtoms8]

You definately need to call him ASAP. He REALLY wanted to talk to you about it and you basically shut him out. You are the gay/bi guy. He's the straight one. For a straight guy to even bring up the subject is extremely rare. You are VERY lucky. I think you should be very empethetic and let him say how he feels about what happened. I can see your reasons for not wanting to have a sexual relationship with him because he is straight and when he finds a new girl, you are the odd man out. But you need to help him understand what happened shouldn't freak either of you out.

Good luck

 

[txguy76]

Well...I just texted him and asked to talk tonight. He responded and said he's available. He then just sent another text asking me if everything is okay. So maybe he thinks everything is okay. I already responded yeah -- that everything is fine. Any more thoughts on here are greatly appreciated!

 

[sleepsalot]

Calls are more personal than SMSs. "So maybe he thinks everything is ok."? Does that mean that you don't think it is?

 

[txguy76]

It makes me think that he may wonder if everything is okay on my end...which means he doesnt want to talk about it.

 

[seven2go]

Well...I just texted him and asked to talk tonight. He responded and said he's available. He then just sent another text asking me if everything is okay.

HE seems to be FINE......you on the other hand......

 

[swerve]

Here is what I would do...

Regardless of the facts, I would just take the blame -- kind of like...

"Hey dude -- I had a lot of fun the other night -- sorry that we were both so trashed -- and I'm sorry that I crossed the line a couple of times -- but thanks for correcting that..."

You're Bi -- so its not really BAD that you did -- and he can continue feeling masculine and unscathed...

Just an idea -- glad ya'll had such a great time...

 

[bankside]

It makes me think that he may wonder if everything is okay on my end...which means he doesnt want to talk about it.

I'd say something like. "Yeah I had fun the other night but I didn't really have much to say about it. I didn't want to come across like I was avoiding it though if you had anything on your mind."

So, kind of like what you said in the first place but "I have nothing to say unless you do" sounds like you want to shut down the conversation.

Just let him know he can lead the conversation if something is on his mind, and that you had fun and didn't do anything you regret. Hopefully he didn't either because you thought it was fun for all of you and you were fine with what happened. That will probably help him be okay with it. The combination of "no regrets and no expectations" is probably the best gift you can offer the guy right now, but if it was a fun way to spend the evening, it could be a fun way to spend the evening on future weekends too.

 

[txguy76]

Well... we talked for about 30 minutes. I brought up Friday night..."i had a fun time Friday night." I dont think he wanted to talk much. He said "I hope we are sexually clean." I asked do you mean STD's (I know he didnt mean that but didnt know what else to say)...he said "errr yeah" So that's where we are at. I figure we will just play cool and not talk about it anymore.

 

[seven2go]

Less talk.......more action....... .......

 

[Flexuality]

You know your friend better than the rest of us, but it seems to me that he might have wanted to talk to you the next morning to reassume you that he still considers himself straight. As you describe it, you spent more time carressing him than vise versa, and he might have touched you just out of curiosity or a desire to be polite and recipricate. He might have worried that you would think the night had changed your friendship or his orientation in some way. Your silence might have even been reassuring to him. (Others have stressed the other possibility - that he wants to do more of the same and took your comment as a brush off- and they could be right.)

Like others who have posted, I would suggest you let him know that you had fun, but I would also make it clear that you don't consider it a big deal and don't think it means he's gay or assume he would want to do it again. Then he won't be defensive about it.