Pretending to be a friend at social events...

[medic1]

Firstly,it is something more serious,if you are both "exclusive". If it was me my self-respect and my pure celtic stubborn mind-set would make me stand my ground.
If his friends are fine,but he is wary of being caught by mummy and daddy,then perhaps he is not ready for an exclusive pairing?

 

[eastofeden]

I wouldn't be OK with it....but it isn't my decision to make. I think that people who willingly oppress themselves can be nightmarish and will eventually project that to others....especially if you are the object of their affection.

 

[jensu846]

You should still go and have fun.

 

[maxpowr9]

It does raise a red flag and I would be concerned that he isn't out to his parents.

 

[Seasoned]

I remember those days and sometimes it was hot pretending, especially if followed by sex, but that was more than 30 years ago and so much has happened in the Western world since then. I think I'd have a question for him and that would be, "when to you plan on coming out to your family?"

 

[Rolyo85]

I agree with the others. The way I see it for myself is quite simple - it was a struggle for me to come to terms with being gay and coming out of the closet was a great victory. I am NEVER going into anybody else's closet. For any reason. And if a guy isn't out to his family, he isn't truly out at all, and therefore not the least bit ready for any serious relationship.

Do not allow his problems to dictate your freedom.

 

[journo25]

I wouldn't play along. If you are good enough to be "exclusive" and good enough to meet his friends, then I wouldn't go through with the charade for the sake of his homophobic parents. As the others have said, you must decide for yourself. In my view, he has unfinished business and I would refuse to be anyone's "dirty little secret."

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok so I have been seeing this guy for quite a while now, we aren't too serious but we have agreed not to see other people.

Everyone has their own time and place for coming out. Because you've described the relationship as not "too serious", then it's not reasonable to expect that your boyfriend is going to come out to his family for the sole purpose of disclosing that you are more than a friend.

However, if this relationship continues to progress and becomes something more committed, then you should have the talk about when he's going to come out to his family. If you're in a serious committed long term relationship, you shouldn't have to be "the friend" or "the roommate". But for now, you're not in that kind of relationship.

 

[dragon08]

As an out individual, I say that none of us have the right to judge the guy for not being it to his family we don't know what his situation is like, and we should all be familiar with how scary it is to come out.
Second if you guys aren't that serious then you can't be that picky about his rules. If you don't like them then don't show up to the event. It all just boils down to what you are comfortable with. If the issue is a big deal to you then perhaps you should find someone else but don't rush him on coming out.
Everyone moves at a different pace, some people come out at 12 others at 60 and who are we to rush then it judge them. I'm pretty sure most of us would be happy if people didn't judge us and made us conform to their beliefs

 

[Rolyo85]

Coming out is a personal thing, but at this point if you are financially independent from your family, you have very few excuses not to be out, and they boil down to fear. So yes, we have people coming out at 60, but that's not a "normal" thing, it's a sad one, and it's because of when they were born, not because it's ok to stay closeted until 60.

That said, I agree that we don't know the guy's situation and if you aren't seriously dating, you can't really make demands. You CAN however choose how YOU act in that situation, and my opinion on that hasn't changed. Nobody can force me to go into his closet, for any reason.