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oregonbeaver

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So I've been reading these things for a few months, and everyone always says that there is no such thing as a straight guy who may be interested in guys--but thats what I consider myself...so in your response, if you have your mind made up on that, please just don't repeat it. I understand thats how some of you feel.

That being said, I consider myself "straight." However, I have looked at non-straight porn, and fooled around with some friends. At this time, I am interested in one of those friends, and would like to be more than just best friends who randomly hook up...however at the same time, I am also fooling around with three different girls. I would give them up to be serious with him.

However, it is with the idea of knowing that I could never tell people I was bi, and that later in my life that I want to get married and have kids. Also I have to be very careful because of the future I wish to have as a career.

I know this is unfair to him. He is my very best friend, and I know it may be unfair for him to be in a closet relationship with me. I've never thought of a relationship with a dude, but in college, who says it can't happen.

Anyway, what should I do. I have told him a few times, drunkenly, and he has responded this past week that he "loved me" and wanted me to figure out what I want. However, a few days later as I was trying to make it official with him, he then said he didn't want to be exclusive with anyone. So I got mad, stormed off, and went and hooked up with one of the girls I am hooking up with as retailiation.

Any advice from striaght guys, bi guys, or open minded gay guys is appreciated!
 
If you can't or won't commit to your friend don't play with him. You seem to have your sights set on a woman. He doesn't. Don't use him.
 
You sir, are definitely not "straight". Sorry to break it to you. For christ's sakes you're talking about being sexually attracted to dudes and wanting to be in a relationship with one. If you're straight then what the hell do you consider bi?!
 
So what do I do if I think that I can be in a relationship with him? Like if I am comfortable committing to him?
 
find someone who will be exclusive with you, someone that will give you what you need that this guy can't give you.
 
OK I have to agree that your not "straight," but I know where you are coming from when putting your self out there to the world. I'm going into a career where if I tell people that I like guys they would look at me in some different way. But getting to the point I think that he may feel that you could be playing games with him. Do you think that you could be in this relationship with him and just him? I would say give it time he'll come around if he loves you. This seems like it could be a great relationship in the making
 
Slips01 said:
OK I have to agree that your not "straight," but I know where you are coming from when putting your self out there to the world. I'm going into a career where if I tell people that I like guys they would look at me in some different way. But getting to the point I think that he may feel that you could be playing games with him. Do you think that you could be in this relationship with him and just him? I would say give it time he'll come around if he loves you. This seems like it could be a great relationship in the making
Click to expand...
Slips, thanks so much for that, and for the great answer. How should I convey this the best way? Its so hard to talk about it in person, and hard to find a time when we can be alone and just let it all out.
 
Oregon, you remind me of myself 20 years ago. I was in college, was horny for men and women, but would not let myself explore with men because that would make me "gay" and I was NOT gay (at least that is what I kept telling myself because of upbringing and career aspirations).

So I got married, had a kid, and the urge for sex with men did not go away. Fortunately, my former wife decided she did not want to be married to me, so I am now free to explore my attraction to men.

If I could give you any advice, it would be to explore all aspects of your sexuality NOW, while you are young and not in a committed relationship. And do NOT get into a committed relationship (or a marriage) with a woman if you find that you have a strong attraction to men - marriage will NOT make the urge go away.

Hope this makes sense - I would be happy to talk in more detail to share my experiences.
 
Well I'm not straight, bi or a gay guy but I am open minded so I hope you don't mind me responding.

I've been in a similar situation before but from the other guy's point of view. I was really in love with this person who wanted to be with
people of the opposite sex, and then all of a sudden the person decided they wanted to be with me instead. He might just be scared that you're not being sincere, that you'll run off to the girls when he's not looking. It doesn't mean that you have to give up girls forever if you're into them as well, only while you're with the guy. That goes for any couple - gay or straight (or bi) if you're in a monogamous relationship. So let him know that you're not gonna cheat on him.

You also mentioned that you don't want/can come out because you want to get married and have kids in the future. Well it of course depends on where you live but there are countries that allow same-sex marriages and a surrogate is an option. I'm not trying to push you, I'm just saying that just because a person is gay/bi doesn't mean that they can't build a family like straight couples do. I've also done research on same-sex couples having kids and there is nothing that says that two people of the same sex would be less suitable raising a child. Sure they might get teased about it as they grow older, but that's because some people are closed-minded and hopefully in the future they'll see things differently if they're educated about it.

I can see that you're worried about your future career, and I can't tell you what to do that's something you'll have to come to terms with yourself - if you want to be closeted or open about who you are. I can tell you though that there is nothing wrong about loving another human being, no matter what other people says. The next time you talk to him about this, don't - I repeat don't be drunk! He has to know that you're being sincere, no matter what your decision is.

Sorry that I couldn't help but I truly hope everything works out for you.

//Dennis (Je)
 
Dennis, that was a very insightful answer!
 
honestly, try to be open with your feelings. So what if you like this guy?
I, along with a number of other people, believe that most people are naturally bisexual but either repress it or find happiness with one person.
I think that if you really, really want this guy, then you have to go out of your way to tell him how you feel. Dont play games by sleeping around with women, you'll only confuse yourself and him in the process.
As far as work and life, please remember that there are always different options to meet the same goals. (adoption, same-sex marriage, etc...)
Hope this helps in some way.
 
oregonbeaver said:
So I've been reading these things for a few months, and everyone always says that there is no such thing as a straight guy who may be interested in guys--but thats what I consider myself...so in your response, if you have your mind made up on that, please just don't repeat it. I understand thats how some of you feel.

That being said, I consider myself "straight." However, I have looked at non-straight porn, and fooled around with some friends. At this time, I am interested in one of those friends, and would like to be more than just best friends who randomly hook up...however at the same time, I am also fooling around with three different girls. I would give them up to be serious with him.

However, it is with the idea of knowing that I could never tell people I was bi, and that later in my life that I want to get married and have kids. Also I have to be very careful because of the future I wish to have as a career.

I know this is unfair to him. He is my very best friend, and I know it may be unfair for him to be in a closet relationship with me. I've never thought of a relationship with a dude, but in college, who says it can't happen.

Anyway, what should I do. I have told him a few times, drunkenly, and he has responded this past week that he "loved me" and wanted me to figure out what I want. However, a few days later as I was trying to make it official with him, he then said he didn't want to be exclusive with anyone. So I got mad, stormed off, and went and hooked up with one of the girls I am hooking up with as retailiation.

Any advice from striaght guys, bi guys, or open minded gay guys is appreciated!
Click to expand...

you sound like you're making it a lot more complicated than it really is. you just need a fuck buddy that's a guy. and who says that the dude wants a relationship with you? he may just wanna fuck you. not trying to be harsh but just cutting to the chase. don't be selfish if in the end what you really want is a wife and kids. just have casual sex with dudes. no big deal.
 
Oregon just aski him to have lunch or dinner w/u and tell him, what you wrote here, that you are willing to leave everything behind for him!!! dude you sound like you really wanna be with him, just do everything u can to make it happen... Gosh i think i have a little crush on u jajajaja LOL...
 
So just a quick update--thanks for all of the nice responses.

I finally realized that it just wouldn't work--he's more in it for the sexual aspect, and while that was the original reason that I was interested, and went completely outside of my comfort zone, in the past few days I have figured out that I am over him--and I told him. We are still best friends, though he has been acting a little awkward over it. His loss.

However, at the same time, I have been messing around with someone else in my life, and it completely is throwing me for a loop. He's super gl, and I would think way out of my league. It just kinda happened, and its blowing my mind, but just as the same with the other guy, I think its unfair of me as a "straight guy" to be too involved with him because he is totally out and totally comfortable with it. How can I stay closeted, but be with him/possibly date him, while at the same time being fair to him to try to understand what he needs?

I guess I am answering my own question, but as it mores along I will probably try to address it and just hope and pray that he can be in a closeted relationship with me. I've fallen head over heels.
 
"It's always better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission."

Homie, you've fallen in love with two different guys in less than two weeks... are you alright? If your stories are even true, I really hope you work your shit out. Honestly, if you're capable of "falling in love" with a guy... then you're at least bisexual.

Why are you all of a sudden desiring to be in relationships with these guys? Is it some sortof answer or cure to feeling guilty about playing 3 girls and your best friend at the same time or something? Do you really think denying yourself the liberty and freedom of just being yourself and a lifetime of hiding is worth a somewhat progressed career in the long run? Your "very best friend" and you have been having sex... and you think he's "more in it for the sexual aspect"?? REALLY? c'mon man.... no fucking way. I could understand you being over him because of the new guy but if you think your friend isn't going to care about you diving head first into the arms of another guy.... then I want some of whatever the fuck it is you're smoking.
 
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