Problem:

[Jeimuzu]

I know a student who started dating one of her teachers as soon as she turned 16.

Just try flirting back and see where it goes. If you start dating when you finish school, that's good. I'd have no idea how to seduce an ex-teacher of mine, though.

Just try and talk to him on non-school related topics, if you see him in the corridors. Find a common interest, whether it be music, sports, whatever. Once you've got a conversation going, things flow easier. And if he doesn't already, make sure he always calls you by your first name.

 

[greyboy07]

Andantino,

Though it might seem that you're all clear as soon as you graduate, I wouldn't be surprised if teachers have a professional standard that prohibits relationships with former students. I'm not a teacher, but many other professionals (doctors, psychologists, drug treatment counselors, etc.) are prohibited or strongly discouraged from forming relationships with former clients. Any educators here who can talk about requirements for teachers?

 

[spreadeagle]

Do you know anything about his private life - for example, he might already be in a steady relationship. Are you out?

When you graduate you'll be an adult and no longer a student so the studen-teacher boundaries you mention will no longer apply. However, if you began a relationship with him and it became public knowledge the fact that he had been your teacher while you were still a minor would place his employment in jeopardy.

There's a big difference between a flirty crush and a relationship. So far your interactions have been restricted by the classroom scenario - you see him at set times for fixed periods while engaged on other tasks - everything is covert, imaginary, full of breathless expectation with no certainty - basically there is no substance to the relationship - he's simply a habit.

But I see nothing wrong with hoping that a friendship and perhaps more might continue after school, though relationships where there's a big age-gap face specific difficulties. Tell him, towards the last days of school, how much youve enjoyed having him as your teacher and that you hope you can go on being friends - be sincere - give him a card with your email or other contact details - the ball's in his court. Give it a month or so and if you don't hear from him, tough - at least you know you tried. Don't stalk him.

 

[Tommyboy69]

If you are attracted to him still after graduation I would say explore the possibilities. Lots of older guys are attracted to younger guys but are reluctant to make a move. I know if a younger guy came on to me I would be flattered and go for it. Some of us older guys get along great with younger guys and are actually really attracted to them but afraid to let it be known. Good luck my friend!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Andantino,

Welcome to JUB mate...its great to have you aboard. And mate, no one here will here will look down on you or think that your feelings arent real...thats just not the nature of this forum. Feel free to ask anything or post anything....

Theres a couple of things that I see here that make me concerned a little for you and the situation.

Its easy to confuse respect and admiration for someone - especially someone who with think a lot of and who is in a position of leadership - with more. And its doubly easy to confuse that feeling when you know something about him personally or privately that appeals to us - especially when its something like the fact hes gay. When the availability of something is right there in front of us just waiting to be taken so to speak we easily lose sight of some of the things that might normally hold us back. And my guess is that your not out..at least to many...and dont know anyone of your age or type who is??? So that makes it a pretty limited market...

Secondly mate...you need to consider his position and the consequences of any moves or actions you take. If his feelings are similar to yours there are still a lot of compelling arguments for him to want to keep them to himself. Whether or not its legal for you guys to have any sort of relationship will fade quickly in the eyes of his peers, the parents of his pupils and my guess the school boards and authorities. Its a sad fact that some professions are judged harshly on moral grounds and teachers are one of them. Any action he undertakes potentially risks his career and future....

Andantino, I believe in your feelings. I believe in the depth of them too. I know they are real, painful and confusing. But this is a situation of the big picture being very hard to ignore and making it extremely difficult for you to ignore. Certainly while you are under his tutelage I would suggest this is just a huge no no.

Take your own advice at the very least. Wait until you finish school...a least a few months after. See how you feel when you are not confronted by the forbidden fruit every day, see how you feel when life has opened up another world to you. If those feelings are still very real then arrange a time to talk to him outside of the school and just be open and honest with him. See how he feels.

But for now, you have to make the hard decision to hold it in...to keep it to yourself. Your future and his stand to be far happier without the scrutiny and moral judgements being thrust upon you by the world at large. No one needs that . And you my friend, sure dont deserve it.

 

[spreadeagle]

I'm not suggesting for a moment that you spill your guts and tell him you're desperately in love - merely that you'd like to stay in touch. Since school is finished this places him under no obligation to see you again unless he chooses to. If he does contact you then you have the opportunity to explore the relationship further, as adults, in private.

 

[colemanshs]

Dude, I say go for it after graduation. Keep it between you two if something does happen unless he's open with it. Good luck and let us know what happens.

And early congrats on the graduation!

 

[KennyD]

Well, once school is finished ... the teacher should have NO obligation to a student -teacher relationship ...

You might approach him about a "personal Problem" and when talking ask if he'd like to go to a movie or /and dinner some evening .... all he can say is "No" and then you'll know ...

Lack of Communication is why there aren't as many relationships as there could be !!

 

[hermanding]

andantino, after you're no longer associated with the school, you are free to do what you wish as far as contacting the teacher. if he says no, or goes into ethics or something, at least you tried.
ding

 

[looseliam]

I can't say one way or the other if you should or not. If you choose to, please wait until after you've finished school.

But keep this in mind. Let us say he is single. Let us say he goes for the younger lad. Will you just be this year's shag and then when another comes along next year, you're yesterday's toast?

 

[luminum]

Even though it won't put him in a real legal jeaopardy, it will put him in a social taboo. No matter what, you are never unaffiliated with the school. You will always be a former student who is being courted by his former teacher to others who know about the relationship and that may not make him comfortable.

But, at the same time, if he's okay with it, then it means that he doesn't care about the stigma and if you don't care, then go right ahead!

So my advice is to be aware that something will happen, though there's not much legally that can be done against him, and that you should let him know that you're interested. In the end, it's about whether or not he's willing to deal with possible stigma. If he's not, then you gotta forget it and look somewhere else. But if he's okay with it, then bingo! You win!