Question about coming out

[hothole724]

Hi everyone!

So i have a little story/question in need of advice from those who have come out. Currently, I'm out to my best friends that I met in college, but I'm yet to come out to my friends from High School and my family. Those of you who came out to their best (straight) friends and family, how did you go about doing it/bringing it up? It is definitely something I want to tell them so I can finally be 100% free to live my life. Thanks in advance!

 

[altlover85]

Hi everyone!

So i have a little story/question in need of advice from those who have come out. Currently, I'm out to my best friends that I met in college, but I'm yet to come out to my friends from High School and my family. Those of you who came out to their best (straight) friends and family, how did you go about doing it/bringing it up? It is definitely something I want to tell them so I can finally be 100% free to live my life. Thanks in advance!

I did it the same way you did for the most part. When I came out to some of my friends it was just through IM and email for the most part. I basically just said to them "I want to tell you something. I'm gay." and that was it.

With my parents it was more complicated. Once I started dating my first boyfriend they realized I was gay. There had been times I'd been caught with porn, but I denied it for a while and said I was bi instead.

I hope this helps!

 

[GhostMost]

With the friends who actually mattered in my life, I just shut them up and said, "I have some serious to say, I'm gay."
To the people I really didn't care all as much about I just told the people who knew to tell around school. But if anyone asks me specifically if I am then I'll be honest.

 

[rainman256]

I didn't come out until I was 30, so the friends I told in person I just said, "Hey, can I tell you something? This is something I struggled with for a long time, and finally accepted it for myself. You're a great friend and I wanted to share: I'm gay."

I said it similarly to my other friends that I came out to via email. One of my friends I emailed actually called me as soon as soon as he got the email and we had a great conversation.

When I told my parents, I stopped over there one night after work. I had been practicing what I was going to say all day and I was nervous as heck. 30 years old and I was shaking and my heart was pounding But there was a little lull, and I decided to go for it. I said, "Can I tell you something? I've struggled with this for a long time, but finally accepted it. I'm really nervous right now (then I nervously chuckled). But I guess I'll just come right out with it: I'm gay. (then I paused for a moment). I've known since I was 6 or 7, and it's taken me a long time to accept it. I was sick of living a lie, and..." I don't really remember what else I said but my parents were *amazing* about it. My mom jumped up and hugged me, and my dad was awesome. We talked for about it for an hour after that. Then it was life as normal. My dad says, "So I went to the hardware store today..." and carried on like normal.

Basically I thought about it a lot, developed a little script for myself (that made it easier for me) and just used that. It worked great.

Hopefully that helps a little...

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

I let friends and family be the first to ask me or hint to me if I was gay - I didn't announce it. My straight friends (years ago) asked me my opinion about gay marriage. I responded ..."as a gay man, I support gay marriage". "Say what?" they gasped. "You heard me... I have been gay for years, but has that really mattered in our friendship?"

Letting them know about my sexual identity in a less dramatic way gave me the power to control the message. I told my friends and family that nothing in our relationship will change from my perspective. Why should it? There is so much more to life than a person's sexual orientation. I don't ask them details about their sex lives, why do they need to know mine? Frankly, it is none of their business, or mine to theirs.

Maybe I am fortunate. I have not lost one friend or family member because I don't feel compelled to treat them any different when I was "happily" in the closet.

If your friends or family cannot accept your true identity (better to be a closeted hypocite - I think not) and turn a cold shoulder, fuck em! You, and we, have a right to our identity and happiness without worring about their acceptance hangups!

I predict once you are out to others, it will be no big deal.

Good luck buddy!

 

[twistedude]

As somebody who came out in his second year of college/university, but still kept (and still do have) close ties to many high school friends I may be able to offer some advice in this area. Basically I found myself in the same predicament you do where both High School friends and college friends were very separated (even though we all go to the same university)

I agree with SteveyBoyLA to a certain extent... realistically you don't have to make a big issue of it, infact, what really prompted me to come out was just a discussion about another friend, who had been out since we left high school. I just said something along the lines of "yeah, we regularly have discussions about our sexuality..." in a conversation with a few of them. A few people looked a bit weirdly at me, but the conversation continued unabated in other directions.

From there the rumor mill tackled the rest for me. Within about a month I bumped into a high school teacher who had heard about my 'coming out' as it were. I have only found one friend who hadn't found out through gossip. He made a gay joke at my expense which actually caused an awkward moment as everybody thought he was being rude, but when I said "You know I'm bisexual right?" he just got embarrassed and we all had a good laugh about it.

But I think this 'passive' coming out method works well. Where I live 90% of people couldn't care less if you are gay, straight, transgendered or whatever! Alot of people just 'get it' now, without me ever having to say "I'm bi" just based on what I say, like and do (although I don't have any classic 'gay attributes').

 

[OhReally]

I ended up just telling 1 girl who I knew, and she outed me to the entire school without me knowing. Done it for me which is kinda good if I look back on it. And for mum, I just sat her down and said "I'm gay" and we hugged. I think I got off pretty easy