Question about gay 'fuck friends'

[Tukuauren]

This is a bit of a strange question, but here goes.

Would you have casual sex with a friend you considered unatractive, not 'your type', or even normal looking? Honestly now, because me and a friend (we are both in the closet, but he has had many relationships while I'm a total virgin-well till recently anyway). He basically said that if I ever wanted to just fool around he is cool with it, and we did that one time. I completely screwed up and couldnt get an erection I was so nervous that I just ended up blowing, and jerking him, as well as me getting it in the rear end for the first time. He cummed pretty fast and said it was because I made so many noises (pleasure noises) easily.

The reason I asked the question however is just because I have a bit of an appearance complex. This is going to sound a little perplexing but I have a bit of an image issue. I use to be obese as a young kid/early teen, and worked hard to shape up and lose the weight, but my complex about me being unatractive has sort of stuck with me because I was always called a fatty when I was much younger and I suppose those thoughts just still stick with me. I'm not going to show a pic of myself and ask you how 'hot or not' I am but I would just like to know, how attractive does a person/friend have to be for you to want to have sex with him? This guy whom I have (and will) be messing around with is pretty good looking and I guess I just don't know what to think of all this...so I want your opinions.

Secondly, do relationships ever come out of casual 'fuck friends'? I mean, right now we aren't so close that I'd want a relationship with him, but if we did get closer, is it possible?

Thanks in advance!

 

[chobbs]

me - i've hooked up with guys that had i not been so horny at the time, i would generally find unattractive.

i bet most people have.

as far as real relationships coming out of sexual relationships, i feel that the chances are slim. in my experience it hasn't happened.

 

[drhladnjak]

A lot of people have this idea in their heads that fat or ugly people (first, they're not one and the same) have a lot less sex than skinny or pretty people. It's not really true at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and physical appearance is but one aspect of attraction. Confidence, friendliness and being generally interesting have a lot more to do with getting laid or finding a boyfriend than pure beauty.

Relationships do come out of sexual escapades now and then, but it's certainly not that common. When it does, it's usually a one night stand turning into something more rather than a regular fuck buddy relationship that evolves. At least that's what I've experienced personally and seen in my friends.

 

[AlinCanada]

Actually I think it evolves the other way good friends that then make a relationship and then enter sex make the long lasters. People that may be friends or hook up just for the sex stay hooked up for the sex sometimes with disasterous results.

 

[lmarr101]

I used to be a fatty when i was a kid.Then i got shaped up.After that because of that i became much more shallow like hatting fat people.But in time its effects gone off.I have a lot of relationships with other guys.Not just sex but serious relationships.Well, mostly sex.Some of my relationships were just about sex.So it is possible.(So sorry if i have faults in my English)

 

[Gooey45]

it would be southing to your soul if you posted a pick and you heard what people think of you , if people say you are hot which you most likely are your confidence will build up and little by little that self hate wll go away.

is like this ,being called fat made you have bad self image issues being called hot will make you have a positive view on yourself image. look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are so fucking hot train your mind and the confidence will come.Once tat confidence is there you will see that is not about looks is about how you carry yourself a cute guy who is always saying im so ugly becomes ugly.

 

[Tukuauren]

it would be southing to your soul if you posted a pick and you heard what people think of you , if people say you are hot which you most likely are your confidence will build up and little by little that self hate wll go away.

is like this ,being called fat made you have bad self image issues being called hot will make you have a positive view on yourself image. look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are so fucking hot train your mind and the confidence will come.Once tat confidence is there you will see that is not about looks is about how you carry yourself a cute guy who is always saying im so ugly becomes ugly.

Thanks for that. I think thats probably what I needed to hear about being self confident.
Well, alright, I will post three pictures, however I will take down one of them within 24 hours as it has people in it, and although they are all fine with it being put up online, I'd rather not risk anything.

(Btw, in the group pic, I'm second from the right. If I'm not clear in it, you can zoom in a second time by clicking on the enlarged pic for a bigger one...incase you didn't know)

http://photo.xanga.com/aurentuku/

Anyway, on another note, I find that this guy has been more or less avoiding me. I mean, we talk in class and all, and we seem cool except when I ask if he wants to hang out, he always gives an excuse, so I'm sort of at loss with what to do (I even clarify that I just mean to hang out, and not mess around incase he gets the wrong idea...). Anyway, it sort of hurts, but I guess I just have to think that he is the one losing in this situation if I want to go on living with myself, lol. I guess if he is doing that though, its a little shocking cuz he never really seemed like the type.

Also, thanks for all the other advice so far. However, I find it a little strange why someone would have sex he found unatractive, even if horny. I dunno about you guys, but I don't think I could ever willingly have sex with someone I found unatractive or unappealing to me...thats just me though. I suppose I will quit fooling around and look for a relationship elsewhere.

 

[sb]

Secondly, do relationships ever come out of casual 'fuck friends'? I mean, right now we aren't so close that I'd want a relationship with him, but if we did get closer, is it possible?

of course its possible.... heaps of relationships start off as no strings attached casual sex.

The reason I asked the question however is just because I have a bit of an appearance complex.

You will have to get over your appearance complex because you have nothing to worry about.

 

[Tukuauren]

of course its possible.... heaps of relationships start off as no strings attached casual sex.




You will have to get over your appearance complex because you have nothing to worry about.

Thanks so much for the words of reassurement. Unfortunately, as I said in my last post, this whole situation is affecting my state of mind (aka, I'm getting depressed, and having trouble sleeping at night. Heck I've even lost my sex drive...) so I'm just going to wait this out perhaps.

 

[drhladnjak]

Tukuauren, you're definitely a good looking guy! Not hot like a model, but hot like a real, cute guy next door, which if you ask me is way better anyways.

In particular, your big blue eyes really stand out.

Also, you're not fat.

 

[paboy67]

hey dude,

you are one definitely hot and cute guy.

as above, not model material, actually, no, on reflection, I think you could be.

not many of us do actually look like models.

to me you do have a cute boy next door - kinda Ferris Bueller - which turns me on anyway.

I'll bet that you are going to mature into an extremely handsome guy.

Fuck buddies - I have had just a few - one is my current BF - 6 years in a week or so.

Heaps of others who developed into really good friends.

admittedly, I have haven't ever fucked a friend - it could stuff up a friendship.

I reckon your mate is the one with a problem - so let him deal with it.

you need to haul yourself up - get over your 'fat' issues - you aren't and you look damned good - get out and meet some other people - build your self esteem.

let me ask, have you seen any negative comment about you i this thread?

 

[USEDCAR]

You are not ugly!!! You are really cute you look like a friend of mines

 

[NephilimSin]

Boy, what are you talking about? You are nice looking and you're not fat. Those negative thoughts should leave your head. It corrupts the mind. (like me for example)

 

[Tukuauren]

Not gonna lie, you guys comments really made my day! Seriously, I'm really feeling better about all this. Thanks all so freakin much for the compliments! Thats one thing, in real life people tell me all the time how they get eye fucked or flirted with and to be honest, I really haven't notice any of those things.

Regardless, thanks all for the support! It genuinely meant something great to me, so kudo's to you all!

Paboy67, your right, and thats exactly what I've been starting to tell myself concerning him. I will go out and meet some other people!

I'm honestly not the type to go out and fish for compliments like this, so thanks again!!! I will take these pics down later today (yeah, I'm a bit paranoid ), so thanks a heap jubers!!

 

[Lube]

Yes, you are good looking.

It sounds like you might be getting emotionally attached to this fuck buddy, he is noticing it and avoiding you. It's OK, it happens all the time, but the sooner your realize it the better.

Go find someone else to have a relationship with.

 

[paboy67]

hey Tuk,

good for you!

I meant also to say in my post above that for me at least, it isn't all looks. there is such a thing as a mind-fuck - and I mean in a good way, not someone fucking with your mind like your mate seems to be.

There is no point sleeping with an Adonis who is totally vacuous - and normally self centred goes along with that! - it is often just empty sex - and sometimes, that is all you need/want.

The best sex I have had has been with ordinaryily good looking or not so good looking guys (like myself) - but guys where you get a connection - and get into each others head a little (as well as into eachothers ass!)

onya dude - onwards and upwards

 

[shea]

Dude you are a hot, cute man. You have beautiful blue eyes
and smile. You really need to know that.
Good luck with your friend, let us know how it works out.
shea

 

[KaraBulut]

Tukuauren: do relationships ever come out of casual 'fuck friends'?

It can happen. But more often, the fear of emotional involvement causes problems with fuckbuddies.

One thing that you need to know is that guys are often weird after they have sex with someone- especially if that person is a friend or it is someone they see on a regular basis afterward.

They do it with girls. They do it with guys. Some of it is the "post-orgasmic regret" factor where they were horny, they got off and then realized they had sex with a friend just because they were horny. Sometimes it is because they are embarassed that they didn't perform well or because you now know what they look like naked. Sometimes is it because they are afraid of all the emotional crap that goes with having sex.

Lesson learned... it's a lot better to have sex with people that you are romantically interested in and who are mature enough to not get weirded out afterward. And with people who appreciate you for who you are instead of for what you have in your pants.

You're making an illogical leap connecting your friend's behavior with your self-doubts.

In other words, the problem is not you. There's nothing wrong with you. For an 18 year old, you're intellectually and emotionally ahead of the pack. The problem is the other guy.

 

[Tukuauren]

Tukuauren: do relationships ever come out of casual 'fuck friends'?

It can happen. But more often, the fear of emotional involvement causes problems with fuckbuddies.

One thing that you need to know is that guys are often weird after they have sex with someone- especially if that person is a friend or it is someone they see on a regular basis afterward.

They do it with girls. They do it with guys. Some of it is the "post-orgasmic regret" factor where they were horny, they got off and then realized they had sex with a friend just because they were horny. Sometimes it is because they are embarassed that they didn't perform well or because you now know what they look like naked. Sometimes is it because they are afraid of all the emotional crap that goes with having sex.

Lesson learned... it's a lot better to have sex with people that you are romantically interested in and who are mature enough to not get weirded out afterward. And with people who appreciate you for who you are instead of for what you have in your pants.

You're making an illogical leap connecting your friend's behavior with your self-doubts.

In other words, the problem is not you. There's nothing wrong with you. For an 18 year old, you're intellectually and emotionally ahead of the pack. The problem is the other guy.

That also seems likely kara. I mean, he would seem to avoided being with me this past week. However I think he may have come 'round to at least being friendly with me as he started sending me facebook messages again regarding hobbies we both have (but not talking about sex or what happened), and I'm getting a vibe that things are getting better. I mean, he seemed somewhat concerned that I didn't show up to class last friday when I was on a trip, so I guess thats a good sign right? Anyway, emotionally, I'm feeling better. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens next time we meet up in rl.

 

[KaraBulut]

and I'm getting a vibe that things are getting better. I mean, he seemed somewhat concerned that I didn't show up to class last friday when I was on a trip, so I guess thats a good sign right?

Don't spend too much time thinking about it. Just go back to being his friend like you were before.

You have a lot to offer any guy and you will find that there is no shortage of nice guys out there looking for love.