question about living together

[wastedtime]

I'll try and keep this short. My bf and I have been together for a year. We have been talking about him moving in with me. There is not a question about commitment or our relationship, the question/uncertainty is about the financial arrangement of this.

I own my home, he currently rents and apartment. His lease is up at the end of March. We both have good jobs and if we were both renting we would just split the rent. But how do we do this with a mortgage? I'm not ready to put him on the mortgage, and am not even sure if we could do that anyway. He thinks he should just set it up like he is paying rent. I think I would feel strange having him write me a rent check however, he's not a tennant he is my bf. Should we set up a contract? Am I overthinking this?

I guess I would just like to hear how others have handled this type of situation.

 

[BiMike]

No way should you consider getting your bf involved with your mortage until you have been actually living with him for sometime. Even then it may be difficult and certainly involve legal fees. However there is no problem with him contributing to your shared expenses of running your place. How you do this is up to you and to some extent the amount he pays you could take in to account your relative incomes. Since it appears you will not be dependant on his income to maintain your present standard of living it would not seem that any formal sort of agreement is required.
In cases where the sharing of expenses is necessary, some form of legal document is highly desirable, to avoid the guy responsible for the mortage being left high and dry if they fall out as partners! In your case a gentleman's agreement is all thats necessary so you know where you stand !
Best of luck , hope all goes well for you both!

 

[HunterM]

Yes, he should pay you for moving in with you to share expenses. It's not awkward at all. If I were to move back to live with my parents, I would expect to pay rent living in their house even though I'm their son. And I should because I'm able to make my own money.

I would not ask him to pay you more than what he's paying his current rent.

Just wanted to echo BiMike's advice. "No way should you consider getting your bf involved with your mortage." I would take it one step further. Don't even consider putting his name in your current finances. You should always have things in your own name (your own bank account, stock account)...even after you're married. Relationships come and go. If you feel compel to leave him something when you die, put him in your will to inherit your stuff. There's a very good reason for people to sign prenups before getting married nowaday.

Open a joint account with both of your names for building a future together.

 

[Seasoned]

Charge him rent and split the utilities. If you don't need the rent money, stash it in a separate account and use it towards his share of the house should you two decide on a lifetime committment. Don't tell him what you are doing regarding his rent money.

 

[Telstra]

"He thinks he should just set it up like he is paying rent."
He is right. He has to pay rent and share the cost of living such as bills.

Don't let him touch your mortgage ever.

 

[altlover85]

"He thinks he should just set it up like he is paying rent."
He is right. He has to pay rent and share the cost of living such as bills.

Don't let him touch your mortgage ever.

I think he can touch the mortgage if you two decide to get more serious, but for now I'd treat it as just helping you pay some bills since he's living with you.

 

[Ninja108]

Listen to what the others have said so far.
Having him pay rent, utlities is perfectly acceptable in my book but putting his name on your mortage is just asking for trouble.

 

[Eagle653]

When my partner and I got together, he moved into the house I owned from an apartment he rented. I did not put him on the mortgage--he simply wrote me a check each month for half the mortgage payment, and paid half the insurance when it was due, and we split the utilities 50/50. After about 6 or 7 years, I sold that house and we bought one together, each putting down half the down payment and we are both now on the mortgage.

Good luck and happy nesting!

 

[bankside]

I don't understand how people who are having sex think that shared banking responsibilities are too intimate or something.

I guess I do understand how people can be in different places financially, and that it takes time to synchronize. My guy and I built our savings together, bought a house together, and took on the mortgage together. Before that we were in "his" apartment. I say "his," because even though we were splitting the rent, he had it first, he picked it, and even though he only lived there for 8 months before I did, it always felt like his place.

If he's your boyfriend, it doesn't seem right to rent to him. I agree that it would just feel wrong. But it seems like you can handle the mortgage on your own salary. Maybe it would make more sense, instead of paying rent, for him to put money into a new joint account every month that would build up into a down payment for an upgraded house you could both buy together in a couple of years and truly feel was your shared property.

As a joint account it would be your asset too, which would treat your financial interests fairly. And it would allow him to make a contribution that would both move you ahead, in the same way that you pay a mortgage for the advantage of you both.

Oh, if you have the money, and if he truly loves the place and never wants to move, then maybe that joint account could help you buy a second property at some point. Maybe some land out in the country. Who knows. When you both decide to cash it out, that would be the time to transfer any property titles to joint ownership.

 

[wastedtime]

When my partner and I got together, he moved into the house I owned from an apartment he rented. I did not put him on the mortgage--he simply wrote me a check each month for half the mortgage payment, and paid half the insurance when it was due, and we split the utilities 50/50. After about 6 or 7 years, I sold that house and we bought one together, each putting down half the down payment and we are both now on the mortgage.

Good luck and happy nesting!

This is what I envision happening, want to happen. I'm a romantic and love happy endings.