Question for gay men

[markffd]

Hi,

I'm unsure of my sexual orientation.. I may very well be gay, I just wanted to compare some of my experiences with others here.

What are your feelings sexually towards women? Does kissing, fondling, etc turn you on at all? If you were to get a lap dance or a massage from a woman would there be any shred of eroticism? Would be able to have intercourse with a woman at all?

I dont mean to sound rude or offensive. I'm just trying to place my own orientation. Ive only been with women (many massage parlours, strips clubs, prostitutes) and I enjoyed the experiences.. in varying degrees. Sometimes it would turn me on a lot, othertimes less.

In terms of day to day life, I find the attraction I have for men to be more intense.. but the thought of sex with a man isnt really arrousing (I dont know what is anymore).

It's a very confusing, difficult time in my life.

thanks

 

[dunno260]

Hi,

I'm unsure of my sexual orientation.. I may very well be gay, I just wanted to compare some of my experiences with others here.

What are your feelings sexually towards women? Does kissing, fondling, etc turn you on at all? If you were to get a lap dance or a massage from a woman would there be any shred of eroticism? Would be able to have intercourse with a woman at all?

I dont mean to sound rude or offensive. I'm just trying to place my own orientation. Ive only been with women (many massage parlours, strips clubs, prostitutes) and I enjoyed the experiences.. in varying degrees. Sometimes it would turn me on a lot, othertimes less.

In terms of day to day life, I find the attraction I have for men to be more intense.. but the thought of sex with a man isnt really arrousing (I dont know what is anymore).

It's a very confusing, difficult time in my life.

thanks

Well I don't want to have sex with a woman, but I also don't think it would be an unpleasant experience either. I am not attracted to women, but I can see being turned on in those situations. Sex feels good.

Now, as far back as I had awareness of sexual attraction, mine has exclusively towards males.

 

[markffd]

Thanks for the info.

I was with a woman last summer in Brazil, and when we made out I would get aroused (erect). The times I had intercourse with women, and I admit they were all prostitutes, it didnt do a lot for me. All the other stuff was exciting and pleasurable.

I only found out I had feelings towards men around the age of 14 or 15. Up until that point I thought what I felt towards women was a sexual attraction.. it was something, but not the same intensity. Anyway, it was really devastating and I didnt tell anyone about it (that were'nt psychologists) until now at age 27.

In my late teens I found out I could get aroused by lap dances, frequented massage parlours, etc.. It's been a very confusing existance.

These days I try and fantasize about gay sex but it doesnt do much for me. When I see a guy I'm attracted to the main thing that I want is to make out basically.

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, welcome to JUB!

How do I feel about women? I like them. I can appreciate their beauty. I don't get sexually aroused by them, really, although if I were making out with one, I'd probably "warm up".

Have you watched gay porn? Does that do anything for you?

Lex

 

[markffd]

Gay porn does something.. all these years I never fantisized about two men going at it. Masturbating about it now doesnt do a lot.. but I think eventually I could get to like the idea, perhaps.

Over the course of my life (since adolescence) I felt attracted to men, and developed crushes on individuals. I didnt really ever actually think of doing anything with them. The feeling was just in the periphery, so to speak.

Incidently, I've been doing brazilian jiu jitsu for over 4 years. It's a grappling sport where youre rolling aroudn with other men. I never got aroused from that, but that's something different.

 

[markffd]

could you do that sport and not pop a woody?

 

[Eyghon]

I've never had any experiences with women. I think it would be perfectly fine kissing a woman - lips are lips after all. Don't know about arousal. As for intercourse, though I'm gay I imagine that heterosexual intercourse is something I could enjoy. Not something I'm inclined towards, but something I might experiment with if given the chance.

I can appreciate feminine beauty. If I see a hot woman, I may do a double take and say, "There's a beautiful woman!" But I'm not thinking about having sex with her. Those thoughts I save for men.

As far as your dilemma, everyone's sexuality is different. Hearing stories of other people might put your confusion in perspective, but ultimately, it'll be up to you to decide where you stand. My advice is not to be too hung up on labels. They're artificial. They don't mean anything. And pretty much everyone exists somewhere in the grey area in-between.

 

[breatheH20]

I agree, I can appreciate and admire a woman's beauty, but I've never been successful when it came to acting on it. I kiss my hot girl friends and stuff, just for kicks and partying. But, at the end of the day, I am attracted to men.

Always have, always will..

It just sort happened that way. I didn't completely rule out sex with women, my penis did that for me lol. I think if I had a threesome, with a guy and girl, that would totally fine with me (it'd probably be the only way I could get it up with a girl in the room).

 

[Brer Fox]

I am passingly attracted to women, but only on a purely physical basis, and only certain types of girls. I will become aroused by someone doing something overtly erotic, but my will to act on it is relatively low. I fantasize about it sometimes, but mostly just out of curiosity. I have been in more innocent sexual situations with girls and was sort of flat... it is like I think I might want to do it, but when it is right there the energy is not right. Most of my physical attraction is not directly 'female oriented,' either. Breasts do nothing for me, and all I get a reaction from are the curves and her ass, and there it is principally the anus. It is a strange thing, but then again sexuality is a mystery.

Men are totally different. I am aroused, but then I can very easily move in and make it happen. I have a deep emotional and mental connection to men that does not exist with women. I like women as friends, and I appreciate the beauty and the eroticism, but I would never make it with a female, unless she was one-in-a-Million, and even then I would stray to guys and I would not want to do that. That is why I will say I am gay.

As far as Brasilian Jiu-jitsu, I am an avid practitioner and instruct it near where I live. I have never had a problem with sexual thoughts, as I simply do not even think about it when I am rolling. My concentration is entirely on what I am doing. There was only one instance where I consciously slipped out of that mode and started thinking along the wrong lines. It was with one of my (adult!) students I was moderately attracted to (I am not trying to be creepy, but hey, it is going to happen) while we were in a particularly sexual situation (I had him in guard, which is basically missionary with me as the bottom, and he had my biceps pinned completely down and his face right over mine, sometimes called the 'friendship position.)

Other than that, no. But then again I am sort of blessed that we are a very small group and no one is there that I would consider 'hot' or close to my type. It might be very different otherwise, but one does not always think about sex. I always hate people that go and see serious movies and then gush about the actors or whatever. I am there to see a film... if I wanted hot guys and sex I would watch porn.

Mark, just let it flow buddy. It is wherever you are happiest, and wherever you feel you belong. If you do not feel comfortable with a woman, you might feel moreso with a man, or vice-versa. It can change radically based on your life experiences and how you have been raised. I remember a few years ago I thought two men kissing was terminally gross, and that homosexuality was a damnable sin, and all that, so much that I ignored what was really inside me. I came to realise it was not me talking, but the bullshit my society had programmed me to say.

 

[spreadeagle]

I think it's ill-advised to try and define yourself by comparing your experiences with those of other men. The danger lies in adopting a set of false expectations that may not really be appropriate for you.

Whatever erotic feelings you have are valid and if you have none that's fine too, after all - sex is not compulsory. It's possible to enjoy sexual interactions with women, with men, with both or with no-one and still be a perfectly sane, balanced and worthwhile human being.

We all adore you, whatever pushes your buttons.

 

[Dobson73]

Mark, just let it flow buddy. It is wherever you are happiest, and wherever you feel you belong. If you do not feel comfortable with a woman, you might feel more so with a man, or vice-versa. It can change radically based on your life experiences and how you have been raised. I remember a few years ago I thought two men kissing was terminally gross, and that homosexuality was a damnable sin, and all that, so much that I ignored what was really inside me. I came to realise it was not me talking, but the bullshit my society had programmed me to say.

I quite agree. Markffd, let it develop in it's on way. Trying to decide or come to terms with what is "right" can be tough. I thought I was attracted to girls and did whatI felt I should but nothing came of it. Nothing sturred in my brain and especially nothing in my crotch.

You say sex with a man isn't arousing in your original post but then you go on to say you try to fantasize about Gay sex. Why would you try to fantasize about men if it's not arousing? But you're going through what probably 99% of us have gone through in finding out who we are. It's a challanging and tough road but it has some extraordinary enlightening stretches. If that makes sense?

Sadly, Mate, none of us have the right answer for you. All I/we can say is, you're in good company, we understand your confusion and your attempts to make sense of everything you're feeling.

 

[thewiz]

Mark;

I would agree that comparing yourself to another person will often result in more confusion. You have to experiment and see which experience brings you happiness and pleasure.

First, don't confuse sex with satisfaction. Sex is a momentary thing in the whole scheme of a relationship. At times there will be more time spent on sex; at other times there will be less. Sometimes there may be none because of issues affecting or impacting the relationship. The Greeks probably had it right -- they gave three words to "love." Eros, philia, and agape: Eros is the quick sex or "erotica"; philia is the love of a relationship that brings on the passion and bonding or "Philadelphia" aka "brotherly love"; and agape which is total, unrestricted and encompassing love.

With that said, I was first attracted to guys when I was 12 or 13. I would fantasize over them and had my first relationship with one -- my brother-in-law's nephew. He was two years older and was probably gay as well. He and I had all the firsts -- kissing, sucking, jacking off, and ultimately fucking.

As I was growing up, the morals of how I was raised began to impact and I tried to "cure" myself. I dated girls and found kissing them enjoyable. It is funny that two of the girls I dated ended up coming out as lesbians after we got to college!

Anyway, I was never aroused sexually with them. I didn't mind kissing, making out, but sex just never happened. After I got out of school, I went into law enforcement and decided I could not be gay. The guy I had been seeing since I was 12 decided the same thing for he was going into corrections.

We both got married. When I kissed and made out I wasn't hugely aroused. If I thought about a guy while I was doing it, I was rock hard. I kept thinking this would go away at some point but it never did. It only got more frustrating.

Three years ago I decided I went to Chicago and went to a bathhouse and gay clubs. Wow....there was no doubt about getting aroused. I knew I was gay, I admitted it and have been happier than anytime in my life.

I have always been able to talk and bond with men more than women. While I have women friends and I have had great times with many of them; I always find the bond with men.

Have you ever kissed a man? Made out? Don't be surprised if the first time (after years of being with women) it is a little different at first.

I'm not sure where you are at or where you are from. You do seem to be having a lot of sex with prostitutes but no love affairs with women. You said you had a good experience on a non-sexual level with a man; you may want to find a lover who can take gentle steps with you.

 

[G-Lexington]

Surprising to see this thread after all this time.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

What are your feelings sexually towards women?

I certainly like them more than I like year old threads.

 

[Tizinsane]

lol!!!

Are you still around Mark?

Update us on your situation?