Questioning a friend

[FanofFiction]

I work with a guy who identifies as straight. To be honest I have always thought he was at least bi. He's a good looking guy, a few years younger than me. He will occasionally ask me questions about the mechanics of gay sex and about my sex life with my husband.

He's in great shape and is always fishing for compliments on his body. But tonight he asked weird questions like whether or not my husband and I have ever talked about his body or if we "like him that way".

Is he coming on or am I reading too much into it? He has got to be at least bi, right? How should I talk to him?

 

[bw92116]

Next time he asks questions like that, which clearly express interest sexually, make a date with him to come over and spend the night with you guys. Just say, "OK, come over this Saturday, and spend the night." Don't say any more. Be matter-of-fact about it. He'll probably be silent for a minute then he will just say yes or no.

Stop the compliments for a while. He's just looking for his ego to be stroked with that.

 

[BIMICHAEL4FUN]

Invite him over for drinks, to watch a ball game with you and your man, dinner, or really anything else...Maybe leave a gay porn video or gay magazine on the coffee table and see how it perks his interest. It sounds like he's persistent enough that he will steer the conversation towards your sexual interests and his body, and then, you can simply ask him to let you see more of his body or if he is interested in exploring his curiosities with you and your man...

Keep us posted...

 

[bw92116]

And we will of course want pictures and diagrams!

 

[FanofFiction]

Last night we were talking about gay bars. I was telling him about going with a few of my lady friends, hubby, and even some straight guy friends. We just like to go there and dance. We aren't drinkers, we just like going out.

He said he likes to dance too and that he'd like to hang out with all of us more. But then he let it slip that he couldn't trust himself at a gay bar.

I told him I'd grab his ass if I saw him at a gay bar. I wanted to see his reaction. He laughed and turned red. He didn't protest.

That was all that happened. I'm still not positive and don't want to suggest anything until I am certain. Also, I don't know for sure is my guy wants a threeway with him. I don't know how to ask my guy.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi FanofFiction,

I cannot tell you that he is bi or curious or whatever. I can tell you that this guy is not chickening that he is working together with you (an open gay with a husband), and that he is, -apparently- quite relaxed about his own sexual orientation.

I would be totally open to your husband. Tell him all about this workmate (likely you have already told your husband something about him), and tell your husband as well that this guy would like to go out with you (with both of you) to a gay bar.

I feel a tension you don't want to do this kind of things besides the back of your husband, so better be open to him.

I tend to advise you to invite your work-mate to go to a gay bar, together with you. or togeter with you and Husband. Why not introduce your work-mate to what's going on in a gaybar?

Maybe he is curious, but that still does not mean he must be bi or curious or gay or whatever.

Maybe he just want to try the water. How does it feel when dancing with a gay guy, when kissing a gay guy (and so on). Why not do him this favour by going to a gay bar with alot of other gays around?

You are partnered and you are his work-buddy as well, so that can make things abit complicated.

So why not go with him to a gaybar? Alot of gays over there, and maybe he will meet over there a nice gay (or one of your gay friends!) who is single?

Best wishes.

 

[Seasoned]

The two of you are working up to something that potentially affects your husband. As one married man to another, what advice would you be giving me if I wrote your op?

My short answer is, stop it!

 

[BiMike]

^ I agree with the above. He is certainly curious but likely to chicken out! He sounds like it could cause real problems with your partner, very dangerous waters, not worth the risks involved!

 

[FanofFiction]

Well, I have told my hubby about the things we've been saying to each other. So I have been quite honest about that. But I haven't exactly told him that I find him attractive; just well built.

Once upon a time, hubby did tell me that he would consider a threeway (with the right person). But I don't know how to bring this up to him.

For the record, I wouldn't play around without my hubby being there too. Like a once in a lifetime threeway. I wouldn't want to make a common occurance of it. And I wouldn't cheat.

I'd love to do a threeway... but have never done so before. I don't know how to go about setting it up. If my coworker is gay or bi... or whatever... I'd want to be sure before asking him. And I don't know how to bring it up to my guy... I suppose I'm scared of making it look like I'm bored with him (which I am not).

 

[FanofFiction]

Oh, and also, thank you everyone for the responses. I'm taking them all quite seriously. So thank you for your time and consideration.

 

[KevLINY]

I wouldn't. Threesomes are risky with someone who you know and will be around.

It's going to be unlikely that all three parties will be into it equally. What if you get obsessed with the coworker? He gets obsessed with you? Your husband and your coworker like each other a bit too much?

If you're doing a threesome, I'd recommend doing it on vacation with someone you're unlikely to see again or run into often. See how it goes with someone you're not going to run into every day afterwards.

 

[FanofFiction]

My friend has come out to me as bisexual... Despite how much I would love to experience a threeway, I am taking the advice of my fellow JUBBERS and not going for it. Maybe it is one of those things better left as a fantasy... Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

[AstareGod]

I think what happened would have been the best outcome. He's now out to you, and no doubt trusts you enough to tell you something like that. He's looking for new experiences, and is willing to accept your help in providing them to him. He sounds like a good guy from what you've told us. I don't see the harm in inviting him out to the bar, or over to you and your hubby's place, so he can get better acquainted and get the answers he needs.

 

[Puckzilla]

My friend has come out to me as bisexual... Despite how much I would love to experience a threeway, I am taking the advice of my fellow JUBBERS and not going for it. Maybe it is one of those things better left as a fantasy... Thanks for the replies, guys.

Great decision. Aside from how it may effect your relationship, it's probably not a good idea to do anything with someone you work with, that could end up causing all sorts of problems on the career front/

 

[FanofFiction]

Thanks again guys, I feel good about the decision.

Well, the other day we were working together and he was again asking me questions about all things gay. He was really interested in knowing about same sex relationships and gender roles. I offered to lend him some movies, he accepted. Later that evening he called me, somewhat emotional, and we talked about his sexuality.

He's a great guy. I'm sure he'll make somebody a good boyfriend one day.