Questioning my gayness...

[secondmonkey]

Hmmm...where to begin...

I wasn't really comfortable being gay and meeting with guys until about 2 years ago. As it is now I'm fine with the "gay" label and have come out to a few people, and hooked up with a handfull of guys.

That said, I'm not finding it all that enjoyable having sex with guys. I'm not interested in girls, not even a tiny little bit. And to be interested in a guy, he has to meet very strict requirements, and be near my age, otherwise I'm no more interested than a straight man would be.

Here's my confusion:
When I'm by myself, looking at porn, I very much enjoy watching guys go at it, and imagining myself in their positions. Jacking off takes less than 5 minutes. When I'm watching, I WANT a cute guy to suck my cock, and I want to suck his.

Last night, I hooked up with a very cute 20 year old, who easily meets my "requirements". We sucked each other off, and I was in one of those porn scenes that I like so much. Even so, I took FOREVER to cum, and when I did it wasn't that great. Sucking him off was more of returning the favor than actually enjoying it. He wanted to rim me but I didn't want to, and I'm not the slgithest bit interested in any anal activity.

Now, I know "making love" and "having sex" are two totally different things, but, as a horny 22 year old with no moral qualms about sex, shouldn't I enjoy both? I feel like I'm almost only half way gay. Anybody else feel like that or have any advice to offer? I feel like maybe I should see a shrink about this but I would be TOTALLY uncomfortable talking about this kind of stuff...

 

[WYSIWYG]

you do not say how many times you have been with a guy in your post. Sometimes seeing gay porn, or straight porn for that matter gets someone hot and horny, but when it comes to real life the excitement disappears.

Maybe your "strick requirements" has something to do with your let down. Maybe your "strick requirements" are getting in the way...you know the sexiest, handsomest guy that fits your "strick requirements" is only that!

I am just the opposite of you. Porn does nothing for me, but being with a man in real life turns me on in a big way!

And since your looking for sex instead of a relationship, maybe that is where the problem might be. You think you only want to conquer as many men as you can, but mentally looking for that love connection....

Of course all of these thoughts are just made up since I know nothing about you.

 

[discoTETRIS]

Hmmm...where to begin...

I wasn't really comfortable being gay and meeting with guys until about 2 years ago. As it is now I'm fine with the "gay" label and have come out to a few people, and hooked up with a handfull of guys.

That said, I'm not finding it all that enjoyable having sex with guys. I'm not interested in girls, not even a tiny little bit. And to be interested in a guy, he has to meet very strict requirements, and be near my age, otherwise I'm no more interested than a straight man would be.

Here's my confusion:
When I'm by myself, looking at porn, I very much enjoy watching guys go at it, and imagining myself in their positions. Jacking off takes less than 5 minutes. When I'm watching, I WANT a cute guy to suck my cock, and I want to suck his.

Last night, I hooked up with a very cute 20 year old, who easily meets my "requirements". We sucked each other off, and I was in one of those porn scenes that I like so much. Even so, I took FOREVER to cum, and when I did it wasn't that great. Sucking him off was more of returning the favor than actually enjoying it. He wanted to rim me but I didn't want to, and I'm not the slgithest bit interested in any anal activity.

Now, I know "making love" and "having sex" are two totally different things, but, as a horny 22 year old with no moral qualms about sex, shouldn't I enjoy both? I feel like I'm almost only half way gay. Anybody else feel like that or have any advice to offer? I feel like maybe I should see a shrink about this but I would be TOTALLY uncomfortable talking about this kind of stuff...

I am in the same boat as you! I FEEL THE SAME EXACT WAY!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

The single most important sexual organ of your body is actually in between your ears. It is your brain. That is where by far, most of it happens.

We are all individuals. Very few dudes at the age 22 are not horny, but that does not go on to say that all of the horny ones can have enjoyable and fulfilling sex with anyone, whom they find attractive.

Quite a few people do not find it fully satisfying to simply play around and bust their nut with another hot dude and then move on. Many do. There is no inherent virtue in keeping a massive scoreboard, unless you decide that this the right thing for you and that this is what floats your boat and cranks up your tractor, so to say.

One of the primary functions of sex is to allow you to communicate with your partner(s) and do the same first and foremost with yourself. You have just discovered that what may very well have worked out for me, does not do much for you at all. You are not the part of the general stereotype. Cool.

Basically, you have two major sets of options here, keeping in mind that the one certainly does not exclude the other.

#1
You want to start the search for the missing component(s) in your sexual experience. Keep in mind that porno does not quite truthfully represent the actual reality of human sexual relations. Arousing and titillating as it may be, it is not a video tutorial to real life.

You want to start exploring different scenarios: how about making it more on the romantic note with the hot dude, movies (even at home), and some dinner with or without candlelight.

How about a party with other dudes, where you put your moves on and hunt down your man and take him to your bedroom to have your 'evil ways' with him. (Jus kiddin about the evil ways.)

How about a spicier environment? Winter lodge, in front of the fireplace? After a day of skiing together? Somewhere outdoors, of course, within the limits of the law.

There are hundreds of scenarios, when you come to think about them. You know yourself and you know best, where to look for the scenario or set of roles, toys, etc., that'll suit you best.

You want to talk completely freely with your imagination.

#2
You may want to recognize the fact that sex can often be compared with food. At times, we all get to enjoy a great meal. Home-cooked, made with love and great care and expertise. Or done by a great chef in a very fancy restaurant. And yeah, ever so often, most people choose to pop up a bottle of Bolly, DP or Crystal plus a great vintage to go with it. And it turns into a great, memorable experience.

For the most part, the food is just what it is. Basically good. It nourishes your body and gives you a moderate feeling of satisfaction. You enjoy it, for what it is worth and move on. You recognize that you like it and enjoy it and you make the best of it.

---
Feel free to PVT, if you think that I might be able to help you in any way.
SC

 

[jockboy01]

Totally feel the same way. I think it really does have to do with the fact that you don't have a real connection with the hookup. That's my theory anyway. But I totally understand you and you're not abnormal in any way imo. SilverRRcloud has great points

And I'm moving this to coming out and relationships as you'll get more advice there.

 

[pausanias_usa]

Yea, it felt "empty" to me at that age, too. The 20s seem to be a period of overall exploration, without any "settling down" to it, at least in the first half. By the end of the second I was certainly looking for a LTR -- and being in one made all the difference!

 

[G-Lexington]

Roughly 50% of gay men "rarely" or "never" have anal sex, so not being interested in anal doesn't really mean much one way or the other.

2nd, maybe you should try something out. For the next week or so, masturbate without porn. Instead, let your mind wander to whatever it wants. Open your brain up to whatever fantasies come to mind. What gets you hottest? And see how specific you get. Not just "I want to blow a guy". How do you want him to react when you blow him? What do you want to happen next? Where do you want it to take place - the hotel, the beach, on the roof of your place? And what KIND of guy? Again, not just "a hot guy" - is he muscular? Is he dominating? Is he someone you're in a relationship with, or some stranger you picked up?

I don't mean to imply that all the answers you seek will be there. Just because you get off on, say, Asian guys right now means that you'll always do so, or that you can only get off with Asians. But I've found taking a break from porn and letting my mind do some work can reveal things.

Lex

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Just because we're all gay doesn't mean we are cookie cutter images of one another.
Some guys are solely top or bottom, some are solely oral or anal etc.
Some love to whore around and some need a relationship to enjoy sex fully.
There isn't an ultimate yardstick of one accepted sexual behavior.
You're still young enough to find your niche.
Experiment a little more and don't be overly selective, you might be passing up a golden opportunity.
Just play safe.

 

[Alive and Free]

Maybe you are longing for a deeper connection to somone when you are hooking up.

 

[JOHN B]

There is more to being gay (and sexuality all together) than just "sex". Maybe you just aren't a sexual person. I know someone who is gay, but is just turned off by "sex" in general. So, don't let the "I don't really like sex" thing confuse you about your sexuality.

 

[Roland00]

let me guess you are also shy?

 

[rareboy]

Sex shouldn't be considered to last forever if it takes longer than 5 minutes. There's also more to it than sucking someone off.

Try to imagine an entire night with only one orgasm after about 6 hours of foreplay. If you find you can't remain 'connected' to the event because you're only thinking about the outcome, as it were, you are doomed to denying yourself all the pleasure of getting there.

Just remember that in real sex, there is no editing.