Quite Lonely

[Zildjian]

Well, I lied to myself, and called Rob tonight - he wouldn't pick up.

Guys, I'm really, very lonely. My phone hasn't rung, and right now, I'm just sitting here at home ALL by myself.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

I really feel like killing myself.

 

[EvilForce]

Well, I lied to myself, and called Rob tonight - he wouldn't pick up.

Guys, I'm really, very lonely. My phone hasn't rung, and right now, I'm just sitting here at home ALL by myself.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

I really feel like killing myself.

Learn to be alone. It goes hand in hand with learning to like/love yourself. You expect others to fill the void you have, the void you create. You feel empty, so want to be distracted. If someone isn't around, you're forced to look at yourself and your life.

 

[Eagle653]

I realize that there's a difference between feeling like killing one's self, and actually doing it. But, even "feeling like it" is an even more stark reminder of why you're heading into therapy next week.

Even though it may not be clear to you right now, you have much to live for. And, there are people who care about you. Never lose sight of that.

Distract yourself by doing something interesting--go watch TV or go for a walk, or go to a restaurant and be around people who aren't as sad as you are right now.
There are times when people just aren't available to us (like the guy you called). The issue isn't that--the issue is how you deal with it.

 

[Zildjian]

There are times when people just aren't available to us (like the guy you called). The issue isn't that--the issue is how you deal with it.

Yeah, I know. But, I feel that he's avoiding me now, because he may not directly want to tell me to 'part ways' from him.

I sent him an email earlier this week that he hasn't responded to, he didn't respond to my IM's sent yesterday, and now he's not answering his phone.

I hate this. I fucking hate this. I wish I could just forget about him and all this damn stress and mental torment this has caused me. Why can't I just be happy? Why is it that I only get to talk to him once per month?

 

[Telstra]

Well, I lied to myself, and called Rob tonight - he wouldn't pick up.

Guys, I'm really, very lonely. My phone hasn't rung, and right now, I'm just sitting here at home ALL by myself.

I wish I had someone to talk to.
]

hey, are you busy?

if not, why not go out doing something? gardening, hobbies, painting, libraries .... etc

 

[Eagle653]

I hate this. I fucking hate this. I wish I could just forget about him and all this damn stress and mental torment this has caused me. Why can't I just be happy? Why is it that I only get to talk to him once per month?

I think anyone who has ever lost a friend, or gone through a break up, will understand, completely what you wrote.

It sounds trite, but it takes time. It begins by saying to yourself things like "It's not worth it; HE'S not worth it." etc. Then, you reconstruct your life without him in it. That's easier if you decide to remove all contact with him--not only do you not call him, you don't accept calls from him either. You literally wash him out of your hair.

Then, time passes and you find you have a life now. And, it doesn't revolve around him, whether you can see him, whether he'll answer his phone or your emails. It won't matter anymore because he won't matter anymore.

It won't happen tomorrow or next week. But, time does take care of this.

 

[Zildjian]

I think anyone who has ever lost a friend, or gone through a break up, will understand, completely what you wrote.

It sounds trite, but it takes time. It begins by saying to yourself things like "It's not worth it; HE'S not worth it." etc. Then, you reconstruct your life without him in it. That's easier if you decide to remove all contact with him--not only do you not call him, you don't accept calls from him either. You literally wash him out of your hair.

Then, time passes and you find you have a life now. And, it doesn't revolve around him, whether you can see him, whether he'll answer his phone or your emails. It won't matter anymore because he won't matter anymore.

It won't happen tomorrow or next week. But, time does take care of this.

I see.

Well, if I'm going to start 'forgetting' about him, then I'll need to cancel the phone line (so he can't call me AND so I can stop checking the damn voicemail to see if he's called me), block him from sending me emails, etc.

Or should I wait until the beginning of next week to do all that in case I'm being irrational, and he doesn't have a motive to 'avoid' me?

 

[texan_slant]

I know that it won't seem like it, but happiness is really a choice - something that comes from within. Find something - ANYTHING - that might possibly make you feel warm inside right now.

Music, TV, a good memory, photograph, a teddy bear - ANYTHING.

To be very honest with you, the Fun/Games thread on JUB is pretty whimsical sometimes...http://www.justusboys.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=24

 

[954dude]

Wrong attitude. Never give someone that amount of power over you. So what if he doesn't answer? You have other things to do with your life.

Will you choose to be miserable? Or will you go after the good side of life and have fun?

 

[Zildjian]

Wrong attitude. Never give someone that amount of power over you. So what if he doesn't answer? You have other things to do with your life.

Will you choose to be miserable? Or will you go after the good side of life and have fun?

That's the point. I don't have anything or anyone else going on in my life.

But, I am going to try to call him again tommorow afternoon. If he doesn't answer, then I'm cutting all ties because obviously something's wrong.

I just don't get it. Is his 'avoidance' of me just in my head? I thought things were good between us now.

 

[954dude]

That's the point. I don't have anything or anyone else going on in my life.

But, I am going to try to call him again tommorow afternoon. If he doesn't answer, then I'm cutting all ties because obviously something's wrong.

I just don't get it. Is his 'avoidance' of me just in my head? I thought things were good between us now.

Look, two years ago, I was in your situation. It's your mindset that's hindering you from enjoying life. If there's NO ONE in your life, then go out there, meet some new people or reconnect with some. Social activities and communication are vital for survival in this world. Depression never heals when the person has no active lifestyle or social network.

Whether he is busy or not, focus on YOU. Something is wrong with YOU. Now YOU need to put yourself first and fix it. YOU are what matters.

 

[LotusOnBuddha]

I'm going to be a little harsh.

No One is so busy that they can not return a text, and email or a phone call to someone they care about in a timely fashion. If a call/text/email isnt returned with in 48 hours it's a pretty good indicator that they arent interested in you. I

t sucks, and its not fair but it happens. There are rare circumstances where the person may be some where very remote like....Antarctica, however thats a pretty slim chance. If a guy is into you, they will get back to you as soon as they can, even going out of their way to try and get in touch with you. If they arent into you, they vanish.

And we've all been in your shoes till we learned better.

Don't /wrists he's not worth it. You deserve someone who appreciates your time as much as you appreciate theirs.

 

[Zildjian]

I'm going to be a little harsh.

No One is so busy that they can not return a text, and email or a phone call to someone they care about in a timely fashion. If a call/text/email isnt returned with in 48 hours it's a pretty good indicator that they arent interested in you.

Don't /wrists he's not worth it. You deserve someone who appreciates your time as much as you appreciate theirs.

You're absolutely right. So I sent him a friendly email asking him to let me know if I bother him (per below):

Hey Rob,

How ya doin'? I trust you're doing well.

Hey, let me know if you don't me to call you anymore, so I don't bother you anymore. Ok?

Have a good weekend!

I didn't think I was 'bothering' him as in annoying him. Heck, I only sent him one IM this week ("Hi"), and made one phone call (just to see how he was doing).

Perhaps I was 'smothering' him. I hope he replies to this email so I can get on with my life and start forgetting about him (if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore).

 

[Zildjian]

And he responds:

Hey, how's it going?

Why do you say that? If it's because I didnt answer your call last night I was on my flight back to boston so didnt get your message until I got in and I just passed out. Today I was working all day, but dont know why you would think I dont want to talk to you anymore. You're not bothering me!

So, to save my ass, I reply:

Oops. Sorry Rob!...lol. I was sending my sister (the one in Denton) a joke email, and I put your email address (and your name) in here by accident. She was mad at me for picking her up from school today, since my mom and I hung out today in downtown. My sister wanted to join, but I really didn't have the energy to drive all that way.

Sorry about that man. I guess that's a sign the joke's on me....lol

Have a good one.

 

[LotusOnBuddha]

And he responds:



So, to save my ass, I reply:

this is not highschool, you dont have to "save your ass." Tell him the truth. His not responding bothered you.

 

[Zildjian]

how would a message addressed to rob be a joke email to your sister, unless rob's stupid he saw right through that lie. you constantly associate him not returning messages with him not being interested, but what does it say about you that you've lied to him?? i've cut friends off before for telling one single lie because it's a complete breakdown of trust and people who really care about someone don't lie to them. i really wanna see you come out of this darkness but i'm not convinced that you want to. i've seen things like this before where people WANT to be unhappy, so they take simple situations and overdramatize them as much as they can to be able to play the beloved victim card. the things you post on here make it almost seem as if you don't want to be happy. happiness is a state of mind, there's no secret potion or magic to it. i've seen people grow up with 7 siblings in 2 bedroom apartments in crime-ridden neighborhoods but they carry their heads high as if they're millionaires. i used to volunteer at a rape-victim center and some of those girls were so full of life you could see past the black eyes, bruised lips to hearts that were made of gold and strong. happiness isn't something that happens when the right guy comes along, its a CHOICE. for as long as i've been reading your posts you've been choosing to be unhappy and i don't know you well enough to understand why, but i genuinely hope you find your way

PS from rob's perspective, i've had people who cursed me out if i didn't respond to their text message in 3.5 seconds or less, and people who sent me messages like "if you don't want me talking to you just say so". it's melodramatic and makes people want to run quickly to the exit door. that kind of talk is overbearing and overwhelming and noone wants to deal with that kind of drama, having to worry if their friend is drowning themselves in a bathtub because they didn't respond to an AIM

First of all, I wasn't dramatic in my initial email to him about not responding to my phone call. I waited until the next day, and sent a friendly email politely asking him to let me know if I was an annoyance.

There was nothing dramatic about it at all.

I appreciate your comments. I 'lied' to Rob about that email to lighten the mood, as I didn't want him to think I was being irrational. I explained to him that I mistakingly sent that email to him as a bit of sarcasm addressed to my sister.

It worked. We had a delightful conversation today, so things are FINALLY ok with both of us. He even told me that he's seeing someone where he lives. You know what? I was glad for him.

So now, I can finally let him go and stop obsessing over him. I won't be contacting him by email, chat, or phone. We're still friends. Whenever he comes back to Dallas and if he's interested in hanging out, I would be more than glad to. Otherwise, I'm not going to be an overbearing nutcase like before, and fortunately, he never saw any of it (except you guys here on the forum).

I'm so glad this is all resolved!

 

[EvilForce]

STOP SENDING EMAILS!!!!!!!!!!

How many times must I say this? You CANNOT build a relationship sending texts or emails. If it's so important to "text" him, pick up the phone and call.

Aaargh!

 

[texan_slant]

I'm so glad this is all resolved!

Not so quick! The only resolution here is to see that therapist. I agree with everyone here, and all those emails sound much too clingy. From your perspective, it might seem normal, but trust me, it's NOT.

 

[Zildjian]

if it truly is resolved, then kudos to you and i'm glad its over. the most pressing statement you made is that you didn't want to seem irrational, though i must point out that every one of your posts on this site are extremely irrational. i think ending contact with him is barely scratching the surface of your problem, there's something deeper there

No. I said that I didn't want my email to Rob to seem irrational - thus the need to 'lie' about it and divert his mind.

 

[Zildjian]

Not so quick! The only resolution here is to see that therapist. I agree with everyone here, and all those emails sound much too clingy. From your perspective, it might seem normal, but trust me, it's NOT.

Yes, I'm still going to see the therapist. I was referring to having a great last conversation with Rob with being successful in showing him that friendly, intelligent side of me.

By the way, there were only two emails sent. I'm not sure if I would call them 'clingy'.