R.s.v.p/Invited, No Show [Merged]

[Danugh]

Invited Somewhere/ No show

Has anyone been invited somewhere and the person asked you to come and you tell them you'll try to come when you really have no intention in going.

However the next day or day after that you see them.

How awkward would that be.

It happened to me today. The guy didnt bring up the fact that i didnt come he talked to me normal but i felt a lil wierd, usually if you know you'll never see the person again then its ok but if you see them the next day after you were a no show id imagine it'd be a lil awkward.

 

[Nonimus]

Re: Invited Somewhere/ No show

Yeah, C0n0rm does it to me on a regular basis.

 

[190E]

Re: Invited Somewhere/ No show

I cant say as I've evr done that, that I can recall, if I'm going to do it, I usually call them and have a damn good excuse, I kinda think it's rude.

 

[metta]

Re: Invited Somewhere/ No show

I don't play games with people. I expect them to be honest with me as well or I don't want them in my life. No flakes in my life....don't have time for them.

 

[buzzj]

Re: Invited Somewhere/ No show

I'm pretty good about saying "No, thanks" when I get an invitation like that... it sure saves on later embarrassment!!

 

[justsimon]

Re: Invited Somewhere/ No show

If I'm not planning on going or don't know, I'll say so. It's rude not to.

 

[Danugh]

Have you ever been invited somewhere by someone and you told them that you would try and come to the function or party or whatever, but you knew very well that you had no intention of going, even though you told them you’d try?

That happened to me 2 days ago, and today I ran into the person that invited me and let me tell you it was awkward. The person didn’t say “Newboy12 why didn’t you show up, you told me you would”, instead they talked to me regular not about the function just general stuff, but it was so weird for me talking to them because I felt kinda bad , well not really bad just uncomfortable. Although I didn’t say I would definitely come I said id try ah well what’s done is done.

 

[Pegasus69]

Re: R.s.v.p

If you knew you had no intention of showing why not be honest and just say "Thank you, but I cannot make it."? Then you avoid all of the awkwardness of the next meeting. Seems pretty simple to me. Or were you hedging your bets "just in case" something else did not come up and you had something else to do.....?

 

[tx_doc]

Re: R.s.v.p

Never had that problem. I don't want to go somewhere, I just tell people "No thanks." Or whatever else. It's alot easier than trying to remember a lie.

 

[metta]

Re: R.s.v.p

I responded this to the original post....in case you can't find it...here is the link:
http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115878

 

[frankfrank]

Re: R.s.v.p

There are four options, and ONLY four oiptions, if I get such an invitation.

(1) If I KNOW that my scheduling permits me to attend or meet, I'll say that I'm promising as best I can, barring an emergency.
(2) If I KNOW that I CANNOT get there as scheduled, I will always say so, and pass along my best wishes for a good-time-for-all as well.
(3) If I am not sure, I'll say so, and I will promise to try and resolve it yes-or-no as quickly as I can (and let them know).
(4) Sometimes I may not even see the RSVP invitation before the event, in which case I'll TRY to apologize for not getting back to them on it. Sadly this doesn't always get done, though, as sometimes it gets lost in the suffle. The very nature of big trips (the usual cause of me not seeing something in time) means that I come home to stacks of mail, and things may not get done as I wish.

 

[Danugh]

Re: R.s.v.p

I responded this to the original post....in case you can't find it...here is the link:
http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115878

Ooops sorry i totally lapsed on this one. You know apart of me said i posted already but i forgot, my bad, ill try not to make it happen again, im having a bad day.

 

[Danugh]

Re: R.s.v.p

Guys a friend just called me and invited me somehwhere but would you believe i turned him down because the thing he wants me to go to is the same time my TV show is on . I feel horrible am i bad person, that just addicted to good TV. I think i should call him back and tell him i can make it after all because he is at a low point in his life and i think he was reaching out to me and i closed the door. Ok i know i asked you what i should do but i think i already know the right thing to do.

I sm going to chrck to see that my show will be rebroadcast later on in the week and once i confirm that i will call my friend and tell him i can make it after all.

What was life like before cable and the cellphone but i guess thats y they invented TIVO because there are so many good shows on TV these days you cant help but get hooked.

 

[frankfrank]

Re: R.s.v.p

Newboy12, PLEASE be there for your friend. He definitely needs you to be there. Having somebody reach out to you when they're low, is actually something never to be taken lightly. Way, way too many people - when they're blue or feeling sad or fighting against circumstances - simply close themselves off from everybody, and suffer in silence. Under the worst cirumstances, this can be very dangerous for the person who chooses not to interact due to feeling bad about things.

I'm guessing you're talking about one of those TV shows that aren't self-contained stories, but where each episode impinges on the next - such as 24, Lost or Survivor. These shows are very popular, Newboy12...are you sure you don't know anybody who can record it for you? Maybe even your friend is capable of recording it for you.

Do try your best to work around this, please - you'll end up thanking yourself later for doing so, as well. At the very least, your friend is suffering, and he wants your company. It could be more important than any of us imagine - and especially if he doesn't have many friends. Keep us posted.

 

[cocktales]

Re: R.s.v.p

Remember, only YOU can control "awkward moments" after accepting RSVPs and then blowing it off by NOT goin....

Do the right thing(s)...........either say NO if you know you canNOT make it, or say maybe and then just apologize for NOT making it to the function...

Don't be rude!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Re: R.s.v.p

Nope. I simply say, Nope. Sorry. I can't make it. If anyone is offended or hurt, that's sad and that's their problem, not mine.

If I want to go. I say, Yup. I'll do it and I do it.

I try to be there for my friends. But I consider this very carefully. I do the things and go to the places, coz I have my own reasons for it. I never expect any reciprocation or even any gratitude. I am not into trading favors and bookkeeping them.

So, if you feel, I did something for you, feel free to acknowledge that and if you feel, you should show gratitude, do so. But never feel obliged in any sense of the word.

I'd do the same.

SC

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Re: R.s.v.p

It takes time, money and planning to throw a party.
One of the things needed by the host, is an accurate headcount.
If you don't want to go, make up a white lie if necessary.
If you accept the invitation and then something comes up, call the host and explain that you won't be attending afterall.
It's not rocket science, it's just good manners.

 

[Swellegant]

This is one of those situations where a little white lie lubricates the social wheels and keeps us all humming smoothly.

Scenario 1: Assuming that you have absolutely no intention of going to the party at all, you say "I'd love to come, but I have a [work thing, family event, KKK meeting, VD clinic appointment, whatever], so I won't be able to make it." Never say it's to watch TV, because that's tacky as fuck. Unless it's the Oscars... all bets are off for the Oscars. Nevertheless, offer to meet with your friend for lunch or coffee or drinks instead, since it's your fault you couldn't make it; if it was a birthday or anniversary or other gift-giving party, give the gift that you would (should) have brought to the party.

Scenario 2: You think you might show up, so you accept the invitation, but you end up deciding not to go because you'd rather see your TV show. In that case, you cover yourself in sackcloth and ashes and apologize like there's no tomorrow. "I'm SO sorry! I really wanted to come to your party, but I totally spaced out on the time! Let me make it up to you by (a) taking you out to lunch/coffee/drinks or (b) giving you this lovely gift!" Again, don't mention the TV show except as a lame excuse for your own social stupidity in forgetting to attend the party.

But the best scenario is to record your silly TV show and go to the party. No man is so rich in friends that he can afford to throw one away.

Except for the Oscars, of course .

 

[Danugh]

Thanks alot guys for the "great" adivce (please note the sarcasm)

I didnt want to go, but then you all talking about friendship this and friendship that so then today i emailed him and told him id go. Then he just called he and we made plans to go.

However you might be saying whats the big deal? The big deal is that it isnt a free concert. The tickets are 50 dollars a pop. I thought it was a free concert, i dont want him paying for me, thats messed up. And then i couldnt back out of it 2 times. I can't afford 50 dollars at this time worse when i dont even want to go to the damn thing. I dont want him paying 50 dollars so i can go to this thing that i am not even interested in.

For one its too much money , second he is my friend but i dont want no man paying for me. He insisted on paying.

$100 thats crazy i fee like crap now. I do not want to go through with, but what can i do now i cant cancel again. Damn if no money was involved i woildnt have a problem with it but i do not want him paying for me, it sets a bad pressident.

I feel sick.

You know what infuture i dont give a crap what anybody had to say about whats going on in my life because it does a person no good to second guess themselves.

 

[Swellegant]

Okay, first, you need to tell him you don't want to go before he pays $100 for the tickets. Second, you need to tell him exactly why you don't want him paying for the tickets, same as you told us: you don't have the money and you don't feel comfortable letting him pay for you. Third, suggest some alternate entertainment that you both might enjoy.

If he insists, even though he knows it's making you uncomfortable, then there's something wrong in the relationship and you might have to end it. Either way, timely and honest communication is key, making your feelings not just known but understood is very important, and taking a proactive stance in your friendship is absolutely essential.