R.s.v.p/Invited, No Show [Merged]

[RationalLunacy]

The person didn’t say “Newboy12 why didn’t you show up, you told me you would”......

Did you really expect them to address you as "Newboy12"?

 

[Danugh]

Okay, first, you need to tell him you don't want to go before he pays $100 for the tickets. Second, you need to tell him exactly why you don't want him paying for the tickets, same as you told us: you don't have the money and you don't feel comfortable letting him pay for you. Third, suggest some alternate entertainment that you both might enjoy.

If he insists, even though he knows it's making you uncomfortable, then there's something wrong in the relationship and you might have to end it. Either way, timely and honest communication is key, making your feelings not just known but understood is very important, and taking a proactive stance in your friendship is absolutely essential.

I dont think i can cancel on him again id feel worse, but i really cannot have him paying for me. Why did i send him that email. I feel if i cancel on him again it could ruin the friendship, but i cant be paying 50 dollars that i dont have to go to this thing nor can i have him paying for me. He is a cool guy and he was reaching out to me.

What to do what to do...

Ok ok ok ok if i tell him flat out that i dont want him to pay for the tickets, you know what i am not going, i am going to email him and tell him i cant make again although i know itll ruin the friendship, but i do not feel goof about this, besides on the upside i can watch my TV show.

 

[Swellegant]

I dont think i can cancel on him again [...]
What to do what to do...

Telling your friend that you can't afford the ticket and feel very uncomfortable letting him pay for it... this is not the same thing as cancelling or saying you can't go. Like I said before, communicate! Tell him the truth.

And the follow-up is to suggest some other entertainment that you can afford. That is what I meant by being proactive: you have to take an active part in the friendship, not just passively agreeing to do what he wants or passive-aggressively lying your way out of doing what he wants. That's not how a healthy friendship works.

Are there any free concerts going on that night? How about a cheap concert? Some funky little out-of-the-way kind of thing? Or maybe he'd enjoy just hanging out with you at home... maybe he'd like to watch your show with you. You can always ask. The important thing is to make an effort and to communicate with your friend.

 

[frankfrank]

Newboy12, if this is really an issue (yeah, I guess it is), I'm sure that there will be a time that you can "pay him back" somehow with a favor. Look at it this way - he values your presence so much that he's buying the concert ticket that you can't afford, for no otherr reason than to have you there to share it with him. He may also have something he desperately needs to talk to you about. "Paying him back" can mean that you're there for him if he needs to talk about something as well, and you in turn make yourself available.

Of course it's also possible that an alternative (that doesn't involve so much money) is available and agreeable, as Robert~Marlene said. If the final result is that he does indeed pay for both tickets (can you contribute PART of it for him, perhaps? - that might lessen your uneasiness.), the worst thing would be if you go only to the concert with him, and then refuse to stick around if he wants/needs to talk about something.

When does this event happen? Is it over the weekend? I guess, then, that means you guys still have some time to work things out. It wouldn't hurt, at all, to make a comment to him something like "Going to the concert is nice, and I feel flattered that you are willing to actually buy my way in as well, but the most important thing is hanging out with you, if you want to do that instead."

This is my feelings only, and may not work in all situations, so I certainly hope for more ideas in this thread. Anyway, I hope the evening works in a good way. In fact, if you guys end up just hanging out and talking, it might even be possible to watch the TV show as well...introducing him to it might even "hook" a new convert. Wouldn't that be great if you two decided to watch the show together every week?

 

[Danugh]

Its done. I just sent him a message saying i dont feel comfortale with him paying for me , however whenever he wants to talk ill be here for him.

Wow i can just imagine how awkward things are going to be between us now.

Ah well.