Really weird question

[DanikShade]

Do we have any May-December relationships going on here on JUB? I ask because a few months ago I met a guy that I sort of just gelled with but he's pretty young. I'm 42 and he's 22. I've enjoyed his company and his sense of humor but I've kept it on the friend level deliberately because frankly we have a bit of a generation gap thing going lol. Until recentlyI had no idea who LinkinPark was and really didn't give a damn if I ever figured it out. I would be the Classic Rock type thank you ver much

So anyway Parker is not even coy about the idea that he'd like to move into a higher level of relationship and although I can see the advantages I can also see this as setting ourselves up for knocking some heads over things.

Any of you guys have a relationship going with a much younger/older guy? Advice please?

Thanks,

Doc

-- I'm still not sure why a hot swimmer type would want an older graying bear, I guess this is why I'm having issues with the idea. I tried to tell him that hot young guys are supposed to dig other hot young guys lol.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Why not just lay your cards on the table? "I'm interested in you physically, but I'm concerned that our lack of common ground is going to be a problem." It may be he just wants to get more physical with you, and not necessarily wants a full-on "partnership". May as well find out.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Attraction is a very individual thing. If you want to know why this guy is attracted to older guys, ask him.

There's a whole group of guys who love silverdaddies. You might have just found yourself one.

 

[DanikShade]

It just seems a bit alien to me since my brain doesn't really work that way lol. I've asked him point blank and he's a little evasive about it.

 

[Eagle653]

I'm still not sure why a hot swimmer type would want an older graying bear, I guess this is why I'm having issues with the idea. I tried to tell him that hot young guys are supposed to dig other hot young guys lol.

I think this might be your stumbling block with him. Perhaps you are not your own type, or perhaps you can't understand why someone like him would be so into someone like you.

At the same time, you seem to be realistic about generational differences that you perceive as obstacles, and can't believe that he wouldn't see those eventually himself.

As far as the first issue, I think it's important that you understand why he's into you. Maybe he's into older guys, maybe he finds you mature and charming, maybe there's one or more things about your personality that he's fallen for. As long as you don't understand his attraction, you're not going to believe in it...that it's for real.

I'd probe him about that and get a sense of his triggers and values. He ought to be able to articulate why he loves you. If it makes sense and seems plausible, then accept it at face value and feel loved.

The other issue is more for YOU to reflect on, and that's generational differences. Normally, despite "attractions" and "types" and all that, 22 year olds are different than 42 year olds. Sometimes the differences are striking, such as language, music, movies, and what's considered "fun." Sometimes there's enough overlap for relationship-viability, and sometimes there's not and it becomes increasingly glaring as the physical novelty wears off. Only you (or you two) can decide if there's enough commonality there to sustain it in the long haul.

Good luck to you both. I hope things work out well! Let us know what happens.

 

[Artisticboy89]

I can't really speak for your generation but growing up in today's society I learned to look at relationships open minded. There is pressure to date your own age but (and to quote a show I despise) sometimes you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

From your word choice it seems less that you fear lack of connection and more that you feel that your not good enough for him. Remember physical appearance is only part of who you are not all of it.

 

[DanikShade]

I think a lot of it is me. You have to remember that a lot of us that are older than oh say 30 or so grew up in times that were different for our kind. A lot of that BS still floats around in my head and its really hard sometimes to be as open as the younger guys are now. Parker is fearless, which is extremely attractive, but its really hard for me to be the same. Yes I realize thats an excuse but its also true. I still turn red when I get kissed in public lol.

I don't think the differences are so stacked against us that I can't get past them but I really wasn't looking when he came along and now Im playing catch up if that makes sense.