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Recently came out, and would like to share my story.

T

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Hi everyone.
I have been here lurking around for years... posting around 2-3 threads since i became a member. at that time, i didn't really accepted that I am gay. I know being gay is difficult because society treats us, LGBT, unfairly. That is why i have chosen to seclude myself and never talked about my sexuality. But by the time when i was 25, I started to explore a little bit about myself being gay. I should say I had all my firsts... first kiss, first sex, first relationship... I just had to go through life being gay with insecurities and confusion. Then, I chose to pursue my graduate studies here in the US with the reason of furthering my career and a chance find myself as I live away from my family, and from the society i grew up with. Online dating has been dreadful, as I have realized that Asian men are usually at the bottom pile in terms of dating desirability. Then, i stumbled upon a 22 year-old guy 50 miles away from me, had a relationship and were in love. He loved me, and I loved him. After two years, I broke it off since our fights were getting worse... I felt i was babysitting, and didn't really grow in the relationship. I know deep inside I love him, and I still do.... that's why I decided to let him go. Then, I went for the first time, in 29 years of my life, to a bar alone through a meetup for gays around the area. Made a couple of friends, and met a guy that i have a total crush on! I'm not really sure of how to approach it, but i guess i am taking my time to get to know him without pressuring the situation. Last few days ago, i decided to tell my mother, siblings and close friends that I am gay. My mother didn't take it so lightly, and was trying to convince that I might change. My brother wasn't happy either, though my younger brother and my younger sister was happy for me. I couldn't tell my dad, because he has long been in denial about me being gay. My close friends i made here in the US was surprised but told me that everything is the same. After all this, the one thing i immediately felt was the sense of being free. Free from fear, free from pretending, and free from useless worrying. Freedom to be myself. Hopefully I get the share what i have found in me with the people in my life. I do hope things will get better. I may sometimes feel lonely, depressed and sad for being alone. But I'm trying to love myself and be happy in moments of silence and solitude. So here I am, patiently searching and waiting for the right guy..

Thank you for reading.(!)(!)(!)

KenIMG_2116.jpg
 
Congratulations, Ken, on accepting yourself and sharing it with family and friends. As you say, there will be ups and downs throughout your life, however it is the same for anyone of any persuasion. Being and feeling free is exhilarating and gives you that chance to grow even more into adult life. Take it slow in searching for a relationship. It will happen when the time is right. Keep us up to date in your progress.

Craiger
 
Is that a photo of you, Ken? I like your looks.

I am of Oriental roots, and it is not easy for those with our culture and upbringing. Coming out is a path of no return and I think you are brave to have taken it.

I am of the opinion that love is not easy to find, but one has to be patient. Do circulate and make friends, if it is thus fated your loved one will come one day. Meanwhile, take care and be careful.

I do wish you well.
 
Thanks Craiger for your kind advice. A wise friend told me, that i should just focus on taking care of and loving myself so other guys will notice my happiness and would want to be a part of it. I'm turning 30, and social pressures dictate I should be married and have kids by now. Time flies by so fast, and I'm just afraid that I'll be left behind. And being gay, youth is critical to one's desirability. But yes, it would be difficult to date and be with a guy just out of convenience. Tried it, and always end up fighting.
 
Yhtang, yes. that's me! :) It took me years to figure that out, so I'm pretty sure it's a decision not made at whim. I am relatively new to the gay scene, and being here in cow country Connecticut doesn't help at all for that quest! But yes, I need to be patient and learn how to live with what I have, and change things that I can. Thank you for your kind words.
 
Congrats on coming out Ken---it's never easy and I was lucky to have a progressive Italian american family who accepted me right from the beginning. The more you love yourself the more other's will love you. You're a good looking guy with a positive personality so you shouldn't have any problems moving forward except for the regular life problems we all have. ;)
 
Congratulations! I'm happy to hear that you feel "lighter" after coming out. It will provide you with more support in the future especially with friends and your younger siblings. Good for you! Best wishes.
 
Do tell us more even if it's painful, please. You can't control others, but you can take control of yourself. You did the right thing by not lying and hiding. Your father is wrong and, for now, refuses to educate himself. Hopefully, your younger siblings will continue to provide support and a familial connection. I'm sorry.
 
A sad note to read, Ken. However, hopefully as time goes by your father will relent and accept you. For me, I find it difficult in understanding how, in this day and age, old world tradition still has such a grip on society. I have a Muslim friend who had tried to come out to his family, but they will not accept it and his mother has actually stated that she will have nothing to do with him if he pursues this type of lifestyle. He is her youngest and only son. Choices are difficult and a loss of family connection can be devastating, but if you are to survive in this world, you have to be you own individual. Your family cannot and should not control your life. Be strong and keep that positive attitude and you will succeed. My best to you.

Craiger
 
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