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Sigh...where to begin?
I suppose it all started with the crazy panic attacks a few months ago. I've dealt with severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, but these panic attacks were so extreme that I was absolutely terrified I was slipping into full-blown psychosis. After a solid month or so of searching for a head doctor to help treat me, I finally found one. I was prescribed Celexa and Adderall.
Soon after that things got stranger. I began having weird bodily ticks, heavy sweating, anxiety, and it was just all very alarming. Finally, my family forced me to go to the hospital. By the time I got there I was delirious. Shaking all over the hospital bed, mumbling random gibberish. Sweating so profusely that my I soaked everything around me. The doctors and nurses asked questions, ran tests, and I thought I had had a bad reaction to my medications...until they declared that I had a fever of 109. Apparently the fever had been what had been causing my delirium.
So anyway, they rushed me over to the major hospital where I remained weak and bed bound for a week. I could barely eat, and had lost 20 lbs. in about a month without realizing it. Doctors, nurses, and family floated in and out of the room, and I floated in and out of consciousness. Eventually one morning a doctor came in and rather coldly informed me that they had run some tests and found that I was anemic, had syphilis, had a thyroid condition, and was HIV positive. I was deflated and numb after that.
Following my release from the hospital I had no energy, fevers kept reoccurring, and I was so depressed. I went for follow up appointments at my local clinic, which was both a blessing and a curse. They could treat my conditions, but very little of what the hospital "professionals" had told me was correct.
Firstly, the syphilis had not been completely treated so I had to deal with that. Also, they discovered I had gonorrhea, so there was that. Then they found at the clinic that I did not in fact have a thyroid condition, but rather severely low testosterone, which contributes to depression, low energy, and mood. Then I discovered that although they tested me for herpes at the hospital, nothing showed up, but low and behold they inform me I have Herpes 2. Great. And then the big bang: my HIV wasn't merely HIV at all. My numbers were so bad that I had already fallen into the category of suffering from AIDS. It took a month to find all of this out. I feel like my body is ruined.
I'll be starting treatment this week officially. I had joined a website called POZ.com, but they took it upon themselves to ban me because they felt that the questions they were peppering me with on the forums regarding my numbers were not being answered quickly enough, so therefore I MUST have been some kind of troll. So they banned me from the forum stating they did not believe I am affected by HIV at all. Wow. My whole world is falling apart and they thought I was a boy crying wolf.
I barely know where to turn anymore. This is all too much. Too much.
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
I suppose it all started with the crazy panic attacks a few months ago. I've dealt with severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, but these panic attacks were so extreme that I was absolutely terrified I was slipping into full-blown psychosis. After a solid month or so of searching for a head doctor to help treat me, I finally found one. I was prescribed Celexa and Adderall.
Soon after that things got stranger. I began having weird bodily ticks, heavy sweating, anxiety, and it was just all very alarming. Finally, my family forced me to go to the hospital. By the time I got there I was delirious. Shaking all over the hospital bed, mumbling random gibberish. Sweating so profusely that my I soaked everything around me. The doctors and nurses asked questions, ran tests, and I thought I had had a bad reaction to my medications...until they declared that I had a fever of 109. Apparently the fever had been what had been causing my delirium.
So anyway, they rushed me over to the major hospital where I remained weak and bed bound for a week. I could barely eat, and had lost 20 lbs. in about a month without realizing it. Doctors, nurses, and family floated in and out of the room, and I floated in and out of consciousness. Eventually one morning a doctor came in and rather coldly informed me that they had run some tests and found that I was anemic, had syphilis, had a thyroid condition, and was HIV positive. I was deflated and numb after that.
Following my release from the hospital I had no energy, fevers kept reoccurring, and I was so depressed. I went for follow up appointments at my local clinic, which was both a blessing and a curse. They could treat my conditions, but very little of what the hospital "professionals" had told me was correct.
Firstly, the syphilis had not been completely treated so I had to deal with that. Also, they discovered I had gonorrhea, so there was that. Then they found at the clinic that I did not in fact have a thyroid condition, but rather severely low testosterone, which contributes to depression, low energy, and mood. Then I discovered that although they tested me for herpes at the hospital, nothing showed up, but low and behold they inform me I have Herpes 2. Great. And then the big bang: my HIV wasn't merely HIV at all. My numbers were so bad that I had already fallen into the category of suffering from AIDS. It took a month to find all of this out. I feel like my body is ruined.
I'll be starting treatment this week officially. I had joined a website called POZ.com, but they took it upon themselves to ban me because they felt that the questions they were peppering me with on the forums regarding my numbers were not being answered quickly enough, so therefore I MUST have been some kind of troll. So they banned me from the forum stating they did not believe I am affected by HIV at all. Wow. My whole world is falling apart and they thought I was a boy crying wolf.
I barely know where to turn anymore. This is all too much. Too much.
