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Relationship advice needed!

briefs4me

briefs4me

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Guys,

Here's my dilemma. I have been seeing this guy for a year now. I'm 32 and he's 28. I really fell for him quickly. Possibly too quickly. I spend a lot of time traveling for work so basically we have really been "together" for a few months. My problem is that he drives me crazy. He's constantly calling me and when I don't answer he keeps calling every minute. I have had as much as 30 missed calls from him in a 20 minute period. He talks sometimes like a little kid and makes these annoying noises.

Also, I am always paying his bills. This has been a huge thing for me. I have enough problems paying my bills but he keeps asking for help with is car payment, tuition, gas, rent, etc. I wouldn't mind it so much but it happens every month. I am always paying for dinner, groceries, and any little thing he wants. I even paid for Christmas presents for his family. We went on a cruise together last year and I basically paid for everything. I feel like he is using me for money.

He keeps making plans for us eveytime I come home. I don't mind this so much but when I come home from a job, it takes me a few days to adjust and sometimes I just don't want to do anything. It also seems like he parades me around in front of his friends and coworkers like I'm a trophy. I'm just not into this and I have talked to him about it to no avail.

Maybe I'm just being selfish here but I have noticed that I seem to be happier when I am alone.

Honestly, I'd like to end the relationship but not sure how to do it without completely destroying his feelings.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated even if I am off my rocker...
 
briefs4me said:
Guys,

Here's my dilemma. I have been seeing this guy for a year now. I'm 32 and he's 28. I really fell for him quickly. Possibly too quickly. I spend a lot of time traveling for work so basically we have really been "together" for a few months. My problem is that he drives me crazy. He's constantly calling me and when I don't answer he keeps calling every minute. I have had as much as 30 missed calls from him in a 20 minute period. He talks sometimes like a little kid and makes these annoying noises.

Also, I am always paying his bills. This has been a huge thing for me. I have enough problems paying my bills but he keeps asking for help with is car payment, tuition, gas, rent, etc. I wouldn't mind it so much but it happens every month. I am always paying for dinner, groceries, and any little thing he wants. I even paid for Christmas presents for his family. We went on a cruise together last year and I basically paid for everything. I feel like he is using me for money.

He keeps making plans for us eveytime I come home. I don't mind this so much but when I come home from a job, it takes me a few days to adjust and sometimes I just don't want to do anything. It also seems like he parades me around in front of his friends and coworkers like I'm a trophy. I'm just not into this and I have talked to him about it to no avail.

Maybe I'm just being selfish here but I have noticed that I seem to be happier when I am alone.

Honestly, I'd like to end the relationship but not sure how to do it without completely destroying his feelings.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated even if I am off my rocker...
Click to expand...

It sounds toxic to me.

What has he said when you've tried to talk to him?

If you're thinking about leaving him, you might explain to him the behavior you don't like, but things like his talking like a kid I would leave out. You want to focus on the main issues, like the financial inequality and the constant calling.

Good luck and I'm sorry you have to be in such a crappy situation.
 
From what you have said he sounds incredibly needy. I was in a relationship with a guy that I was nuts about. He used me at every turn. They can be so lovable and charming and also infuriating. For my 2 cents worth it seems you are going to have to have a serious talk about what you have said to us, to him. I have a feeling he doesn't take much of anything very seriously. I checked your gallery. You're one great looking dude and obviously a sensitive soul. But you have to take care of yourself first. Just tell him you are having a hard enough time meeting your own finances and can't take care of his too. If he care's anything for you hopefully he'll get wise if not he will bolt when the ATM closes down. Hope this may have helped a bit.

Take care of yourself(*8*)
Dio
 
Diodorus said:
Just tell him you are having a hard enough time meeting your own finances and can't take care of his too. If he care's anything for you hopefully he'll get wise if not he will bolt when the ATM closes down.
Click to expand...

Sounded like he landed you as his sugar daddy. ^This is a great approach to break the news. Focus on financial objectives. If you can't afford to pay for his expenses, tell him and stop. Otherwise, you will continue to enable his financial dependence on you.

Good luck man!
 
Thanks for the replies...

I have actually talked to him about his finances. He keeps saying how he will pay me back but nothing has happened. He is very high maintenance. I know that I'm no angel either but I can at least pay my bills without relying on anyone else. This is my biggest gripe. He seems very caring but I'm just not sure.

Not sure if it makes any difference but we have nothing in common. I like sports and he like the Golden Girls. I'm 6'4 and he's 5'7. They say opposites attract but apparently my attraction has faded. There really aren't any feelings there anymore. I just got home a few days ago after spending 6 months on the road. I did come home for Christmas though. I have avoided his calls because I just wanted to unwind at home alone. I think I will call him later today and have a talk with him.
 
If you two have nothing in common...then it's difficult to bond. Yep, the relationship has run its course. It's time to break it off then. The sooner the better.
 
briefs4me said:
Thanks for the replies...

I have actually talked to him about his finances. He keeps saying how he will pay me back but nothing has happened. He is very high maintenance. I know that I'm no angel either but I can at least pay my bills without relying on anyone else. This is my biggest gripe. He seems very caring but I'm just not sure.

Not sure if it makes any difference but we have nothing in common. I like sports and he like the Golden Girls. I'm 6'4 and he's 5'7. They say opposites attract but apparently my attraction has faded. There really aren't any feelings there anymore. I just got home a few days ago after spending 6 months on the road. I did come home for Christmas though. I have avoided his calls because I just wanted to unwind at home alone. I think I will call him later today and have a talk with him.
Click to expand...

If you were on the road for six months and I were him, I'd probably feel a bit needy too. How much time did you see him while you were on the road?

I want to make it clear that I'm not saying that his being needy entitles him to be able to take advantage of you financially, but rather pointing out that 6 months on the road sounds like a long time, especially for a one year long relationship.
 
Dump him, you are his "sugar daddy." He is just using you.
 
altlover85 said:
If you were on the road for six months and I were him, I'd probably feel a bit needy too. How much time did you see him while you were on the road?

I want to make it clear that I'm not saying that his being needy entitles him to be able to take advantage of you financially, but rather pointing out that 6 months on the road sounds like a long time, especially for a one year long relationship.
Click to expand...

It was roughly six months. I did come home for a few days for Thanksgiving and 10 days for Christmas. He knew going in that I would be traveling and he seemed ok with it. He said he wanted to come see me but I knew that I would have to pay for the plane ticket. Now that I keep mentioning the money issue, I really feel like a sugar daddy and that is NOT what I want!
 
There's a lot going on here.

One thing that you didn't mention was why you were with him to begin with. What attracted you? Why have you put up with it for a year- especially for 6 months of paying bills for him when it sounds like you weren't getting anything (like sex, affection, etc) during that time.
 
It sounds like he is happy in the relationship and you are not. In any kind of relationship, some people will always use others for their selfish wants and needs. Try withholding your financial support and stop letting him use you emotionally and see how long he remains happy. He is not interested in giving to you what you give to him. That's not a loving relationship...that's not even friendship.
 
I don't thing this one is worth the effort. It doesn't sound like you share a place, but does he have a key. I'm a bit worried firvyour safety and the safety if your property. Good luck to you. No more bill paying, please.
 
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