Relationship Advice Needed

[briefs4me]

I desperately need some advice from you guys. I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. It has been rocky at best. We seem to fight constantly and its usually about money. He is always asking me for money. I am 35 and he is 31. I am not rich by any means but I can pay my bills. He seems to be living way beyond his means and always falls back on me to help him out. I didn't mind this in the beginning. Some people go through rough times and I wanted to help. 4 years later this has not changed. I took him on 2 cruises, paid his car payment for a year, paid his insurance for a year, gave him rent money, paid for his tuition, paid his cell phone bill, bought his entire family Christmas presents, bought him 2 computers, 4 cameras, countless clothing items and other things. Maybe I have gone too far. My job is great and I love it but it also requires me to travel. I can be gone from home for months at a time and I told him this when we first met. He said it was fine. Every time I go away, I always seem to have to give him money to make it through the month. He has a job, says it pays very good and that he will pay me back. I have yet to see a dime. He commutes 2 hours each way to and from work. I have tried to tell him he needs to move closer to his job and then he accuses me of trying to get rid of him. We just got into another argument the other day when he said he wants a new laptop. And a desktop. I told him no. Then he got mad and said I always throw the money issue in his face. Meanwhile I just put $5,000 into my truck (new paint, parts, and accessories) which I had saved for over a year to do. He got mad at me for that. I know I have not been the perfect boyfriend and he says I'm not romantic enough. He has been verbally and physically abusive towards me. I have gone through very strong bouts of depression lately mainly because I just want to be happy but I'm not getting any satisfaction from him. I have treated him like a king. I've tried to break it off with him but then he begs and says things will change so I gave him another chance. Now he has heart problems. I think he is obsessed with me and just wants to be in a relationship just to say he has a boyfriend. I'm at the end of my rope. Any advice? Should I just knuckle under again or kick him to the curb?

 

[vidarr]

Ask him for money and see what kind of response you get.

It sounds like he wants to squeeze every penny out of you. I'd try to sell some of the stuff you already bought and get the hell out of there.

 

[hylas]

Jeez, I'm gonna be blunt, you sound like a total doormat. And no, he doesn't stay with you "just so he can say he's in arelationship"; he's staying with you because you're his source of income. Get rid of him already. He's physically abusive? Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel your safety is at risk.

 

[racer2438]

Best thing to tell you is to end this and move on, he is only using you as his money tree, cash cow. He will not change and this will continue for as long as you are together.

He is selfish, irresponsible, arrogant,not trust worthy, childish, money grubbing immature little kid.

And since you have been doing all these things for him, he has learned how to keep doing it.

Life is to short, is this what you feel a LTR is supposed to be like??

Really think down deep, what do you think is best for YOU, don't worry about him, You are the priority and always take care of #1 first.

At this point I would just start saying this......get ready...get ready...... NO, and or CAN'T HELP YOU THIS TIME and repeat saying this every time he asks.

He will soon find out the ATM machine is now closed. And he will throw his fits and you'll get into arguments, buts that's whats going on now anyway. He will pull the "you don't love me any more, no more sex cards.. but do you really care at this point.

Let him pack his shit and you need to move on, and while it may hurt for a while it's the best thing you can do for yourself and you will feel much better in the end..

Wish you luck.


remember .... NO means NO

 

[Seasoned]

I'm sorry to say you guys have missed your chance to fix this. That would have had to occur during year one. The pattern of you supplementing his income is now set. I'd get out.

Are you sure it's he who's staying just to say he's in a relationship?

Take care of yourself and stay well.

 

[Suncatcher78]

Get out! As hurtful as it might be for you and him, in the end, you will be happier and MAYBE someday he might thank you for doing this as he needs to grow-up and be responsible as an adult. He isn't a child and certainly NOT helpless, he needs to learn how to care for himself and himself alone Before he can be in relationship.

You should have nip this one in butt during your first year together, but it is what it is and lesson(s) learn. I have zero problem paying for a boyfriend's expenses, but he also has to show me that he will more than willing to make a contribution to bills etc. For me, it does not matter how much or little he's willing to give, as long as I know that he is aware and open to helping out as well. Make a big differences between being in a relationship and being in "sugar daddy" one. Sounds like he likes taking advantage of you and laying the guilt-trip. And helping his family? Why R U doing that?

You are young, many more partners to come, so I say, move on. Abuse of ANY form is NOT OKAY. Yes couple fights and bitch all the time, it comes with relationships, and IF you guys cannot talk about it [feelings], make compromise, and have an understanding of each other, then move on. Wish you the best

 

[briefs4me]

Thanks for the advice guys. Today starts a new chapter in my life. I just came out to my parents. The were very supportive. My sister said she knew for a while but wasn't exactly sure. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now time to get rid of the leech....Thanks guys. It has been a very emotional day.

 

[hylas]

Good for you! This put a smile on my face, and I wish you all the best.

 

[AstareGod]

Wow - you've certainly been through a lot lately. I agree with the above posters in that this guy certainly took advantage of you and perhaps the only reason he's still with you is because you're his source of income. I think you were a bit of an enabler in the beginning. It sure does feel good to shower someone with gifts or pay for a very nice meal or two, but there is a point where it can go too far if there is no returning the favor. I'm glad you realized this and are on your way to closing things off.

Keep us updated, and best of luck!

 

[Suncatcher78]

Nice to know.

Thanks for the advice guys. Today starts a new chapter in my life. I just came out to my parents. The were very supportive. My sister said she knew for a while but wasn't exactly sure. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now time to get rid of the leech....Thanks guys. It has been a very emotional day.