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Relationship advice

O

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Hi guys,

I would like to ask for your opinion on a matter I'm not sure how to solve.

I'm in a LDR with my BF, and I'll be visiting him soon, after different months we haven't seen each other. I will be arriving on the weekend, and so far under the assumptions that he'll be free of work and whatever the whole weekend.

Recently though my bf asked me if it would be alright for him to participate in a sport event (he is just part of a university club, so nothing high league), that would take place the day after I arrive (considering though I'll be arriving at midnight the day before that).
His reasonings are acceptable, since he says that due to work he couldn't participate in any event so far, and this would be his only chance this semester (it's the only swim meet taking place at his university) and since it's just swimming for a couple of minutes every now and then, we would be spending the rest of the time together anyway.
I on the other hand was kind of annoyed by it (although I would like to tell him that "of course, it's fine. You can swim if you want"), since we haven't seen each other in a very long time, and I was expecting at least the first day to be a "just me and you" kind of thing.

Anyway, I told him that I'd prefer him not to, and although he wasn't really mad about it, he was kind of annoyed by it (he agreed not to do it more to make me happy, then because he thinks it would be bad to actually swim that day)

So what do you think? Am I being unreasonable, or is he?
 
If I were in your position, I'd have mixed feelings about this. You will only be there for one weekend, which is a very limited amount of time to spend with him after you've been away from each other for so long, so I understand your desire to spend as much time as possible (and practical) with him. However, this sporting event gives you a chance to see him do something he really enjoys, and allows you the opportunity to show your support for him. He will likely really appreciate you if you make a small sacrifice for him and allow him to participate. Plus, you will hopefully have plenty more opportunities to visit each other, and you'll be able to spend a lot of time with each other. This one day is just a drop in the bucket.
 
It's about compromise and generosity. Go watch him swim? Then take him home? Does that work?
You already have him show him you support him.
 
Astare is pretty much spot on. Yeah, you are only visiting him for one weekend but you should be supportive of your BF's hobbies. If you had some other timed engagement planned, I would be a tad peeved. Besides, if seeing your BF in a swim suit doesn't get your motor revving for great sex after the meet, I'd say your relationship is doomed anyways.
 
Yes, you are being unreasonable. If it matters to him, and if you care for him, and not just your own needs, it should make you happy to be supportive of this.

Furthermore, watching your bf swim and be all wet and speedo-y... where's the loss in that? :p
 
First of all, thanks for your answers. Sometimes you need to hear you're mistaken from others, before you realize it

And yes, I guess I'm being a little bit unreasonable. I already told him, he should do it, so I guess this problem is solved.

To give you a little bit more information about me though: I will be staying for longer than just the weekend, so we'll have "plenty" of time to be together, although he is studying and working and doing a lot of other shit, so it's going to be just a couple of hours a day.
We haven't seen each other in almost 6 months, and when I leave, we won't see each other for at least other 6 months (I live in Europe, he in the US, and although we're both students, it's just an especially full year for both us)

I guess I was just surprised by the news. Plus, I have been in the same situation before, and I would have given him full priority, but I guess that's just me...
Of course I wouldn't mind him not having time for me every now and then in a normal situation, like just a regular weekend, but since I haven't seen him for what feels like an eternity, I took it personally, as if I'm not his priority, since going swimming seemed far more important for him at that moment
 
We, romantic fools, tend to expect this things, like spending a day and a night together to balance the time you were apart, but your boyfriend might not be this kind of guy. It doesn´t mean he doesn´t love you. He even asked for your permission and if swimming means so much for him, you should be the one sacrificing this time.

edit: we posted in the same time. You made it 6 months, you can last another 6! Good luck!
 
aaggii said:
We, romantic fools, tend to expect this things, like spending a day and a night together to balance the time you were apart, but your boyfriend might not be this kind of guy. It doesn´t mean he doesn´t love you. He even asked for your permission and if swimming means so much for him, you should be the one sacrificing this time.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess I had to high expectations...

He'll realize it was a bad idea anyway. He won't get much sleep anyway before the competition, if you know what I mean :-)
 
Planning outcomes and expecting the things you'd be willing to do or give are set ups for relationship grief.
 
Listen to Seasoned, the biggest cause of relationship grief is trying to make one look like fairy tales in your head, while assuming the other guy thinks just like you.

Men are different. I'd have gone to the swim meet and gotten all randy pervin' on the swimmers then attacked him once I got him alone. For ME, that's pretty damn romantic. Plus I don't have a princess complex, I don't expect to be the sole focus of someone else 24/7 and expect the same courtesy.

I also have a guy who's gone a lot - though we stopped being students a long time ago - we schedule "alone" time around the other activities in life. If you are going to do long distance, scheduling is your friend, and spontaneity is not so great.

Being the first priority in someone else's life does not mean they don't get to do anything else.
 
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