ok so i have been with my partner for about 2 years now it started out awesome wanted to be with each other all the time texting all the time spending nights with each other alot. but in the last like 2 months things as gone all to hell. he got a new job and works everyday and some nights. never really wants to do anything cause he's always tired form working and we hardly ever spend the night together anymore. i dont work alot so i got time to hangout with him (when he wants to). and we just seem to fight over the small stuff and neither of us are happy now at all and both have kinda a bad attitude. now he wants to spend some time away from each other to i guess help our relationship. that never really worked for me in the past. and i dont know how to get us back on the path to happiness, any advice?????
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relationship going down
- Thread starter wistwink
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racer2438
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Speaking from experiance, you have to find time to occupy your self, give him credit for what he has to do, tell him you appriciate what he is doing, discuss putting aside time for you 2 (our time). Dont be so petty about him working and you not as much--(why are you not working fulltime) he may feel he is caring the whole loan and you just bitch about no time any more when he is WORKING not playing around. If you cant get through this together- you may be putting to much pressure on him and it will just push him away more. If he is working that much --he has a right to be tired, and you not working f/t might make him feel upsetting. With your free time that should give you more time to have dinner ready, house cleaned, and so on so he does not have to do it since he is working more and bring more income in.
When my honey worked alot it was hard for me and it was just like you 2 are now. But I did all the home stuff and did my part so he did not have to come home and do more work. It worked for me and we talked and trusted each other and love each other very much, we over came it all. He worked hard and long hrs/days for a reason...He retired at 45 and now does what ever-where ever he wants.
HE had me stop working 4 yrs ago and we are together now all the time.. SO thats why he worked hard and gave up all that time to set us up for the future..
It it worked very well for us ..
IN 2 weeks Aug 6th we are having our
26th yr aniversary together, that's 26 years not months.
So if you want this to work you both have to work at it.
and now we can go on vacations, when ever and have no time clock to punch.. have money in bank and dont have to work again.
was it worth it--- you bet your ass it was.
so give him a break and do be so petty ..and complain
He is under alot of stress
When my honey worked alot it was hard for me and it was just like you 2 are now. But I did all the home stuff and did my part so he did not have to come home and do more work. It worked for me and we talked and trusted each other and love each other very much, we over came it all. He worked hard and long hrs/days for a reason...He retired at 45 and now does what ever-where ever he wants.
HE had me stop working 4 yrs ago and we are together now all the time.. SO thats why he worked hard and gave up all that time to set us up for the future..
It it worked very well for us ..
IN 2 weeks Aug 6th we are having our
26th yr aniversary together, that's 26 years not months.
So if you want this to work you both have to work at it.
and now we can go on vacations, when ever and have no time clock to punch.. have money in bank and dont have to work again.
was it worth it--- you bet your ass it was.
so give him a break and do be so petty ..and complain
He is under alot of stress
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^ As someone who has been with his partner for 28 years, I have to say that I'm not hopeful about where your relationship is headed.
In my case, I brought my partner into the business and we are together 24/7/365.
If I work hard or work late, so does he.
I think you need to ask him how you can help him.
And both of you. Stop arguing.
But by the time one party in a relationship needs a break, I think it is pretty much over.
I guess all you can do is agree with him and take the break.
In my case, I brought my partner into the business and we are together 24/7/365.
If I work hard or work late, so does he.
I think you need to ask him how you can help him.
And both of you. Stop arguing.
But by the time one party in a relationship needs a break, I think it is pretty much over.
I guess all you can do is agree with him and take the break.
Maklaar13
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27 years together here, we too have had to be accommodating of each others working situations throughout the years. Sometimes I had to work late while he was at home, not knowing what to do with his time (he was not always been well trained on housework), other times he would be gone on my days off due to business trips and such, however I do know how to entertain myself and have many interests, so being bored and needing company has never been a problem for me. We communicate very well and that has been the key to our understandings and forward moving in our relationship. Through the years I have taught him how to do all the housework, cooking and have also gotten him involved in creative endeavors for when he has ample time. Now that I am retired and am at home everyday, he still works a full week outside the house and also has a part time job that he does from home.
When he is working from home, I have learned to let him do his work, but, often I check on him and bring him a beverage or a little snack, we talk a few seconds and then he goes back to his thing and I go to do whatever project or chore is needing my attention. I take the laundry and fold it in his office so we are together even if we can't talk because he is working. Throughout the years we have learn how to find time for our personal interests as well as time for each other. Anything is possible if you want it to work and you are both committed to your relationship. Best of luck.
When he is working from home, I have learned to let him do his work, but, often I check on him and bring him a beverage or a little snack, we talk a few seconds and then he goes back to his thing and I go to do whatever project or chore is needing my attention. I take the laundry and fold it in his office so we are together even if we can't talk because he is working. Throughout the years we have learn how to find time for our personal interests as well as time for each other. Anything is possible if you want it to work and you are both committed to your relationship. Best of luck.
altlover85
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Are you two living together?
no we dont live together im a student in college and only am able to work part time. we both are college students. we love each other very much and are trying to work things out. but dont really know were to start. i guess some of the problem is when he does things that annoy me i get crabby and it takes some work to get me in a good mood again.
theblackajah
Sex God
Speaking from experiance, you have to find time to occupy your self, give him credit for what he has to do, tell him you appriciate what he is doing, discuss putting aside time for you 2 (our time). Dont be so petty about him working and you not as much--(why are you not working fulltime) he may feel he is caring the whole loan and you just bitch about no time any more when he is WORKING not playing around. If you cant get through this together- you may be putting to much pressure on him and it will just push him away more. If he is working that much --he has a right to be tired, and you not working f/t might make him feel upsetting. With your free time that should give you more time to have dinner ready, house cleaned, and so on so he does not have to do it since he is working more and bring more income in.
When my honey worked alot it was hard for me and it was just like you 2 are now. But I did all the home stuff and did my part so he did not have to come home and do more work. It worked for me and we talked and trusted each other and love each other very much, we over came it all. He worked hard and long hrs/days for a reason...He retired at 45 and now does what ever-where ever he wants.
HE had me stop working 4 yrs ago and we are together now all the time.. SO thats why he worked hard and gave up all that time to set us up for the future..
It it worked very well for us ..
IN 2 weeks Aug 6th we are having our
26th yr aniversary together, that's 26 years not months.
So if you want this to work you both have to work at it.
and now we can go on vacations, when ever and have no time clock to punch.. have money in bank and dont have to work again.
was it worth it--- you bet your ass it was.
so give him a break and do be so petty ..and complain
Quoted for truth.
I was the hard working guy when this situation came across.
Nothing like having a lazy boyfriend who sits at home then bitches at you when you're tired. At least clean or something instead of making him even MORE tired than he already has to be. Responsibility may be something foreign to you, but it isn't to him - showing you can understand that, and support him, will go a long way to improving your relationship.
well i try to do what i can to help im taking our now dog to training classes and i do all the work on the cars when stuff needs worked on. but cause we dont live together i cant really do house work. and i have 2 part time jobs now and getting a 3ed one now. i try do do stuff that he likes and he will enjoy. i understand he works hard and respect that of hm.
COMMUNICATION
You need to communicate with each other, verbally and non-verbally about what you like , don't like, need, want, and desire. You are young and sounds like your first go round with a relationship. Start talking to each other now not later.
Also, you need to be accomodating and understanding of other's needs as well.
It all goes back to communication, the very first fundamental change that seperated us from the rest of the animals, is that we can form words to express our feelings and our wants. Form some words and talk to your bf and let him know what you feel and what you are thinking and looking for. Allow him to do the same back.
But you have to communicate.
You need to communicate with each other, verbally and non-verbally about what you like , don't like, need, want, and desire. You are young and sounds like your first go round with a relationship. Start talking to each other now not later.
Also, you need to be accomodating and understanding of other's needs as well.
It all goes back to communication, the very first fundamental change that seperated us from the rest of the animals, is that we can form words to express our feelings and our wants. Form some words and talk to your bf and let him know what you feel and what you are thinking and looking for. Allow him to do the same back.
But you have to communicate.
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Sometimes relationships get stressed because one or both partners is too busy to focus on the relationship.
But, there's also the reverse- sometimes when relationships are stressed, one or both partners avoid the relationship to avoid the stress.
It's hard to tell which is the case with OP.
It may be that your boyfriend is going through a rough patch. It may be that he's lost focus and the relationship has dropped low in his priorities. Or it may be that he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and he's using work as a convenient excuse to avoid it.
The only way that you'll know is to have an honest talk with him. But before you do, you need to consider the possibility that this is the beginning of the end. You may not be able to save the relationship and instead will have to settle on salvaging the friendship.
But, there's also the reverse- sometimes when relationships are stressed, one or both partners avoid the relationship to avoid the stress.
It's hard to tell which is the case with OP.
It may be that your boyfriend is going through a rough patch. It may be that he's lost focus and the relationship has dropped low in his priorities. Or it may be that he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and he's using work as a convenient excuse to avoid it.
The only way that you'll know is to have an honest talk with him. But before you do, you need to consider the possibility that this is the beginning of the end. You may not be able to save the relationship and instead will have to settle on salvaging the friendship.
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Time to grow up.
Instead of getting crabby, try to assess why the things he's doing annoy you. Is it him...or is it you? No question, every guy does some really annoying things, but sometimes our reaction is really more about our issues than their behaviour.
I have to say though, I think Kara is absolutely right. It may be too late for the relationship.
we have talked several times about our relationship if he even wants to be in one anymore. he said he still does but i cant really see it at this time. he said he loves me very much and wants to be with me for along time and i do to. we both have been in other relationships before but this is much more serious then others. i know our communication is not the best sometimes its like trying to get answers out of a deaf mute. it is something we must work on. i hope hes not using work to get away from me and your relationship.
altlover85
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You can really only go by what he says and does. It sounds like you are trying and you'll just have to try and be patient with him. You want to make sure the relationship is something he can find some solace in and not something that stresses him out.
Good luck!
Good luck!